


Fix You

by Softboyshawn



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:42:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 51,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25534573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Softboyshawn/pseuds/Softboyshawn
Summary: Summary: Raul is the prince set to take the throne of the northern kingdom. His life was picture perfect until an affair on his wife’s behalf tore everything apart and broke his heart. Now, two years later and he meets you, the daughter of a lord in the royal court. With your help he will open up and learn what it is to be in love for the first time. [friends to lovers] [angst] [royal au] [tw conversation about dying] [WIP (work in progress)]Word Count: 46k
Comments: 3
Kudos: 92





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Authors Note: None of my works should be posted anywhere outside of my linked accounts. I do not give permission to repost with or without credit to my accounts. Please notify me of any reposted fics on any platform.

The first time you see Prince Raul you can't help but hold your breath. He's beautiful, absolutely gorgeous in every way. It's the name day ball for him, the first one since his divorce to the southern princess Adalia McClure. Their engagement and courting was swift, a real love at first sight type of thing and the wedding was a week-long celebration in both kingdoms. Everyone thought they would be together for a lifetime but things changed. Adalia quickly became distant, uninterested in her new husband and king to be in the northern kingdom. The moment the news broke that she was having an affair the world was shocked. Who could do that to a prince like Raul? Why? No one knows and you're sure Raul still wants those answers too.

It's not until a year after that on Raul's next name day ball that you officially get to meet him. You're with a group of friends, other members and family members of the royal court and Raul approaches to speak to one of the guys named Oliver.

You know you shouldn't stare, but you can't help it. He looks perfect, like no person should ever appear in real life unless they're photoshopped on a magazine type of perfect. His hair is dark and curly, soft highlights of copper-y chocolate brown streaked throughout out as if he spends time in the sun. His skin is clear, smooth and soft looking. His black suit with a silken black undershirt is a stark contrast to his otherwise pale skin. He has his crown on, the unassumingly delicate gold ring that has curved uniform peaks. He is truly beautiful.

He chuckles and smiles at something Oliver says but the smile never reaches his eyes. No, they're tired, like those of a man who has been dealt too many cards in life. Before you realize what you're doing your hand lands on his arm. It's as if you couldn't help but touch him, to offer comfort silently.

"Yes?" Raul asks, attention now focused on you. Those eyes, so dark and broken, train themselves on yours.

"Nothing, I'm sorry." You drop your hand and realize you've made an ass of yourself. You cannot just reach out and grab the prince. You flush, quickly thinking up a lie to excuse your actions. "I guess I just got off balance."

He smiles softly and offers his hand. "No worries. Will you dance with me?"

"Me?"

"Mmhmm."

"Yeah....yes of course."

Raul excuses himself and leads you into the dance floor. He takes your hand and wraps his arm around your waist. "You're the first one here to approach me."

You step in time with him and he flows naturally with you. It's incredible. "I didn't mean to, it really was an accident, but that sounds bad doesn’t it? I just grabbed you for no reason."

"You meant to. I could see it in your eyes. That's why I asked you to dance."

"Oh. I really didn’t mean to reach out and do that I was just thinking and I guess I got carried away in my head. You said you could see it in my eyes, that I wanted to talk to you?”

“Mmmhmm.”

“I could see something in yours too."

He raises his eyebrows. "Yeah? What's that?"

You shake your head. It's not for you to say, to make assumptions about him. He's the prince. "Nothing, forget I said anything."

"No, I'm curious, what did you see?"

"Prince Raul, it's not my place."

He turns you around and leans down a bit as if to tell you a secret. "I will make it your place by asking your honest answer. You won't lie to me will you?"

"No."

"What did you see?"

"Hurt." You whisper and he freezes, one hand still in yours and the other on your waist. "Sleeplessness, exhaustion."

"Enough." He's quiet and you worry that you've upset him.

"I'm sorry. You asked and-"

He steps back and you bite your tongue. "My lady, excuse me. Thank you for the dance, and your honesty." He bows and walks away toward the doors to the inner workings of the castle. You can't help but feel like you've hurt him worse.

_____________________

The next time you see Raul he is sitting alone in the hall to the library. You're staying at the castle with your dad who is in the king's court. It's a relatively new position for him, having previously been just a consultant, and while he sorts out housing the king is allowing you to stay at the castle.

Raul is at the window, on the ledge with one leg dangling out into the cool night air. It's dark, just the moon illuminating his face. Truly you don't think you should bother him, he seems to be having a moment but there is no time to turn away.

"My lady, you're watching me again."

You go stiff and he turns to look where you're standing in the shadow of the doorway to a closet. "I didn't mean to. I was just going to pass through to the library."

"Come here."

You do as he asks and he pushes the windows open wide. "Yes, Prince Raul?"

"You can just call me Raul." He offers his hand and you take it. "Sit with me."

You take a seat with his help and fold your legs under each other, back pressed firmly against the window frame.

"You're the first person in two years that has not lied to me about how I looked." He chuckles softly. "You have seen through the facade I put on after my divorce, and you were right. I am hurting and broken."

"Pr-"

"Raul."

You nod. "Raul."

"Yes?"

"Have you seen someone about your feelings? A therapist or a doctor?"

He shakes his head.

"Why not?"

"Because it's my fault."

"What? Raul no. What happened had nothing to do with you." You reach out and touch his arm and he leans away. "Have you told anyone how you feel? Your parents? Your brothers? Haven't you talked about what happened with anyone?"

Raul shakes his head. "I can't."

"You talked to me, admitted that you're hurting. Can you talk to me more?"

"No." He pushes off the window sill and lands on the ground outside a few feet below. "Go enjoy the library, forget I said anything okay?"

You watch as he walks away across the darkened inner courtyard. So it turns out that it's not what you said the night of the dance that made him leave, it's what he's been holding on to that is making him feel horrible and the fact that he is realizing that he isn’t doing a great job of hiding it these days. Raul is complicated, far more than you ever expected.

______________________

"What do you think of Prince Raul?"

You look up from your notebook and your friend Leah is sitting across from you. She is the daughter of the royal accountant. The two of you regularly do your studying together and today is no different. Your dad wants you to have a good education so he had you set up with classes and work you can do away from the college and send in to a professor at the Southern University.

“What do I think?”

"Yeah. He's so handsome and gentlemanly. I can't believe he's single."

"He's single because Princess Adalia cheated on him." You shake your head. "I don't understand how a person does that."

Leah scoffs. "Seriously. Cheating is fucked up in general but to do it on a guy like Prince Raul? That girl must have been a wacko. Their engagement was a whirlwind romance, they probably rushed it too much."

"Yeah, but even if that is the case what she did is no excuse. People like that don't think of how their actions hurt those around them." You erase a line of notes a little too vigorously and rip the page. "It's selfish and disgusting."

"Completely selfish." Leah pushes her books away from her and leans back. "Anyway, I saw you dancing with Raul at his name day ball. How was he?"

"Fine, brief. I think he had something else on his mind."

"You're so lucky. I don't think a prince will ever dance with me, but then again I don't have the balls to up and ask for a dance either."

"I didn't ask!"

"You basically pulled him away while he was talking to Oliver. Everyone was surprised you made such a bold move."

"I touched his arm." You roll your eyes. "I don't even know why I did it. One second I was making gaga eyes at him, lost in thought, and the next I was reaching for his arm. The dance was suggested by him, for the record."

"He asked you!?"

"Uh huh."

"Like I said, you're lucky."

You shake your head and focus your attention back on your book. You aren't trying to make a move on Raul and you won't any time soon. You'd rather get him to talk and open up about his divorce and his ex than think about doing anything else.

______________________

Monday. You have to sit in on the council meeting with your dad. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday this is required now. He wants you to get a sense of how a kingdom is run, how the council works, so one day if you're a queen, you'll be a good one. You don't expect to be a queen, that would mean marrying a prince first and you're not exactly eyeing any. Nonetheless your dad wants you to be as educated as possible and you can't be angry about that. He cares about you and knows it's hard for a woman in the world.

The council room is a large ballroom style space with a massive table set up in the middle. It seats at least thirty people. You follow your dad to his seat and pull out the chair next to it. There are already several other members settled in and looking over notes while they wait for the king. It reminds you of group study when you were in high school.

"Don't forget to take notes." Your dad whispers, tapping your notebook. "If you like you can pitch in your thoughts too."

"I don't know Dad. I'm sure the king doesn't want to hear from a councilor's daughter."

"Don't be silly, he will listen to anyone here. Believe me if he listens to Greg over there." Dad points to an old rough looking man near the head of the table. "He will listen to anyone."

You giggle a little and your dad chuckles. A hand comes down on your shoulder and you look up. It's Raul. "Hey."

"Your majesty," your dad says softly with a nod of his head that Raul returns.

"Good seeing you here." Raul sinks down in the chair next to you. "How was the library?"

"The library...Oh! The other day. Yeah it was great, I found a couple of books I was looking for."

"Feel free to use it any time while you're here." Raul turns and looks to the king as he walks in and everyone quiets down. "Do you have an extra pen?" He whispers and bumps his hand against yours.

You pull one from the spiral binding of your notebook and pass it to him.

"Paper?" He says sheepishly and you force down a laugh.

"Maybe you should have come prepared?" You whisper back as you slide a few sheets of paper toward him.

Raul leans in. "Can I tell you the truth?"

You raise your eyebrows.

"I only came because I heard you were going to be here."

"O-oh."

The king calls the council to order and your eyes snap up to him. Raul scribbles something on the paper you gave him. He bumps your hand and you look down. "Meet me at the stables after."

______________________

Several hours later and you're free from the council meeting. It felt like an eternity of men and women bickering about everything from importing costs to redevelopment of some housing somewhere. Honestly there were no settled answers in the court and you took very little notes. Raul had gotten up probably half an hour in and left, no one even blinked at his exit.

The path down to the stables is muddy from rain the night before. You're glad you opted for a pair of rain boots that were sitting with raincoats by the exit to the garden. They're probably for the staff to use when they go out but you'll return them later. Surely no one will miss one pair of boots.

The stables are huge, a massive structure with an attached barn at the far side of the castle grounds. They're home to at least a dozen horses. Most of them are show quality that are kept in top condition for the royal family. Honestly you think they're only brought out in public once a year during the annual founding parade. The staff takes them out otherwise, gets them their exercise and what not. They're spoiled rotten for sure.

Raul is at the edge of a fenced in corral when you round the side of the barn. He's got on the most informal clothes you have ever seen a prince wear. It's funny how you get used to seeing someone in a certain type of attire that seeing them in something so normal can be jolting. He turns and grins big, raising one hand in greeting.

"I am a little overdressed." You laugh and smooth the bottom of your dress out. It's nothing too fancy, just a nice blue cotton dress, but it's definitely not outdoor attire.

"You look great." He says and glances down at your feet. "The boots really make the outfit pop."

You stick one foot out and turn it as if showing off a new pair of heels. "Only the best y'know."

Raul laughs and your chest tightens. That laugh is so cute, you never want him to stop. "Well I might have something you can change into, or at least cover your dress with."

"You do? Out here?"

"Yeah, follow me."

Once inside the barn Raul digs around in a stall that has a bunch of equipment in it and a storage cabinet. He emerges with a pair of overalls and holds them up.

"You can't be serious."

"What? Why not?" He grins and shakes them out. "Just tuck your dress in around the waist."

You take the far too large overalls and look them over. "Y'know you didn't actually say why you wanted to meet me here."

"No, I didn't, but you came." He folds his arms over his chest and his shirt strains at the arms. "Put those on, I wanna show you something."

You sigh and walk into the storage stall to put on the ridiculous overalls.

Raul is waiting for you when you walk out and around to the fence where you initially met him. There is a dark brown horse there now, bowing its head for Raul to pet. He's talking to it softly, stroking its nose.

You lean against the fence and Raul looks over with a smile. "Don't you laugh."

"I'm not laughing."

"You were gonna."

Raul shakes his head and bites his lip. "You don't look ridiculous or anything."

"You're the worst."

"Hardly." He reaches for your hand and you let him take it. He places it on the horse's nose. "Have you ridden before?"

"Once when I was a teenager. I fell off."

Raul chuckles. "I won't make you ride if you aren't comfortable."

"I'd rather not."

"You can hold on to me."

"Wait what? We're going somewhere on the horse?"

Raul nods and picks up the reins hanging in front of the fence. It's then you noticed this horse is saddled and ready to go. "If you want we can walk but it's a little far."

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise." He climbs over the fence and swings himself up onto the horse. "Do you trust me?"

You eye the horse and then him. Good question. He hasn't done anything to make you not trust him, but on the other hand you're still basically strangers. "Is it safe?"

"The horse? Or the place we're going?"

"Both?"

"Yes and yes." He turns the horse in a circle and stops it a few feet away, giving you space to climb the fence and get into the corral. "I promise I'm not going to put you in danger."

"But...why? Why do you want to show me something? We're basically strangers, I'm just the daughter of a lord."

Raul puts his hand out. "Taking chances and trying new things is how you make friends. Trust me, it's going to be fun."

You put your hand in his and you grab the saddle so that he can haul you up with ease. You wrap your arms around his chest and he makes a noise that gets the horse trotting. This is probably the most insane thing you've done in a very long time, but if it makes him smile, if you can get him to laugh again it will be worth it. Strange how you've become so interested in his well being and you've only just met. Maybe you're meant to be part of each other's lives.

_____________________

After several minutes of riding with Raul through the Great Forest that flanks the back and sides of the northern castle, you decide to stop trying to sort out where he is taking you and enjoy the ride for what it is. The forest is incredible, miles and miles of greenery untouched by people for a hundred years or more now. The wild life thrives unhinged, birds chirping in abundance and fauna unafraid to live their lives even as you make your way through the woods. The path seems well worn, a game trail perhaps. The area clearly doesn’t seem to be much used by people and considering the only way to this trail is via the castle grounds, you’re safe to say it’s likely a game trail, but one Raul definitely is familiar with.

Another minute or two passes and you notice something suddenly off about the horse’s gait. It’s changed, slowed and become more unsteady. You look down to see the packed dirt trail has become flagstones. Old broken and cracked beyond repair, large flat pavers sit pressed into the ground. Grass and weeds grow thick between the spider webbed cracks, trimmed only by the wildlife snacking on the lush greens from time to time. Up head is a bridge made from the same stone, not yet crumbling save for the knee high sides that once kept kids and carts from going over the edge into the water below.

“We’re going to cross that?” You ask, breaking the silence of the ride for the first time.

Raul pulls back on the horse’s reins and it slows to a stop just at the first stones of the bridge. “I told you this was safe. Do you not believe me?”

“I do. This just looks so old, I’m wary of crossing it on a horse.”

“No worries. This bridge was built to last.”

You close your eyes and hold your breath as Raul guides the horse to keep it’s previous pace. It only takes a few seconds to cross the bridge but it feels like a lifetime. You look back just as the horse steps off and see that the stone is solid all the way to the bottom of the riverbed. There is a hole in the middle for the water to run through. Raul was right, the bridge was built to last.

The trees open up as the horse goes around a bend in the road and you see remains of a wall, stone like the road and crumbling terribly. Most of it that remains is no taller than you but once stood as tall as three of you judging by a turret you can see a little ways to the left in the trees. The rotting remains of a gate lay broken beside the crumbled walls. Up ahead you can see a fountain, still standing and atop it’s inner rings is a statuary of the royal crest. Two wolves facing each other and howling.

“I know where we are,” you say shakily, eyes darting around as the horse enters the courtyard and a collapsed gatehouse appears before your eyes, surrounded by trees whose roots are pushing up through the ground and pushing aside the flagstones. There isn’t a doubt in your mind what this place is as soon as you see the looming walls of the gothic architecture up ahead. The old castle, built ages ago and abandoned entirely just over a hundred years now in favor of the new castle.

Raul slows the horse to a stop beside the gatehouse. “I thought you might like this place.”

“Like? I love it.”

He swings his leg over and slides off the horse, putting his arms out to assist you down.

The moment your feet hit the ground you fall to your knees, hands spreading out over the weathered stone road. A hundred years have passed since this ground has been walked on, used for daily life, or seen the hustle and bustle of castle staff. Yet it remains intact, the stones cracked with time, aged without upkeep but still there. You look up, sitting back on your calves to take in the enormity of the fallen castle with it’s beautiful high peaks and intricately adorned windows and doorways. A testament to the architects of the time, still standing though in grave disrepair and forgotten by the world.

“I thought you might like to come here.” Raul chuckles, tying the horse to a post from a fence that once ran the parameter of the gatehouse.

“How?” You stand, adjusting your overalls and pushing your dress down inside a bit more. “How did you know I’ve always wanted to see the old castle?”

“Your books, the ones you checked out in the library. I saw they were on architecture and the history of the northern kingdom.” Raul walks over to you and gestures to the castle in a sweeping motion. “I figured I would bring you here because you were interested in it, or you were doing classwork and this would be a great first hand experience.”

You take a step toward the stairs leading to the side of the castle. You aren't entirely sure but judging by the gatehouse you’d guess you’re on the north side of the structure. “It was for classwork, but I’m more than interested. I’m obsessed.”

“Obsessed?”

“Yes. This place was built by architects so far ahead of their time, I am dying to know how they built this massive castle and made it last.” You run up the crumbling steps and stand before a set of open iron doors. “It’s standing after a hundred years without any upkeep! Raul! That’s unheard of!”

Raul chuckles and jogs to meet you. “Let’s take a walk. I know which areas are safe and which aren’t.”

“You come here often?”

“I did when I was a kid and into my late teens.” He puts his hands in his pockets and steps into the doorway. “Let me show you around.”

______________________

Raul takes you into the castle, winding through halls and across large rooms that have caved in ceilings. Everything is just as beautiful as you imagined it to be but only slightly dilapidated.

The moment you enter the library with it's empty shelves and massive chandeliers still suspended by iron chains, it takes your breath away. Of all of the castle rooms you have seen thus far this is the most intact. It's as if a bubble of protection surrounded it and kept the harsh elements out.

You reach out and touch the nearest shelf, unsure that this is real. It looks like a dream, as if you fell asleep and woke up in wonderland. "How?" You mutter softly, eyes sweeping over every inch.

"It's a centralized location." Raul says. "No roof above, only another floor and it's far enough from the outer halls that even with the open windows to the halls, the rain and wind don't reach the wood and stone here." He touches your shoulder to get your attention and points up at the recessed ceiling. "Iron reinforced ceilings."

"No way."

"Mmm. The carpenters laid the ceiling out in wood first and then took steel forged rods, similar to rebar these days and interlaced them end to end before building the floor above it. They suspended the chandeliers to displace their weight across the whole ceiling." He points to the five contact points of the chandelier's chains. "It's incredible."

"Incredible isn't the word. Outstanding, impossible maybe."

"The architects were definitely the best as you said."

"How do you know so much? Have you studied this?"

Raul shrugs. "A little here and there. I get bored and pick up a book or two now and then."

You sit down and lean back, staring up at the chandeliers. "You said you came here as a kid? Wasn't that dangerous?"

He chuckles. "I didn't say I was a smart kid, and yes it was dangerous. My brothers and I would come here to escape lessons."

"Oh, sounds like you were a bit of a bad boy."

"A bit maybe, I was a troublemaker." He sits down and stretches his legs out. "Peter and I always dreamed of restoring this place."

“Peter? He likes architecture?”

"Yes. Anything that Peter could get his hands on he would use to build. As kids he would use blocks or boxes, whatever he could get his hands on Of course my parents got him loads of sets of toys to build like Legos and those log toys, but he didn't like conformity. He didn't like being told what to build and how. He wanted to do it on his own."

You smile and laugh softly. "Sounds a bit like me when I was a kid. I'd always take toys apart and make other things."

"So would he. You'd get along great."

"Where is Peter now? I don't think I've heard about him since I was a teenager."

Raul runs a hand over his hair and tugs gently. "He uh...he renounced his title as prince a few years back. He and our father didn't get along very well."

"Oh."

"Yeah. We still talk but he only comes by the castle now and again."

"That's sad, I'm sorry."

Raul shrugs. "He made his choices." He stands and puts his hands out to you. "Come on, let me show you something else you'll love."

You take his hands and they're warm as he wraps them around yours and lifts you up. Heat floods up your neck to your cheeks and he releases your hands slowly, fingers just slipping away from yours because they have to. He turns, his cheeks a tinge of pink and motions for you to follow him.

Raul leads you a short distance down a hall that has sun streaming in through the collapsed ceiling, sending beams of light down across the white marbled floor beneath your feet. There are flowers growing in the sun from the floor where it's cracked due to the ceiling debris hitting it. You look up as you pass under a hole and see the bright blue sky overhead. It makes you wonder how the flower seeds got inside. Were there birds that took shelter in the castle at night? Squirrels? Something must have brought the seeds in.

"This way," Raul says softly and you look away from the sky to see he is several feet ahead of you now. "Take my hand."

You step around some debris and over a fallen statuary. His hand curls around yours gently and he leads you through a doorway into a massive grand ballroom. You move to step forward, wanting a better look at the golden domed ceiling but he stops you, an arm encircling your waist.

"But-" Your heart races as he holds you flush against himself.

"It's not safe." He says softly. "The ceiling is crumbling." He points at the spider webbed like cracks spread across the painted ceiling and then down to the center of the room where there are little chunks on the ground. "It'll go any day now."

"Oh." You look around at the windows that surround the upper walls, the glass long since shattered. There are bird nests along the railings of an upper balcony that circles the room and the grand staircase you've seen in photos is to your left. What you wouldn't do to walk up them just once. "I want to see the stairs."

"It's not a good idea."

"Please?"

Raul releases his hold on your waist and you step forward, looking back at him. "I can't advise this. If the ceiling falls we would both be crushed."

"It won't." You take a step forward and he doesn't move. "I'll be very careful."

"My lady please."

You step out onto the ballroom floor and head for the stairs. "Just want to-"

Raul jogs up behind you and pulls you back against him tightly. A few bits of the ceiling clatter to the ground in front of you. "You're not going up those stairs."

"Raul."

"No. I promise you that one day when we restore this castle you will be the first to walk up them. I can't let you do it right now, I can't let you put yourself in harm's way."

You lay your hands over his arm around your waist and swallow hard. "Promise?"

He lifts his other hand up and sticks his pinky out. "I swear."

You hook your pink with his. "Is there anywhere safer you'd like to show me?"

"Yes, just one more place for today."

"Lead the way." You pat his arm and he drops it from your body, seemingly having forgotten he was still holding on to you. That's fine. You don't mind at all. He's giving you more butterflies than you'd care to admit.

__________________

"You said you and your brothers came here, but you only mentioned Peter."

Raul looks back with a little smile. "You're curious about Shawn?"

"I suppose."

"He didn't have the ambitions for this place that Peter and I did, but he came with us anyways." Raul lifts some overgrown vines for you to pass through to the outside. "Shawn is very much my parents favorite son. They'd never say that, but we know it."

"Why?"

"He's just like Dad. He's business smart, knows what needs to be done and puts family first. He is engaged to the princess of the Eastern kingdom and he'll be the king when they get married."

"Princess Nenyah? I had no idea they were engaged."

"It's pretty hush hush." Raul jogs down some steps into a large courtyard that you realize is the front entrance to the castle. "I probably shouldn't have told you, so if you don't mind keeping that a secret, between us."

"Of course." You step down the first step and pause as he looks up at you from the bottom, the sun shining on him. He looks ethereal, unreal in the warm light as it makes his skin glow and highlights the coppery undertones in his hair setting it a flame in the subtlest way.

"Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah." You walk down and he takes your hand as you step off the final stair onto the uneven stone pavers that cover the majority of the central courtyard.

"I think I've talked more today than I have in weeks." Raul chuckles, taking a seat on the edge of a nearby fountain. "I guess I just can't stop when it comes to you."

You run your hand along the overgrown shrubbery in beds along the walkway. "Sometimes people are just easy to open up to." You look over and he's staring at you, watching you as you walk. "I'll keep your secrets if you need to share their weight."

"Thanks." He lets out a sad little laugh, more for himself than you. "We should head back soon. I'm sure my dad will be looking for me, and you've probably got work to do."

"Yeah." You look up at the castle and smile, wishing you had brought a camera with you. "I guess we do have to go back."

"I'll bring you again." He gets up and walks over to you to look up at the castle. "We'll spend a day here exploring, just us."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'm glad I brought you. It's been incredible."

"Let's go home."

He puts his hand out and you take it, making him smile like a kid in a candy store. You duck your head and he leads the way to the front of the courtyard to circle the outside of the castle back to the gatehouse to go back home.

____________________

"Can I ask you something?"

Raul looks up from his book and smiles at the sight of you. "It depends."

"It's about your brothers."

"Go on."

You wander along the outside wall of the tower where Raul is sitting. He's been going out to the courtyard a lot lately, to escape you assume. You've heard that he and the king haven't been getting along.

"Do you think Peter made a good choice?"

Raul closes his book. "I think he chose what was right for him and his relationship with our dad."

"Mmm. Do you wonder what it's like?"

"To be non royal? Sometimes. "

You grab a tree nearby and bend down a branch adorned with white flowers. "What about Shawn?"

"What about him?"

"Do you think he's made the right choice of princess? The right kingdom to ally with?"

"I think he's taken the time to sort out what he wants." Raul tucks his book in his back pocket and wanders over to you, grabbing the same branch you've got between your fingers. "Why are you so curious about my brothers?"

"I just am. I'm more curious about you to be honest."

He picks a flower and tucks it into your hair. "Well I'm a Leo and I love reading books and taking long walks on the beach."

"Raul!" You laugh and smack his chest, earning you a laugh in return. "I don't mean like that!"

"I know." His smile fades quickly and he spins a flower that's fallen off between his fingers. "I'm not quite ready to talk yet is all. I know what you're curious about, and I understand why."

You raise your eyebrows. "Just what am I curious about?"

He gives you a hard look, eyes dark. "My divorce."

"No, actually I'm curious about you, who is Raul?" You wiggle your fingers at him and he almost smiles. "I wanna pick your brain."

"Alright," he wraps his arm around your shoulders and pulls you close as you start heading toward the doors to the castle. "I guess I can let you pick it a little bit, but if I get overwhelmed we can stop, deal?"

"Of course. What do you think I am gonna ask you, when your favorite time to wack off is?"

"My lady!"

You laugh and he lets out a nervous chuckle. "What? I'm teasing you!"

He scoffs. "You are terrible."

"Hey, I can't always be proper and well spoken. Life would be pretty dull then. I can swear and have dirty thoughts too y'know."

"Oh I'm sure." He looks down at you and smirks. "Proper ladies like you always have the dirtiest minds."

"Hey!"

Raul pulls away and laughs as you swat at him. "Come on! You wanna pick my brain? You gotta catch me first!"

"Oh you better not run!"

With that Raul takes off laughing and running down the corridor. You follow suit, laughing as well and slowing yourself down. It's been ages since you've felt this way, so lighthearted and playful. Raul brings out the best of you.

_____________________


	2. Chapter 2

Another court meeting with your dad and you feel like you're going to peel your skin off. You understand your dad wants this to be educational for you and you really wish it was but by the gods you cannot stand it. The bickering, the petty issues, the whole overall vibe in the room is grumpy old people bitching about the world and doing nothing about it. The irony in that is these are the people meant to run the northern countries. They're the ones who are supposed to find the answers and here they are every week squabbling over nothing.

You curl your fingers around your pen, the plastic is bound to break any moment. The court is on about trade again, and how they won't meet the Southern kingdoms demands and what will they do if they can't get rice and chicken at a reasonable price. You've seen the demands, the trade goods that the south wants in exchange for their top exports and they're not ridiculous. These courtesans are just greedy.

A hand lands on your back and you jump, head whipping around to see who has touched you. You're met with Raul's beaming grin. He takes a seat beside you and scoots closer.

"What?" You whisper. "You never come to these meetings."

"Because they make me want to claw my ears off."

"Well yeah but unlike you I've got very little option when it comes to attendance." You glance over at your dad who's across the table today and he's busy staring at his calculator and scribbling down notes. Probably taking care of an account for something while listening to the bickering.

Raul grabs your notebook and flips through the pages. "What do you take notes on?"

"Trade deals...concerns about infrastructure. Whatever is on the table for the day."

"Mmm, how bout this?" He slides over the notebook and it's open to a page where you had started to sketch the old castle. More particularly it's Raul sitting on the dividing wall with the castle in the background.

You flip the page over and glare at him. "You're nosy."

"Maybe." He smiles and leans his head on his hand. "It's a really good drawing."

"Thanks."

"I didn't know you were into art."

You fidget with your pencil nervously, waiting for him to ask why you sketched him. "A little bit. I just sketch stuff here and there."

Raul slides the notebook closer to himself and flips through a few more pages. A photo falls out and you suddenly remember a sketch you were working on last week, the photo being of you and Raul sitting in the garden playing slap hands while waiting for the staff to finish trimming the hedges before your walk together the other day. He grabs the picture and stares at it. "This is us."

"Yeah. It's no big deal." You try to grab it away and he switches hands. "Put it back please."

"Who took this?"

"Leah, she saw us hanging out and thought it was cute. Don't mess it up, I'm using it for reference."

Raul sets the photo down and you grab it and your notebook. "I...I guess I didn't realize..."

"Realize what?"

"Nothing." He gives you a soft look but you can tell he's holding something back.

"Raul?" The king says and you and Raul both look to him at the head of the table. "I'm glad you're here."

"Why is that Dad?"

"Because I wanted to tell you that I'm sending you to the annual ambassador meeting with our accountant. I've chosen the two of you to represent the northern kingdom." The king says proudly.

Raul's face falls and he says something inaudible under his breath. You reach for his hand as he stands up and pushes away from the table. "I'll see you later, okay?" He mumbles and you watch as he leaves, a hand in his hair as he exits the room.

You look down at the photo and sigh softly. You're sitting on the edge of a fountain with your legs folded and he's directly across from you. You've got your hands out for him to try and slap before you pull away, your head is back and you're laughing. He's beaming at you, laughing as well. He looks so happy and genuinely carefree it makes your heart ache, and you wonder if he felt the same when he looked at it.

____________________

"So he has just ghosted you?" Leah asks over lunch one day. You've gone out to eat in town while shopping for some new art supplies together. It's been three days since you last saw Raul.

"Yeah, but I'm not upset or anything."

"Really? I'd be mad if someone who liked me just disappeared."

You take the last bite of your sandwich and shake your head. "You don't understand Leah. He's complicated."

"Tsch yeah I'd say so."

"He hasn't gone to therapy for his divorce. I don't think he's done anything and it's eating away at him. I have no idea how badly it ended with Adalia but obviously it was pretty nasty if Raul is this scarred."

Leah stirs her drink with her straw and sighs sadly. "I can't relate to how he feels personally but it must be tormenting him pretty bad if he's pulled away from you. Has he said anything to you at all?"

"No, every time I try to give him the chance or let him know I am open to any conversation, he changes the topic." You wad up your sandwich wrapper and clench it in your hand. "I wish he'd just come clean about how he feels. I know I can't help him like a professional could but I can't stand seeing him so guarded and shut down. The times when I make him laugh I never want him to stop. It's the best sound in the world."

"You like him."

You smile to yourself and stare off into space at the table top. "I do. I really do."

"He'll come around."

"I know. Until then I'll be patient. It just sucks y'know? I miss talking to him every day."

Leah stands and you follow suit. "Maybe he just needs some space?"

"Are you calling me needy?"

She laughs and shakes her head. "No, I'm saying maybe he feels like he's moving too fast."

"Maybe. I'll wait and let him tell me what he wants though, and whatever it is I'll be alright with it. I'll give him his space."

_____________________

You spend the evening in the lookout tower sketching the city below. Raul has been gone for five days now and despite your asking around, no one has seen or heard from him. You'd be a liar if you said you weren't worried after the first two days.

Footsteps on the stairs behind you snap your attention away from the details on the brick work of a particular building that you're working on. You look back and see Raul standing there, just as surprised as you are. He looks tired, more so than usual and you wonder how well he's been sleeping.

"About time you showed up." You tease, standing and tucking your sketchbook under your arm. You've got a billion questions for him but you know you shouldn't bombard him. "Where did you go?"

Raul shakes his head and rubs his neck. "I needed to think. I had to get away from here for a few days."

"Your Dad?"

He gives a half shrug and a weak nod. It's neither confirmation or denial. He's allowing you to make your own assumptions so he won't have to tell you where he was. It's fine. He doesn't owe it to you to explain why he disappeared or what he needed to decompress about. You're curious for sure but you won't pry, you can read the situation and this is clearly screaming that he doesn't want to share.

"Can I see?" He asks, gesturing to the sketchbook.

"Sure." You pass it over and he takes it. "I'm just doodling, killing time y'know?"

Raul holds it up and compares the landscape through the window. "It's great. Are there others?"

"Ah, yeah but I'm not sure I want to share them."

He passes the book back and you close the cover. "Did I miss anything while I was gone?"

You chuckle. "Not really, just two more boring meetings and BOGO Thursday at the taco stand."

He cracks a little half smile but it doesn't reach his eyes. Strange. Things had been going so well until the king mentioned the ambassador meeting.

"Oh, there is one thing. Dad is sending me in his place for that ambassador meeting. He said it would be a good experience and I could make connections."

"Oh. Did my dad approve it?"

You nod. "Yeah the king agreed that it would be a great opportunity."

Raul steps closer and lays his hand on your shoulder. "I'm relieved you're going with me. I wasn't sure how it'd go with your dad. We aren't exactly familiar."

"You're scared of my dad?" You smirk and he just rolls his eyes. "Come on, is Prince Raul scared of an accountant?"

"No." He says softly and drops his hand from your shoulder. "I'm going to go back to the castle, it's getting late."

"Not gonna disappear again are you?"

Raul shakes his head. "No, I'll do the rest of my thinking here. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I'm free whenever."

He nods and heads down the staircase. You watch him go, wondering why he seems so out of it. Something must have happened while he was gone.

________________________

"Are you sleeping okay?"

Raul looks up from his book laid out on the table before him. He's been studying the Eastern kingdom customs and ettiquete for two hours now. "Me?"

"Well I wasn't talking to the vase down there." You eye the vase full of fresh flowers that the garden staff picks every morning. "What's up?"

"I've been sleeping."

"Have you?"

He sighs and sets his pencil down sharply, the thin writing utensil rapping against the hardwood table. "Yes. I'm sure I've been sleeping. Unless somehow I'm waking in the night and wandering around without knowing."

"Okay okay. Jeez." You look away and he lets out another exasperated sigh. "You just look tired."

"I always look like this."

"Yeah okay."

Raul lifts his pencil and starts writing down notes again. You stay just a moment longer and watch him. It's not like him to get so short with you and he does look completely exhausted. More so than his usual tired eyes. He actually has dark circles and his skin looks dull. You worry about his mental health.  
_____________________

"Where did you go?" You ask Raul during a court meeting a day after the sleeping conversation. Curiosity has finally gotten the best of you. He's been acting strange and distant since he returned, not eating or sleeping, walking around the garden at all hours of the night. He isn't himself and you feel like all the progress you made has been for naught.

"When?"

"When you disappeared."

He sighs angrily and doesn't answer.

You raise your eyebrows. The attitude is unnecessary. "Is there a problem?"

"I just wasn't here."

You roll your eyes. He's being so evasive and it's pissing you off. "Why is it a huge secret?"

"It's not a secret. I just don't have to tell you where I went if I don't want to."

"Fine." You push away from the table and grab your notebook. You turn and take your leave, knowing everyone is watching as you do. If Raul is going to act like a jerk then you're not going to talk to or even be near him. He obviously wants more space and until he's ready to talk to you about his issue, he can deal with it alone. You have no idea what set him off in the first place other than the king mentioning the ambassador meeting. If he has such a problem with going to it then you'll go alone and represent the northern kingdom.

_____________________

Sunday night you can't sleep. Something is keeping you awake and you don't know what. Maybe it's anxiety about traveling with Raul to the ambassadors meeting tomorrow. Maybe it's the coffee you had late in the day because you were drifting off mid meeting. Or maybe it's something else entirely, like the fact that you are worried about Raul as he seems to be getting worse as the ambassador meeting gets closer but you have no idea why.

Just after midnight you decide to go check on Raul. Something tells you to go see if he's awake. You're sure he is and when you get to his room you're absolutely right. The light is on and the door isn't even locked as you turn the handle and poke your head in.

"Raul? Are you up?"

He doesn't respond. Big surprise there. He hasn't been talking to you except for when he absolutely has to. It's starting to hurt.

"I know you're awake."

He doesn't move.

You turn off his light and close the door behind you as you step out. You press your back against the wood and stare at the painting across from you in the hall. Tomorrow is the ambassador meeting and you don't even want to go. Raul was the only reason you were excited but since he's being an ass that's changed.

The door opens behind you and you stumble back into a warm chest, pulse skyrocketing. You turn around and Raul is standing there with dark circles under his eyes. He looks like a zombie.

"I just came to check on you." You fold your arms over your chest and he stares like he's waiting for you to continue. "Well you're alive. I guess I'll just go back to my room now."

"I went to the old castle."

"What?"

Raul rubs his neck and makes a pained face. "You asked me where I went. That's where I went."

Your eyes travel down his chest and you can see bruising peeking out from under the hem of his tank top as he lifts his arm. His hands are noticeably scratched and cut up too. How did you miss these things before? Why didn't he say anything?

"What happened?" You reach for a hand and lift it up to inspect. "Did you get hurt?"

Raul says nothing.

"Answer me." You lift his tank top and there is a huge bruise blossoming across his side and lower stomach. "Raul please."

"The ballroom caved in."

Tears prick the corners of your eyes. "Were you in there? What happened to cause this? You're being so vauge." You run your hand over his tender skin and he lets out a shaky breath.

Raul pushes his shirt down and takes your hands in his, halting your exploring abruptly. "I'm fine. I'm here and I'm okay."

"Raul, you were hurt. Did you see the doctor?"

He shakes his head.

"Why not? You're acting so strange lately I'm really worried about you." You squeeze his hands and he sighs, looking away from you. "I need to know what's going on, as your friend."

"I'll tell you tomorrow. I'm really tired."

"If you're tired why aren't you sleeping?"

"My body hurts and my brain won't stop."

You look past him to his huge bed. "I can hang out for a little while if you don't want to be alone. We can chat about stuff so you don't have to think about whatever is bothering you."

"I think it'd be best if you didn't." He drops your hands and steps back. "I'll fall asleep eventually. I'll see you in the morning?"

"Y-yeah. Nine is when the car will arrive for us."

He nods and puts his hand on the door, closing it slowly. "Night."

"Good night." The door closes and you stare blankly at the dark wood. Tomorrow you're going to find out what's been going on and you can't decide if you're relieved or excited, but more importantly you're concerned about that bruising.

_____________________

The ride to the Western kingdom's citadel is long. Raul says nothing about the last few days, despite telling you he would. He barely speaks at all. It's awkward and uncomfortable but you suffer through. Arriving at the citadel is a process. The cars have to circle a secured building, you have to be dropped off and checked twice before going in and your bags are taken to the hotel off site. It's well planned and everything goes smoothly, it's just a pain in the ass because the process is so long.

Raul straightens his suit jacket for the tenth time in the last twenty minutes since you got out of the car. His eyes are all over the place, darting from face to face, door to door. It's like he's expecting someone to jump out and scare him.

"Hey, I'm going to get some water. Do you want anything?"

"No."

"Okay then." You walk away toward the long buffet tables set up for beverages. There is everything from water to soda and alcohol. You almost wonder if you make Raul a drink it might calm him down, but you don't. Come to think of it you have never seen him consume alcohol. You grab your water bottle and stick an extra one in your bag for him, knowing he'll need it later.

On your way back to find Raul you see a few noble people who you think you recognize but you don't approach. You don't want to be away from Raul too long. It seems silly, designating yourself to watch over him like a babysitter, but you want to since he hasn't been right lately and he still hasn't said why though he claimed he would tell you.

Upon entering the meeting room you run into someone and apologize. You look up and see that the person you've collided with is none other than Adalia McClure. Suddenly the last week makes sense. Raul knew there was the possibility she would be here, he's been freaking out because he is going to see her. You step away before you can say anything, mind reeling, wondering how you didn't figure out she would be here and she passes without so much as a word to you.

You find Raul quickly and take a seat, placing a bottle of water for him on the table. "I understand everything."

"What?"

"I know why you haven't been yourself."

"Okay?"

You sigh. "It's Adalia isn't it? You've been freaking out about coming here because you thought she would be here."

He drops his head in defeat. "Y-yeah. I'm not ready to see her again."

"I get it." You turn his face, fingers perched delicately under his chin. "Look at me."

He does as you ask.

"Adalia doesn't control you. You've let her memory wreak havoc on your life for the last week and it's killing you. As your friend and partner for this conference, I'm going to do whatever I have to so you're comfortable. If you don't want to see her, I'll make sure you don't."

"How-"

"Raul." A voice purrs from your left and you and Raul look up to see who it is. "I didn't expect to see you here. Shocked you've showed your face at all."

"Adalia." Raul says sharply, not making eye contact. "Do you need something?"

She chuckles. "Not from you. I was coming to see if you were here with anyone. I've heard you've turned away several ladies since our departure. Fitting I suppose."

"Yeah well I've heard you've been with three guys since then too."

"Well, I've got to shop for a man who will take care of me."

You raise your eyebrows at her. "Is there something wrong with Prince Raul?"

"And who are you?"

"That's none of your business."

"It's my business if you're talking to me."

You roll your eyes and Adalia scoffs. "Do you always make a point to get to know everyone you talk to? Wait, don't answer that, I'm sure you don't. So why don't you find some other prince to make completely miserable? You've already done enough here."

Adalia's face flashes with anger, her cheeks heating up to a bright pink. "Excuse me? How dare you t-"

"Adalia." Raul says harshly, standing up between the two of you and towering over the princess. He balls his fist, body slumped just a bit to the left. He stood up too quickly, making the bruising on his lower body sore. "Leave."

Adalia clicks her tongue and runs a hand down Raul's chest. He physically stiffens, body going ridged with anger and pain. "I do miss this part of you. So bossy."

Your eyes dart back and forth between the two of them and you stand beside Raul. "I think he made it clear he doesn't want to talk to you."

She snaps her eyes to you and sneers. "If I wanted a commoner's opinion I would have asked for it. Know your place before I have you thrown from this conference little girl."

Raul steps in front of you entirely as if to protect you. "Commoner? That's rich coming from you. I won't stand for you insulting my lady of the court. Leave and don't speak to us again or I'll let everyone here know the truth about you."

"You wouldn't, you signed the divorce papers and the agreements. You'll keep your mouth shut, you've said enough already."

You lay your hand on Raul's back as he steps forward and into Adalia's face. You're worried this could get even uglier. There is too much attention on you as is. "Raul, you're making a scene." You whisper softly.

"I'll do what I have to in order to protect my own. I've nothing to lose. You'd do well to remember that I can tear your entire life apart as easily as you did mine." Raul growls. "Get away from us."

Adalia looks horrified and angry. She finally backs down and turns away without another word. Just like that the tension snaps and Raul sinks into his chair. He looks exhausted and you slide his water bottle toward him.

"Are you okay?" You scoot your chair in closer and grab his hands. "How's your stomach? You stood up really fast."

"It hurts." He groans. "I was already tense, standing made it so much worse."

"Can I get you anything? Pain medicine? I brought some Advil." You lift your bag and dig around for the little bottle of pain reliever. "It's in here somewhere."

"I hate her." He leans on the table. "She had no right to be so rude. It's one thing for her to come after me but for her to say anything to you..."

"Raul." You lay a hand on his shoulder. "I can handle her. She's just another up tight princess in the world."

He laughs softly under his breath. "True, but the princess part well...she is, sort of."

"Sort of?"

He takes a pain pill you hand over to him and he swallows it. "I'll tell you later. Not here."

"Alright, but are you going to be okay? We have this whole meeting to sit through, and then tomorrow too."

"I'll be fine. I just need to stay still for a bit."

"Good thing we're sitting then." You scoot your chair in and he turns to face the table properly. You set your hands in your lap and look around at everyone taking their seats as the head of the ambassadors council calls the meeting to order. Just as you're about to move to pull out your notebook, Raul's hand bumps yours under the table. "Hmm?"

His fingers close around yours and you hold his hand gingerly, careful of the scrapes on his knuckles and fingers. He seems to relax, face softening. You decide not to take notes. Right now he is more important. Besides, the head ambassador will just be going over formalities and introductions for the first hour.

______________________

"What's Adalia's problem?"

"With me?" Raul asks. He is unpacking his bag, clothes and other odds and ends strewn all over his bed. You've gotten joined rooms as luck would have it so you're in his room for the time being. "That's quite obvious isn't it?"

You roll your eyes. "I mean other than the divorce. What she said today, that she isn't surprised you haven't been dating. What was that about?"

He sighs and clears off the bed enough to lay down. "She blamed me for everything."

"For the divorce?"

"Mmm. She said I was the reason she cheated, that I wasn't good enough. She had to find her satisfaction elsewhere, that I didn't love her enough and that's why she wanted a divorce."

"Oh."

"Sometimes I think maybe she's right."

"No. Raul no." You crawl on to the bed and lean over his head, looking down at his face. "None of that is true."

"I know. Well, most days I know. Some days I'm not so sure." He looks away and you turn his face back to yours. "What?"

You shake your head at him. "Why? Why would you doubt yourself?"

"Because look at me. I'm a wreck thinking about the prospect of seeing her. I am terrified to open up to people because of her, because as soon as I do I think she's right. I think I'm going to hurt another person and I can't do that again." He sits up with a debilitating groan, hand clutching his side. "I'm not sure where I stand anymore."

You reach out and he pushes your hand away. "Raul, she's manipulative. You're falling for her guilt trip every time you think about trying to make yourself happy. It's what she wants." You scoff and cross your arms. "I'd be willing to bet she is jealous."

"Of what?" He sneers and you narrow your eyes at his attitude. "She had her fun with me and ended it."

"Yeah but maybe she realizes what a huge mistake she made and she knows by telling you that it was your fault and planting seeds of insecurity she hopes you'll come crawling back."

Raul makes a disgusted noise. "I wouldn't go back to her if you held me at knife point. I'd rather die than be near her again."

"Is that why you went to the old castle?"

"What?"

You crawl off the bed and circle around to his side, hands on your hips. "You'd rather die than have to deal with her again. You went to the old castle you were in the ballroom that you know is a ticking time bomb. Did you have a deathwish? Did she drive you that far?"

Raul stands and winces, eyes locked on yours. He looks hurt, angry, and it's all directed at you. "Are you suggesting that I went there knowing what was going to happen?"

"Yes, I am. Are you going to tell me the truth or lie? You've gotten real good at lying so I'm going to assume you'll do that."

He clenches his jaw and you can see tears form in his eyes, they become gassy for a moment before tears spill over. "I-" He trembles, fingers digging into his side as he holds it. "I'm sorry."

Your heart sinks and you cover your mouth as an unexpected gasp turns into a chest shaking sob. "You did."

"I'm sorry," he bawls, sitting on the bed and hiding his face in his hands.

You drop to your knees and grab his wrists, pulling his hands from his face. "Why didn't you get help? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I couldn't...I just...couldn't."

You drop his arms and wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug. He cries into your shoulder, body shaking with every breath. Adalia did this. She drove him to the edge and he very nearly went over. Two years he has suffered like this and said nothing, done nothing to get help because he felt like a burden.

"Why did you come back?" You ask softly, hands running up and down his back lightly.

He shakes his head, no doubt rubbing his nose on your shoulder. He takes a breath and then lets it go, as if beginning to say something. Silence follows for a few more seconds and he finally speaks, voice barely over a whisper and he only says one thing. "You."

_____________________

Some time after you've finally fallen asleep you feel someone shaking your shoulder. You had been awake for hours, laying there thinking about Raul. Thinking about everything that has happened in his life since the divorce and how bad it took a toll on him. It doesn't feel like you've even slept but your eyes open and you're met with Raul's in the dim light of morning.

"Hmm? What?"

"We're leaving." He says softly, voice rougher than you've ever heard. He doesn't look like he slept at all. "Pack your stuff up."

"Huh? But we have the meetings. We can't just-"

"I'm not staying anywhere near her." His weight sinks into the side of your bed and you roll against his back. "I'll only get worse if I have to see her."

"Your father, the king if he finds out-"

"I'll deal with my dad. This is what I need to do. Come on, we need to go before anyone else gets up."

You sit up and look around the room. The clock beside the bed says it's five in the morning. "I could stay, just so we're represented. I'll say you were sick or something."

Raul lays back, his head falling in your lap. "I want you to go with me. Please?"

"I'll get in trouble."

"I'll protect you." He grabs your hand and spreads his fingers out, palm to palm to match yours. "I promise, I'll take all the blame if anything happens."

"No, you have enough on your plate." You twist a finger around a curl laying across your thigh. "Why do you want me to go?"

"Because you're important to me. You're the only person who's cares about me enough to stick around even when I'm an ass. I want you there."

You sigh softly and he sits up, you assume he's taking it as a no. He can't force you, even if he is a prince. He won't abuse his power. "Where are we going?"

"The North's royal island, it's off the coast of the western region." He pulls you up off the bed and into a crushing hug. "Thank you."

"Of course. I promised I'd do anything to keep you away from her. I'm not going to go back on my word now."

_____________________

Two hours later the sun begins to rise, bright and burning over the horizon. It splashes off the waves in orange and gold as you step out the sliding doors in the bedroom of the beach house Raul has taken you to. You smile, taking in the natural beauty. It's crazy, being here with a prince like Raul, having literally run away from a royal gathering. You've never done something this crazy in your life and if your dad finds out all the gods help you. You turn and look back at Raul laid out across the middle of the large bed taking up most of the space in the bedroom. His hair is a mess, jaw slack, mouth open a bit. Completely vulnerable. He's worth the trouble.

"Hey, are you asleep?"

"Mmm. Not yet."

You close the doors and he waves his hand at you. You open them back up and let the sun wash over him. If he opens his eyes he will be blinded but he doesn't, he just smiles softly and it's beautiful. It's like a piece of him has come back, shining bright through all the dark surrounding his heart and mind.

Raul sits up and shields his eyes as he speaks. "Sleep with me?"

"Bold question, Raul."

He chuckles and pats the bed. "Not like that. I know we both haven't slept, and maybe if you and I stay close we'll sleep better?"

You crawl on to the bed and smile at him. "All the rooms in this house and you want me to sleep here?"

"Yes." He lays back down and rolls on to his side. "If you're not comfortable with it, that's alright."

"I never said that." You lay down and face him on your side, hand beside his on the pillow. You hook your pinky over his and he closes his eyes. "Go to sleep Raul. It's okay, we can rest."

_____________________

When you wake up Raul is gone from the bed. The doors that open to the deck are still open letting a light breeze blow through the room. It's still morning it would seem. You look around and laugh softly to yourself. How did you end up here? It's like a bizarre dream.

You get up and make your way to the living area. It is also opened up to the beach, sunlight warming every inch of the dark wood floors and matching furniture. On the deck you see Raul sitting with his legs hanging over the side. He looks wet, like he showered or went down to the water.

"Did you get any sleep?"

Raul looks back as you approach and nods. "I did. I just got up a few minutes ago."

"You're wet." You take a seat beside him and pluck at his soaked tee. "Did you get in the water?"

He chuckles to himself. "Yeah, I got overwhelmed with everything and I just ran for it. I jumped off the dock and let the cold water soak me." He looks over with a soft smile. "It was very therapeutic."

"I'm glad. You know, when we go back, you should talk to someone."

"I will." He traces a pattern in the wood and you watch his hand. "I'm sure I'll get yelled at by Dad and that won't help but I'll see someone."

You cover his hand with yours and he curls his fingers around it. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"What's Adalia's secret? Why was she angry when you said you would tell everyone about her?"

Raul takes a deep breath. "She's not a princess."

"What? But her father is the southern king."

"No, he's not." Raul laughs. "Her mother fooled around just before she and the king began seeing each other. Her mother is not a noble by any means and when the king, then prince, found out she was pregnant he married her." He shakes his head. "King Harold is a fool. He believed the child was his, that Adalia was his kid but she looks nothing like him."

"How do you know all this?"

"Adalia has a big mouth. She told me everything when we were set to get married. She was so excited to be a real princess, having lived her whole life as a lie."

"That was pretty stupid of her then, to tell you everything and then cheat on you."

He scoffs. "Oh yeah she knew she fucked up. She made me sign an agreement as part of the divorce that any information exchanged would be kept secret lest I risk my future title."

"You said you had nothing to lose when you threatened her with that information. Why did you say that if you could lose your right to the throne?"

"Because I don't care if I become the king in the north anymore. My dad has another twenty years or more to rule before he's too old and Shawn could very well rule here and the Eastern kingdom. I could destroy Adalia as quickly as she destroyed me."

"Oh."

"You don't think I should do that, do you?"

You thread your fingers between his and he grips your hand tightly. "I think that part of letting go and healing is leaving everything in the past. I know it's tempting to hurt her how she has hurt you but I don't think it's right. It won't solve your problems and in the end will just cause more."

Raul is quiet. He stares out at the sandy shore and seems to contemplate your words.

"I can't stop you though, if hurting her is what you want to do."

"You can." He looks over and you give him a puzzled look. "You already have."

"Oh. I didn't mean to tell you what to do."

He chuckles softly. "You didn't, you just offered advice from your point of view. I appreciate it."

You nod and wiggle your fingers against his hand and he squeezes it gently. Your heart soars and you can feel those cliche butterflies in your stomach. The two of you have been exchanging such tender moments of affection for the last few days, you don't know what it all means.

_________________

That night Raul clears the living area, dragging all the furniture to the outside edges of the room. You watch curiously from the kitchen as he carefully rolls up the rug and leans it against the fireplace. It's nearly ten and you were planning on going to bed but he's got you all sorts of confused.

"Raul?" You finally say as he observed his handy work.

"Yes?'"

"What are you doing?"

He turns and smiles, putting his hand out for you. "I’m making a dance floor. I owe you a dance."

"What?" You laugh as you walk around the kitchen island and take his hand. "Since when was I overdue for a dance?"

"The night we met, on my name day." He lays a hand on your waist and continues to hold onto the other. "I cut you off and left when you told me how you could see right through me."

"Oh. That's alright I don't think you need to finish the dance, I never thought you owed me."

Raul steps back, bringing you with him. "I do."

You step in time with him while the stereo in the corner plays a soft instrumental melody. He is a mess, hair askew, face a little red from the sun today. He's dressed in a plain tee and wrinkled sleep pants, truly opposite of everything princely and royal, but you love it.

"I'm sorry for being so difficult."

You raise your eyebrows. "Difficult? What?"

"Mmm. The last few weeks I've been a terrible friend and I've been snappy and pissy with you because of my stress involving Adalia." He turns you around before pulling you back in. “You did nothing to deserve my moodiness.”

"You were fighting a very difficult internal battle. It's alright, I understand now."

"You're the only one who does."

You chuckle and shake your head. "I'm sure I'm not the only one."

He pulls you against his chest and wraps his arm around your back, hugging you close. "You're the only one that matters though."

____________________

Two days later you are back at the castle, being scolded by your dad and by extension, the king for running off on royal duties. You're in far less trouble, considering you were technically only a plus one. Your dad is extremely disappointed in you for missing out on vital education, and upset that you would run off during official duties. You want to tell him the truth, about everything happening with Raul and Adalia and how bad things had gotten. You don't though, afraid that it's not your place to expose Raul's troubles without his consent.

Raul ends up in lockdown by order of the king. He's restricted to the castle, not allowed to leave at all until further notice. It's silly, Raul is an adult and the king is treating him like a teenager who snuck out. You're not sure what this lockdown is supposed to achieve but you're also stuck in the castle per your father’s orders. Raul lied to the king, said he forced you to go with him, that you didn't get a choice. It makes him look bad but it's to protect you. You both know you wouldn't be able to see him if the king thought something was going on but just in case you have decided to stay apart anyway.

Yet, despite your plans to stay a part, here you are, sitting with your back to a door in the library that goes to a study in the south wing of the castle. On the other side is Raul. It feels like a movie, like you're in a forbidden romance but minus the romance.

"Guess what?" Raul says and you lift your head to hear him better.

"Hmm?"

"Shawn is coming. He and Nenyah are going to visit for a week."

"That's awesome, is there a special occasion?"

Raul chuckles sadly. "Mom's birthday, well, what would be."

You pause, realizing Raul has never spoken of his mother. Not that she ever would have come up, but none the less it can't be easy for him. Everyone knows she passed when the princes were small children, a car accident. Your heart sinks thinking about your own mom, how she left you and your dad when you were thirteen. It's....not something you want to talk about but Raul of all people would understand.

"You still there?" Raul asks, bumping the door.

"Yes. I was thinking."

"About?"

"The queen, your mom. Well, my own mom too actually."

He pauses. "Where is your mom?"

"I don't know. She left when I was thirteen."

"Oh."

You laugh to yourself quietly. "I guess we're both a little broken in the end."

There is shuffling and the door opens, making you fall back into the study. Raul helps you up and wraps his arms around you. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" You ask, face squished into his shoulder. "You haven't done anything."

"I'm sorry for your mom leaving you. I was a little kid when mine passed so I can't remember much about her now but you...it wasn't that long ago if you were thirteen."

You rub his back and he relaxes into your hold. "It's nothing to be sorry for. You didn't make her leave. I've made my peace and I know she didn't love me."

"Don't say that. She's your mom."

"No, it's true. If she loved me she wouldn't have left my dad and I, or she could at least stay in contact."

Raul steps back and brushes some hair off your forehead. "Do you want to know why she left?"

"Of course. I was a teenager, a kid still and I had a lot of questions."

"What if I can find her?"

"Raul, no."

"But I could. If you want to talk to her I can find out where she is, I can get access to the census records. You deserve closure. You tell me I should see someone one, talk about my issues around Adalia but you should see someone too or talk to your mom."

You shake your head. "She's never going to talk to me. I'd rather live my life and not worry about her any more. It's been almost ten years. It's done."

He nods. "Okay, I won't push you on it. Would you like to see my mom?"

"Sure but...aren't we supposed to be distancing so your dad doesn't think something is going on with us?"

Raul shrugs. "I don't care about what he thinks. You're my friend, my best friend. If he doesn't like that then oh well. He can put me on lockdown for whatever he wants, I’m not going to stop seeing you."

You take his hand that he has turned out for you and you smile. He looks smug and turns to lead you out of the study. The way he gives you butterflies is definitely more than a friend like feeling and you're not sure how to bring it up.

Raul stops in a hall outside the entry to the north wing and stares up at a large photo art of a woman sat on the edge of a fountain. It looks like she is at the old castle, there are lilacs surrounding her and she's very round and pregnant. You've passed this probably a dozen times and never gave it thought.

"This is my mom." Raul points to her belly. "That's me and my brothers."

"Yes, obviously," you chuckle and step closer. "She is beautiful. You look just like her."

"That's what Dad says too."

You look closer and then look at Raul. "I always thought you looked like your dad, and you do of course, but you definitely have your mom's eyes and her nose. I thought you were identical to your brothers?"

Raul nods. "We are, but we have slight differences of course. Shawn is taller and has Dad's eyes and Mom's hair. Peter is by far shorter, like mom, but he looks more like dad than anything. Then there is me, a pretty good blend but more like Mom if you really take the time to look."

You look back and forth between him and the photo. "So... stunning."

"Y-yeah Mom is definitely pretty."

"No, I meant you." You grin and he flushes. "You've gone red."

Raul looks away. "I wasn't expecting that is all."

"You don't think you're stunning?"

"I-I don't know."

You laugh and he narrows his eyes, realizing that you're most definitely teasing him.

He steps forward and grabs your hips and that gets your attention real fast, heart racing as he stares down at you. "How would you like if I told you that you're gorgeous?"

"I uh-" your voice gets caught in your throat and you can't look away because he is commanding your attention with his soft brown eyes and this is very intense.

"How would you like if I..." He inches closer and then suddenly his hands go from your hips to your sides and he's wiggling his fingers, tickling you and you let out a shriek. He doubles over in laughter as you leap away from his attack and try to catch your breath.

"Jerk! You're the worst!" You laugh and he holds his hand up in defense as you shove him lightly against the wall. "You're so mean."

Raul wipes his face and takes a deep breath. "I couldn't resist. Your face when I started tickling, it was priceless."

You rub your cheeks to try and get rid of the warmth of embarrassment. "Remind me why I'm friends with you?"

He just laughs again and you shake your head.

_____________________

Raul's bedroom is the last place the two of you should be alone together, lest you be caught by a staff member and ratted out to the king. It's no big deal that you're seeing Raul, well, not seeing as in dating, but you're friends. Visiting. Yes that's the proper term. You're not sure why the two of you feel the need to sneak around after the ambassador incident. Perhaps it's insecurity, fear of what people may think is going on and what they may think of you. As for Raul you're not sure what it is that makes him worry about being seen or caught. He didn't worry before and neither did you, but something has changed, something unspoken has shifted your dynamic with each other.

"Truth or Dare?" You ask, laid out across his couch. It's a cool afternoon, the windows are open and a nice early fall breeze blows through the room.

"That's what we're doing now?" Raul chuckles, eyeing you from his place on the bed.

"Yup. So? What will it be?"

"Dare."

You grin. "I dare you to confess one secret."

"Mmm." He contemplates, humming softly as he chooses something to share. "My favorite color is lilac."

"Really? I'd have guessed blue, like french blue."

"Why?"

"You've got a few shirts that color."

Raul chuckles. "Oh, that blue. I look good in that color but it is not my favorite. Your turn. Truth or Dare?"

"Truth."

"Do you want to be a courtesan who advises kings and queens or did you follow this path because of your dad?"

"Wow."

"What?"

"You're jumping right in on the heavy questions. I guess I do, I mean I love history and I'm intrigued by architecture so maybe I can do something with that. Otherwise I guess...I don't know."

"That's okay, you don't have to have everything figured out yet. Maybe the court is for you, maybe its not."

"Your turn."

"Truth."

"Have you ever been in love?"

He is quiet. You don't dare look at him, in fear he is angry with such a loaded question. He's not though, at least not as far as you can tell by his voice as he speaks. "Yes."

"Oh."

"It's not Adalia, if that's what you're thinking."

You sit up and look at him, he tilts his head to the left on the mattress to look at you. "Before?"

"Maybe."

"After?"

He smiles and looks away. "Maybe."

"I thought you didn't date after Adalia?"

"And I thought we were playing truth or dare, not twenty questions."

"Okay okay. You're the one who is making me curious though."

"Tsk tsk I simply answered your question."

You groan and flop down. "Your turn I suppose. Do your worst."

"Oh I will."

______________________5/10

Shawn and Nenyah arrive the next day. You have never met the Eastern princess or Prince Shawn for that matter, but you have seen Shawn in photos and things, being as you grew up in the north. The moment Nenyah steps into the Grand Hall you are blown away. She is nearly Shawn's height, a little curvy, long wavy white hair and deep brown skin. The princess looks ethereal, completely from another world. As for Shawn, well, he looks just like Raul but taller and somehow a bit older.

"Shawn, you look good." Raul says, taking his brother's hand and pulling him into a hug. "The east is definitely making you less pale."

Shawn rolls his eyes. "The sun will do that to you. You'd know if you went out more often."

Raul shrugs. "The north is cold, and you know as well as I do the sun doesn't burn nearly as hot here."

"Very true." Shawn puts his arm around Nenyah. "Honey, this is Raul and..."

You give a quick bow and introduce yourself. "...my father is the royal accountant."

Nenyah smiles warmly. "You and Raul are lovers." She says in a strange accent you've never heard before from an easterner.

"What?!" You stammer.

Raul chuckles and waves his hand. "Oh no, no it's not like that."

Nenyah's eyebrows go up. "No? Then I do not see properly? Do you doubt my sight?"

Shawn presses a kiss to her head and she closes her eyes. "Easy darling, my brother didn't mean it like that, he just...doesn't understand."

"Hey!"

"W-why do you say we're...lovers?" You clear your throat, trying to get a hold of yourself and not show too much emotion.

Nenyah tilts her head. "Your energies, they match, you share an aura. Two people who share an aura are-"

"Nenyah." Shawn whispers, tugging her away from you and Raul. "They don't know about that stuff."

"What? Shawn, why are you being so weird?" Raul asks and folds his arms over his chest. "What is Nenyah talking about."

"My gift, of the Elfin. I can see energies, light people put out and I can sense the emotions in them." Nenyah says softly. "You are angry, confused by my words. I am sorry."

You swallow hard. The Elfin are an ancient race of people. They look, speak and live like everyone else but they harbor magics within them that only they may wield. Nenyah's hair, her skin and eyes. It makes sense, they're all traditional traits of the Eastern Elfin. It's surprising to you that she has chosen a northern man as her husband.

"Anyways." Shawn interjects and looks around. "Where's Dad?"

"Out. Trade deal." Raul says.

Shawn nods. "And Peter?"

"Peter?"

"He's coming isn't he? He said he was going to."

You look between the two brothers. "Is Peter really coming too?"

Raul shrugs. "I have no idea. Dad didn't say anything to me, but Dad isn't talking to me much after the ambassador meeting."

"Ah yeah I heard you snuck out, went to the vacation house." Shawn rolls his eyes. "How did you think that would go?"

"I didn't think, I just needed to get away."

"He is unhappy." Nenyah says softly to Shawn. "Broken."

Raul scowls. "Nenyah, Shawn, please excuse me." He turns and goes toward the stairs. You follow after, nodding to the prince and princess in parting.

_____________________

"Raul." You call out after him as he walks briskly down the hall toward the garden entrance. "Raul!"

"What?!" He turns sharply, eyes boring into you and pinning you in place.

"Why did you walk away?"

"Because I know that Nenyah will keep talking. She would lay me out bare in front of everyone if I didn't walk away." He points to the general direction that you came from with him moments ago. "Elfin like her have no filter, they keep no secrets and they read people who are vulnerable. I for one don't need my brother knowing my business."

You fold your arms over your chest. "You can't confide in your own brother?"

"No. He will tell our dad everything and then...I don't know." He runs a hand over his hair and begins to pace. "I don't want dad to think I'm weak. It sounds foolish but my dad is the type of person who will treat you differently if he thinks you're vulnerable."

"The King? The man who lost his wife and raised three sons on his own would think less of his son who went through a horrible divorce and ended up broken? Have you spoken to your dad at all about what happened?"

Raul sinks down on a stone bench and grips his hair with his head in his hands. "No."

"Well maybe you should."

"I-"

You drop down in front of him and hold his arms, looking up at him through his hands. "Raul, listen to me. You have to talk to your dad and tell him everything."

"He doesn't want to listen to me right now."

"You must make him listen. He is probably angry with you because he doesn't understand why you're acting out of the ordinary. He's frustrated, I'm sure, I know I was when I didn't understand what was happening."

Raul sighs heavily. "It's no use dwelling on it now. Dad isn't here."

"Well yes, but that doesn't mean you keep putting it off. Promise me you will talk to him." You put your pinky out for him and he stares at it. "Come on, promise."

Raul hooks his pinky with yours and you notice it's a little bit curved, crooked almost. "I promise."

"Good." You stand up and put your hands on your hips. "Let's go find something to do that doesn't involve you moping about."

He stands and mimicks your pose. "What do you suggest?"

"You're always wanting to show me how to ride."

"Oh? You're gonna ride? Have you been possessed?" He leans in and eyes you suspiciously. "Who are you?"

"I'm me! I've decided if you're going to do something nerve wracking, I should too. Let's go."

Raul wraps his arm around your shoulder and pulls you against his chest. "No take backs. You said yes, now let's go."

"Hey wait-"

"Nope! You're coming with me!"

"Ah fuck..."

_____________________

"Why do you ride if you are scared?"

You look back from where you're sitting atop Raul's horse. You've got the reins in a white knuckle grip while Raul gets a few things from the shed. His horse, Rosie, is tied to the fence for your safety. Behind you, you see Nenyah, arms folded as she stares awaiting your reply.

"I told Raul I would try something new."

"I see."

You turn ever so slightly to see Nenyah better and Rosie stirs, making your stomach lurch. "What brings you out here?"

"Curiosity."

"About?"

"Raul." She looks toward the stable. "He is confusing."

"Sometimes yeah." You chuckle softly. "He can be a bit hard to read."

Nenyah lays her hand on Rosie's nose and the horse remains still. "You have questions."

"Me?"

"Yes. Ask them. I will not be upset."

"Ah...uh, I guess I just wondered how Shawn and you happened to be a match."

Nenyah looks up and has a tiny hint of a smile on her otherwise passive yet beautiful face. "He has a pure heart. It is what I found most intriguing when I met him. He is a genuine man with a kind soul and good intentions."

"Oh wow."

"Shawn and I have warm energy. Pure love."

"That's amazing, I'm so happy for you." You shift and Rosie neighs. "Do you ride?"

"No. We do not have horses. Only the stags and slepnirs remain in the Elfin jungles of the east."

"Those are deer?"

"Not precisely, but likened to. They are wild beasts. Not to be tamed by the likes of us."

"Oh. Sounds dangerous?"

"Quite." Nenyah turns away and you look to where Shawn is walking out of the stables with Raul. They're leading a second horse.

Shawn breaks away as his brother leads the horse into the corral. He slips his arm around Nenyah's waist and kisses her temple. "I've got a surprise for you."

"The beast?"

"Mmm I'm going to take you for a ride. I promise it's safe."

Nenyah looks to the horse and up to you on the other in front of her. "I will watch."

"Honey, please?"

"No." Nenyah lays her hand on Shawn's chest and he nods.

Raul joins you, standing at your side and he lays a hand on your leg. "No dice, Nenyah? Shawn is a great rider, he's won competitions."

"No. The tamed beast is not for me."

Shawn leans in and kisses her nose. "I'll be just as satisfied if you watch me ride."

Nenyah smiles briefly before resuming her passive nature.

"You ready?" Raul says with a grin and swings up onto Rosie behind you. He reaches around you and lifts the reins, putting them in your hands. "Come on, haw haw," he calls softly and Rosie begins to move much to your dismay.

"Tug left or right to turn?"

"Yes."

You pull on the left rein and Rosie turns toward the exit of the corral. "Not so bad."

Raul slides his hand across your stomach and pulls you back against him as Rosie picks up speed. It sends a rush through your veins, a sudden surge of panic and arousal. His other hand crosses your chest, palm flat against your sternum and he straightens you up flush to his chest. "If you slump, you will fall." He says softly against your ear.

Your hands grow sweaty from nerves, your body flush against his, his lower half bouncing against your backside with every trot of the horse. You can feel his- it's too much, you're so on edge from the ride and Raul's closeness, you drop the reins.

"Whoa hey," Raul murmurs, leaning forward and you can hardly breathe. He holds you tight with one arm and gathers the reins in the other. "Are you alright?"

"I-"

"If you're too nervous we can go back." He takes the reins with both hands and turns Rosie around to head back to the corral. "I don't want to make you do this if you're uncomfortable."

Rosie whinnies and pulls against Raul's guidance.

"Talk to me."

"I'm fine. I just got overwhelmed." You grab the reins from him and he rests his hands on your thighs, thumbs stroking gently against the inner seam of your jeans. Surely he must know what he is doing. "I-I-"

"Let's go watch Shawn run Faith through the course." Raul puts his hands around yours and you just can't seem to get another word out. He leads you back into the corral where Nenyah is sitting on the fence watching as Shawn rides his large jet black horse over hurdles and across platforms.

Raul stops Rosie and climbs off behind you, reaching out to assist you. You reached for him and he helps lower you with ease.

"You're quiet." He says, brushing your hair back off your forehead. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made you get on the horse. You're upset with me and-"

"No, I just got overwhelmed like I said. It's nothing. You were...you were very warm."

"Warm? Oh because I was pressed against you?"

"Yeah."

Raul swallows hard, cheeks tinting just a bit.

"Let's go." You turn away and Raul catches your hand in his. You look back and he gently lowers it. "Yes?"

"Thank you for trying."

"I said I would, but maybe next time you should let me ride alone."

"Was I that bothersome? I didn't mean to be. I was just-"

You chuckle and shake your head. "It's fine. The closeness was just... different."

"Good different?"

You smile playfully and he grins. "Not bad, but just different."

"Alright, I'll take different."

You glance at Rosie. "Why don't you put her away and I'll go join Nenyah. I wouldn't mind a girl's moment."

"Princess to princess talk?"

You raise your eyebrows. "Princess to princess? I'm not a princess. You okay?"

Raul rubs his neck and looks down. "I uh, yeah no, of course not. I- just a slip of the tongue."

You eye him suspiciously and he wraps his hand around Rosie's lead. "See you in a few." You wave and head for the fence where Nenyah is watching Shawn.

Princess to princess. The words spin around in your head. Why would he say that? And the ride was so intimate...he has to know, right? He has to know how you feel and how he feels the same. Right? You reach the fence and swing your leg up and over to sit beside Nenyah.

"You are troubled."

"Sorta. It's nothing."

Nenyah brushes her hair back from her face. "Talk to him."

"It's not like that."

She looks over with the most disdainful expression. "You are transparent. The plain eye can see what is there. Denial will be your undoing."  
___________________

Three days later you wake up to a cat on your bed. The movement around your feet is what woke you, knowing it was an unfamiliar feeling. Before you is a big gray cat with orange-ish brown eyes and fluffy cheeks. He looks well groomed and you're confused, looking around the room for how he might have gotten in. The door is shut, windows latched. The cat doesn't look like one of the ones that hang out in the barns and stables to catch mice. It's far too fat and clean looking.

"Hey buddy." You reach out and the cat eagerly clamors toward you for petting. He flops down on his side and pushes his head into your hand. "Where did you come from?"

He meows and exposes his belly like a dog. You rub his fur and he purrs loudly. For being with a complete stranger he is awfully sweet.

From the hall you hear foot steps, rushed as if the person were running. A moment later you hear a knock on the door.

"Come in."

The door opens slowly and Raul peeks his head around. "Hey, good morning have you seen a...cat."

"This one?" You gesture to the big gray boy on your lap. "He just appeared here."

Raul looks relieved. "Yes, that one. His name is Baby."

"Where did he come from?" You giggle and lift Baby up. "I've never seen him."

Raul walks in and takes the heavy cat from your hands and holds him like a child. "Baby is Peter's cat."

"Peter? Is he here?"

"Yeah, apparently. I had no idea until I was woken up an hour ago by a distraught brother looking for his precious cat. It felt like I had been teleported back to my teen years."

You push back your blankets and stand up to stretch. You reach out for Raul's hair, pushing back some curls that are dangling on his forehead. He needs a trim, it's getting a bit long. "How about we take Baby to Peter and you can introduce me?"

"But you're in pajamas?"

"And? Should I be in proper clothes for some reason?"

"I guess not."

You look down at your sleep shorts and matching tee. They're nothing spectacular or revealing. "I can change?"

"It's fine."

"No you don't sound like it's fine. I'll put on some pants and a regular shirt." You go to the dresser and dig out a pair of track pants and an old tee. Behind you Raul clears his throat as you lift your shirt.

"Should I step out?"

"Yeah? I mean I don't care."

Raul turns around. "Go ahead."

You change quickly and Raul turns around when you give him the all clear. His cheeks are pink and you wonder just what he is thinking about. You? A flush warms your own cheeks but he says nothing.

"Let's go find Peter."

______________________

Meeting Peter is nothing short of exactly how you imagined. From what you remember of the brothers as a teenager, he is definitely the...odd one out. Peter is shorter than Raul by a few inches, maybe just reaching six foot tall but maybe just falling short an inch. His hair is dark, wavy, not curly and longer than it looks like it should be. He has glasses, round and perched on the bridge of his nose. What really strikes you is his eyes, the way Raul's had. They're green, not hazel like Shawn's or brown with undertones like Raul's. They're dark green. Despite all these slight differences he is very clearly a triplet.

"You're Raul's friend?" Peter asks, taking Baby from Raul's arms and holding him over his shoulder. The cat melts into him like a blob.

"Yeah, my dad is the royal accountant. We're living here in the castle for a while."

Peter nods. "It's about time he found a friend." He looks to his brother and rolls his eyes. "He's been anti social for years."

"Fuck you." Raul says with no venom to the words at all. "Not everyone can be a socialite."

You chuckle softly. "No fighting."

"Oh this isn't fighting." Peter grins. "We used to sword fight. Just completely unleash on each other."

"Oh my."

Raul steps forward and shoves Peter's shoulder. "This little shit never beat me. Don't let him talk big game."

Peter eyes his brother sharply. "You're killing me here."

"It's what I do."

Peter cracks a smile. "I've missed you."

"I'm always here."

"I know. I've got some stuff to show you later. Do you think Dad will be up to talking?"

"Depends."

"It always depends." Peter rolls his eyes then looks at you. "Well, it was great meeting you. I hope we get to see each other again while I'm here."

You nod. "I'm sure we will."

"Yeah, you're always with me anyway." Raul says and wraps his arm around your shoulders. "Not that I'm complaining."

Peter raises his eyebrows and Raul shakes his head. A strange silent exchange.

___________________

"So you're like, in with Raul and his brothers now?" Leah asks over lunch the next day. It's the first time you've hung out in a while. You've been busy and she has been studying on campus instead of only doing remote learning.

"I'm friends with Raul, and yeah I've spoken to his brothers. Why?"

Leah shrugs. "I dunno. I guess, well, people at school have been talking and I don't know what's true and what's not."

"What are people saying?"

"Rumor has it you snuck out with Raul and went to a beach house. Then there is the whole dating thing, which I'm pretty sure the kingdom news is going to start investigating soon."

Your heart stops. "The KN? Why would they care?"

"Because it's Raul? The King to be one day? Divorced and eligible bachelor?" She laughs to herself. "You're basically friends with a celebrity."

"What? No, Raul is just Raul." You push your food aside and pull your legs up to fold under yourself. "I don't like that people are talking."

Leah shrugs. "Let them talk. Besides with Shawn visiting now with Nenyah, that's making the headlines of every tabloid from here to Western Palmada. They are being hailed a power couple, rocking the world over."

"Right, I forgot people didn't know about them yet."

"You did?"

"Raul told me a while back."

Leah huffs. "You found out about juicy gossip regarding The Princess Nenyah and you didn't tell me?! I'm disappointed!"

"I didn't think it was that important I guess. Besides, I wouldn't have wanted to be the one to let the cat out of the bag. Meeting Nenyah on pleasant terms was terrifying enough."

Leah folds over the lid to her box, she had gotten her food carry out style. "I hear she's got magic powers."

"Not quite. She has an ability to read energies and emotions. I don't really understand it fully."

"She has made grown men cry at her feet. She's so powerful, I am so in awe of her."

You roll your eyes. "I don't know about all that, but she is intimidating."

"Anyway, are you and Raul dating? Or like just friends?"

"Leah! We're friends. You'd know if we were dating."

Leah shrugs. "I dunno, he could make you keep things hush hush. He is the prince after all."

"You like to seem to remind me of that a lot."

"But he is!"

You push away from the table and gather up your bag. "Come on, let's go. I want to finish my sketch of the fountain in the courtyard today."

"I can just take a photo of it for you?"

"No, I wanna sketch it live. It's just different."

Leah grabs her food box and her camera bag. "I know, it's cool. I'll snap some photos while you work."

"Sounds good."

______________________

"Peter?" You blurt, walking up to the crumbling entrance to the old castle. You've come out for a few sketches to add to your collection. Finding someone else there is surprising.

Peter turns around and pushes his glasses up. "Oh! How did you find this place?"

"Raul. He brought me here once."

"Oh. It's so dangerous, I'm surprised he did that."

"He knew I would like it. I'm interested in its history and the architecture is incredible." You walk past the gatehouse and walk along an overgrown hedge. "I think he mentioned you liked architecture too?"

Peter's eyes light up. "Yeah, I mean I have a degree. I have two actually. Are you studying to be an architect?"

"No. I'm just curious, it's a hobby mostly." You lift your sketchbook book. "I like to draw, and buildings always seem to be my biggest source of intrigue."

"Raul didn't send you out here did he?"

"No? Should he have?"

Peter shakes his head. "No, no. So what brings you here?"

"Art."

"Right, you said that. Sorry." He rubs his neck and it's reminiscent of Raul's nervous ticks. "What in particular are you going to draw?"

You plop down on the edge of a garden bed. "The fountain. It's gorgeous, it's a shame they didn't move it to the center of the new castle courtyard."

Peter sits down on the edge of the fountain. "It is, but do you know why they didn't move it?"

"No?"

"Because this was my mom's favorite spot to read. Dad said she would come out here all the time to escape the castle life."

"The photo in the castle...this is where she is."

He nods. "Yeah."

"But the old castle was abandoned over a hundred years ago. Why didn't they move it before?"

"Because of Grandma and Great Grandma. Both of them would come here to read just like my mom. It's a tradition I suppose, an activity handed down for years and years."

You open your sketchbook and stare down at a rough outline of the fountain. You had no idea it held so much life and history. "Why are you out here Peter?"

"I'm an architect." He stands and looks at the crumbling castle. "I'm surveying."

"Surveying the rubble?"

Peter grins, pushes his glasses up and folds his arms. "What are castles but delicately stacked piles of rubble in the end?"

You look back. "I suppose you're right."

"I've got a degree in rubble stacking and by the gods I'm going to make use of it." He heads for the iron doors that go into the castle. "I'll see you around."

"Be safe!"

"Absolutely." He laughs and ducks into the castle.

You return your focus to your drawing, or you attempt to that is. You wonder how long until Peter finds the collapsed ballroom. The thought makes your stomach ache, knowing the reason why it collapsed not too long ago. You pause, pencil hovering over the paper as you stare off into the trees. If Raul had died here this fountain would be a memorial now probably, as it's the only safe area of the old castle. You stand and stuff your sketchbook into your bag and make for the castle, you need to see Raul, you need to know he's alright. The thought of losing him is overwhelming.

Half an hour later you arrive at the backside of the castle and Raul is outside brushing Rosie in the corral. You make a bee line for him, nearly running by the time you reach where he's standing. Before he can say anything you wrap your arms around him and he automatically does the same.

"What happened?" Raul asks softly.

"Nothing. I just wanted to know you were alright."

"Of course I'm alright. Are you?"

You nod. "Some things just hit me out of nowhere. Sorry." You step back and straighten your shirt. "I didn't mean to jump you like that."

"No worries, I think I can handle it." He leans on the fence and looks you over. "But seriously, the way you came at me had me thinking something bad happened."

"No, nothing happened. I was just thinking about you and uh...the old castle."

"Oh." He steps over and puts his arm around your shoulders. "Hey, I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

“You better not.”

He presses a kiss to your hair and you close your eyes. “I wouldn’t leave you like that.”

_____________________


	3. Chapter 3

"Do you think Raul is incapable of love?"

You look up and over at Nenyah who has parked herself on the end of the library table you're using. She has on the most colorful top you've ever seen and it's almost too vibrant to look at, definitely an Eastern Elfin design. It's fitting though, looks great in contrast to her hair and complexion. She dresses so fashionably it makes you consider asking her for advice sometime.

"Do I think what?" You ask, remembering she has poised you a question.

"Do you think Raul is incapable of love?"

"No, of course not." You close your book and focus on the princess. "Why would you ask that?"

Nenyah looks out the windows to the garden. "He feels fear when you are together. I noticed two days ago that he does not hold himself the same way when you are close."

"He's scared of me?"

"No. He is scared of himself." She looks back to you and she almost looks concerned. "I think he is afraid to hurt you."

"I'm not going to get hurt. We're friends and if something more comes of that then I'll be ready. He must be afraid because of Adalia."

Nenyah stands and paces the table length, her heels clicking on the wood floors. "Adalia? She is the reason for his grief?"

"Yeah, she...well, it's not my place to say. Just know she was not kind in their parting."

"She is a wretch."

"I agree."

"A waste of life." Nenyah scowls and it is absolutely terrifying. You understand in this moment what Leah meant when she said Nenyah could bring men to their knees with a look. "Know this, Raul cares for you. I do not mean to meddle in the affairs of others, but this is something you should know."

"I know. I think I know anyway, I can feel it when we're together. I know he cares a lot."

"You have a good heart. Pure. You are good for him."

You flush and look down at your papers, bashful from her compliment. Between them is a drawing of Raul, the one from the old castle you did after the first time you visited. It's your favorite by far. "Nenyah?"

"Yes?"

"Why don't you like Adalia?"

"That is personal."

"Oh. Sorry, I didn't mean to over step."

"No. You are curious. I am just not ready to share that information."

You nod. "Thanks, for telling me about Raul."

"Of course. You should know."

____________________

The day before the late Queen's birthday you and Raul are sitting in his room, looking at photos from when he was a child. He's got on his crown from a public ceremony earlier in the day, he even has his dress shirt and slacks on still. It was funny, how you both decided to duck out of the post ceremony gathering. One thing lead to another and Raul insisted on showing you pictures of him and his brothers when they were little.

You lift a photo of Raul and hold it up, comparing him to his current self. "You're so cute. Is that the same crown?"

"Yep." He lifts the delicate metal off his head. "I guess I grew into it."

"Mmm. It looks big in the photo."

"It was. It'd fall over my eyes or fall off if I pushed it too far up."

You chuckle and put aside the photo. "You’ve got a big head now. Fits just right."

"Hey!"

"What? Am I wrong?" You reach over the album and fluff his hair.

Raul rolls his eyes and lifts the crown up in his hands. "I bet it would fit your head."

"I bet it wouldn't."

He leans forward, getting up on his knees as he reaches over and places his crown on your head. It's such a simple gesture, and one to prove a point no less. But it feels crazy, that you'd be wearing a crown let alone his.

"Looks good." He says, sitting back on his legs and looking you over. "Like a princess."

"Don't princess' wear tiaras?"

Raul grins and it's a bit sheepish, yet smug. "Yeah, then I guess you look like a queen."

"Okay," you lift the crown off and hand it to him. "That's enough."

Raul cackles and sets the crown aside. "You could be a queen though. You're smart and kind, you've got the patience of a saint for sure."

"I don't think I'll ever be a queen but thank you." You busy yourself with the photos in your lap, trying not to read into his words too deeply.

"Never know." He mumbles and then silence fills the room. It stifles the air, making it thick. You try to pay attention to the pictures but it's hard.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Always."

"Why did you call me princess?"

Raul makes a face. "When did I call you princess?"

"When we went riding."

"Oh, yeah. It was a slip of the tongue. I guess I sort of relapsed, thinking you were a princess because Nenyah and-"

"And you were thinking I was Adalia."

"No." He drops his voice. "No, I would never confuse you with her."

"I mean I get it. You probably did things like horseback riding with her and stuff. It's okay I-"

Raul covers your mouth with his hand and you stare at him. "No, you're not reminding me of her at all. The truth of it is that I forget you aren't a princess. I forget that you're just a lady of the court because you fit in so effortlessly to my life here."

"Oh."

He drops his hand. "Sorry. I won't do it again."

"It's alright. It just caught me off guard. It's definitely not something I'm used to being called."

Raul gathers photos and stacks them against his palm. "What are you used to?"

"Like pet names? I don't know. I've only dated a few times and not really long enough to get to pet names."

"Honey?" He says smoothly, eyes meeting yours. "Sugar? Darling? Babygirl?"

"You can stop." You laugh and he lets out a curious sounding hum. "Do not get any ideas."

"I think you like babygirl." He smirks. "I wouldn't have pegged you the type but I suppose we all have something that does it for us."

"Oh my God! It does not do anything for me!"

"I guess we'll have to find that out later."

"You- I- What?!”

He laughs and takes a few of the photos off your lap. “Don’t worry about it. I’m joking.”

“You're not funny!"

_____________________

The day of the Queen's birthday is solemn. You know the day is going to be dreary when you wake up to the sounds of a thunderstorm. Pouring rain, rumbling skies, flashes of light across the windows. Fitting for the mood but you wish it were sunny and bright to lift the royal families spirits.

Morning passes quickly, you and your dad have breakfast, chat a bit about your classes, nearly the end of the semester now, and council meetings. It's not until after noon you see one of the brothers. You're on your way to the library when you see the figure that is clearly one of the guys out in the garden. They're standing there, soaking wet as the rain comes down relentlessly.

"Hey!" You call out from the side door to the garden. "You'll get sick standing out here!"

When he turns you see the glasses and know immediately that it's Peter. "I'm looking for Raul!"

"What? Where is he?!"

Peter crosses the garden path and comes to the door. "No one has been able to find Raul all morning. Dad is pissed, he wants to hold the ceremony and send candles off on the lake for Mom but Raul is missing."

"Oh. I haven't seen him, I figured he was with you and Shawn all day." You look out across the greenery and shake your head. "Why would he go out in a storm?"

Peter shrugs. "He's lost his mind? I think he may have gone to the old castle but it's raining so hard I'm afraid of a wash out on the path."

"We have to go get him Peter. I'll get changed and-"

"No, you can't. It's too dangerous. If the path is flooded then you won't be able follow it. And what if there are downed trees? What if lightning strikes?"

You cross your arms and take a deep breath. "He would come after me. What if he's hurt or stuck or-"

"I'm going with you then." Peter says, pushing his soaked hair back. "I'm not letting you go alone."

"Fine. I'll be back, I'm not wearing a sundress in the rain." You turn and head for your room.

_____________________

The rain is bitter cold when you step out into the garden with Peter. You're soaked instantly, the sweatshirt you put on over your tee has done nothing to protect or insulate you. It's too late to regret not finding a raincoat, not that you knew where to look for one. The ground past the garden is soggy, muddy and disgusting. You tromp through the grass, your old rainboots the only thing between you and soaked feet. Thunder cracks across the sky and you jump.

Peter pulls you away from a small lake of a puddle that you almost walk right into. He holds your arms and your heart races for just a moment. "I should lead the way." He says as you stare at the edge of the darkened forest.

"What if he's not out here?"

"He is. I know my brother. He's gone to the old castle to talk to Mom. It's his coping mechanism, his way of feeling close."

"The fountain. He goes there?"

Peter nods. "You nailed it. I just don't know why he wouldn't have come back by now."

"Maybe he can't?"

"I don't know." Peter sighs and puts his hand out for you to take. "Are you ready?"

You lay your hand in his and swallow hard as you step into the trees and overgrowth. The forest is soaked, flooding evident as the water rushes past in the lower ravines the path dips into. Well, what's left of the path. Most of the dirt trail has been covered with branches and puddles. You hope Peter is confident in his navigation.

Minutes tick by and you grow colder with each one that passes. The rain does not fall so hard under the tree cover but the air is cooler, the ground soaked and chilled, your boots and socks doing little to insulate your toes. You mentally note to buy better rain gear after this. Lined rain boots, a poncho, hell you might even invest in some high waisted wading pants like fishermen use.

Peter slips, going down hard on his butt and sliding down the small incline that leads to the old stone bridge. "Fucking shit!" He shouts and rolls over in the mud at the bottom. "Be careful!"

"I'm not sure how I can avoid this." You say warily and look to your right and left. On either side there are greenery covered slopes that go straight down to the creek. "I'm going to try and walk down slowly."

"I'll catch you." Peter says, standing and looking like the creature from the black lagoon. As if the rain wasn't enough, being covered in mud isn't ideal.

You step down carefully, the once harmless incline now facading as a treacherous mountain. Truly it is not so steep and only spans maybe twelve feet before the ground below flattens out. You step into the mud, digging your heel in for support, but it's no use. Your boot squelches and your foot goes out from under you. Just like that you're sliding down the incline on your butt like Peter had.

Peter stops you, hands on your shoulders as you land in the mud pit with him. "A little bit fun wasn't it?"

"Once the terror of not knowing where you're going to stop goes away, yes."

He chuckles and helps you up. "Just trying to lighten the mood."

You sigh softly. "Let's keep going."

Peter leads you across the bridge and you know it's not far to the old castle from there. He looks back, smiling before turning around again. You can't help but wonder just what he's so giddy about.

The clearing to the broken gates and crumbling walls of the courtyard appear and you feel so relieved, having finally made it. You hurry forward, looking around for Raul as if he would be sitting in the rain. Of course he isn't. But there are flowers on the fountain, a beautiful array of roses and lilies on the side. Raul has been there.

"He's probably inside if he's here." Peter says, pointing to the open iron doors.

You head up the path to the doors, pushing one aside for better access. Inside the rain sounds so hollow on the old stone walls and roofing. It's dry, and for that you're grateful.

"Raul?" You say just above a normal tone, not wanting to yell lest something collapse. "Are you here?"

Behind you the doors creak and Peter steps in. "I think he's here. I saw tracks in the mud along the back of the gatehouse."

You walk along the hall with Peter, looking into every open door along the way. Finally your arrive at the library and the door is open.

"I wish you could meet her." A voice says through the doorway and you freeze. It's Raul. "She's incredible. I think you would be friends."

You look back to Peter with a questioning look and he mouths the word. "Mom?" With a shrug.

"...I should have waited. I shouldn't have rushed into things with Adalia. I'm afraid I can't love someone again, I'm afraid I'll hurt them."

Your heart clenches and Peter lays a hand on your shoulder. He pulls you back gently. "I'll go in first, so he doesn’t think you’ve heard." He whispers and you nod.

Peter slides past you and presses the door open. "There you are."

"Peter! What're you doing here?"

"I came to find you. Dad is pissed, he wants to do the ceremony of lights and you're not there."

"I came to talk to Mom. Why are you covered in-"

You step past the door and into view, stopping Raul in his tracks. "We were worried about you."

Raul walks forward and cups your face. "What happened to you?"

"The muddy incline before the bridge." You chuckle looking over at Peter who is ten times worse. "It's a bit of a slippery slope right now."

Raul wipes your face with the sleeve of his sweater. "Are you alright? Why did you come out in the storm, it's dangerous."

"I wanted to find you. Peter said you might come here and I was worried-"

"That I got hurt." He drops his hands from your face. "I promise I'm alright. I'm sorry I scared you."

"It's okay. I found you."

Peter steps over and clears his throat. "I hate to ruin the moment but we should head back. We're both on Dad's shitlist already, probably shouldn't make it worse. Not that I care, but for your sake Raul.”

"Yeah." Raul sighs heavily. "I'm going to get disgusting like you aren't I?"

"Yep." Peter slaps his hand onto Raul's chest and leaves a nice mudy mark. "Welcome to the club."

"Oh for fucks sa-"

You wrap your arms around Raul's chest and laugh, hugging him tight, transfering your muddy mess onto him as well.

"You two are the worst!" He laughs and Peter joins in on the hugging. "I'm going to get you both back for this!"

_____________________

Upon arriving at the castle you, Peter and Raul are all equally disgusting muddy soggy monstrosities. The moment you get in the back gate the king is waiting for you. He looks pissed, downright murderous as he stands in the open doors to the garden. Someone must have seen you and Peter go into the forest and let him know.

"Care to explain?" The King says harshly.

"I went to talk with Mom." Raul answers. "At the old castle."

The King lifts his wrist and peers at his watch. "For five and a half hours?" He looks to you and Peter. "And you return with these two? Why do I not believe you? Can you guess?"

"Because you're a skeptical asshole?" Peter quips and you raise your eyebrows.

The King looks livid. "No, Peter. I don't believe Raul because he has been lying to me off and on for months on end and I think it's because of this one here." He points to you. “She always seems to be around when Raul is acting out of turn.”

Your heart stinks, stomach churning as tears well up in your eyes. The King has never spoken to you before and he is intimidating enough as is, but to have his anger directed at you, it's too much. You take a shuddery breath and look to the brothers in a panic.

Raul steps in front of you, blocking your view of the king entirely. "She has nothing to do with this. Do not put my actions on her. They came to find me for the ceremony, nothing more."

The King scoffs. "Either way, make yourselves presentable. I'm holding the ceremony in ten minutes with or without you." With that he turns and takes his leave into the castle.

Peter sighs angrily and follows his father, leaving you and Raul alone.

Raul turns and holds your shoulders. "Don't let him get to you he's-"

You let go of the tears you are holding back. There is nothing you can do to stop them as an overwhelming sense of disappointment and shame grip you tight.

"Shit." He gathers you into his arms and you grasp his back tightly, fingers digging into his wet sweater. "I'm sorry he tried to put this on you. You didn't do anything wrong."

"I-I've never even spoken to him and he...he just- I'm very overwhelmed right now."

"I know."

"I didn't do anything."

"I know." Raul steps back and holds your face tenderly. It makes your heart ache. "He is angry at me, not you. I'm the one to blame. I'm the one who keeps getting under his skin. I won't let him take it out on you." He turns your head up to look him in the eyes. "I will protect you, even from my own father."

"But I-"

Raul presses his hand to your mouth, cutting you off. "No buts. You're my best friend, and the most important person I've ever had in my life."

"Raul," you mumble against his hand.

"I-"

"Raul! Let's go!" Shawn yells from the end of the hall, causing Raul to jump and jerk away from you.

You look over and Shawn is dressed in a black suit with a deep purple shirt peeking out from underneath. He looks stunning. Either the King has sent him or he saw Peter and came to find Raul. "Let's go," you whisper.

"Yeah." Raul says softly. "Let's go."

_____________________

You and Raul meet up at the ceremony of lights, taking seats beside each other. Everyone else appears to be there, dressed formally and ready to mourn the late queen. Nenyah has on a dress that matches Shawn's undershirt, a vibrant violet with gold accents. You're sure you look less than formal, semi casual perhaps. You hadn't had a lot of time to work with and neither did Raul. The two of you quickly split after Shawn interrupted your moment together and rejoined on the way to the east lawn by the lake. You threw on a clean navy blue dress and did your best to get the mud out of your hair and off your face. Raul faired far better, having not been stuck in so much mud, and managed to wear a light pink button up and slacks to look semi presentable.

The King stands to begin his speech and gets no more than a few words in before letting his sentence trail off, eyes locked on something behind the seating area.

Naturally everyone catches on to this distraction and turns to see what has happened. It is not a matter of what, but a matter of whom. It's Peter. You hadn't noticed his absence when you arrived but then again you and Shawn were both trying to avoid questions and judgmental looks as it was.

Peter approaches, covered head to toe in the same mud as before. He hasn't changed, hasn't even wiped up his face. A few of the court members gasp and mutter amongst themselves as Peter takes a seat at the back.

"What is he doing?" You whisper to Raul who lets out a debilitating sigh.

"He's pissing our dad off even more."

"Why? He's already livid."

Raul glances to Shawn and they share a head shake. "Peter never has liked our Dad's rules. He's never liked any rules for that matter. The two of them butt heads like fighting bulls."

"Really? Peter doesn't seem the type."

"He doesn't, but by the Gods does he cause trouble when it benefits him." Raul chuckles. "He must have a reason for doing this. He's the smartest man I've ever met, he doesn't do anything without reason."

You sigh and turn around to face the king at the podium. "He seems so docile."

"Peter? Oh yeah no that's a complete front he puts on. Pitiful nerd Peter so unassuming." Raul turns around and faces forward. "He may not seem like a fighter but he is, just not physically."

"Psychologically?"

"Absolutely."

_____________________

The ceremony goes off without any further interruptions or complications. Even the rain cleared up long enough for the candles to be lit and sent out across the lake in their little protective lanterns. One candle for each year of age the queen would have been.

You and Raul go to the lake and release your candles together, you're of the final few to do so. The little lantern covered carriers float away and you watch as they get smaller and smaller.

"You miss her alot huh?" You whisper softly into the muggy storm ridden air.

"I do. I remember her so vividly, it's like she was just here and then gone." He smiles sadly and crosses his arms. "It's been almost twenty years, I was so small when she passed, I shouldn't remember." He turns to you, eyes red, tears on his blotchy freckle covered cheeks. "Maybe they're false memories, things I dreamed up because I didn't have her here."

"Raul, no, they're real." You lay a hand on his arm and he drops it to his side. "They're real to you, even if they aren't a hundred percent accurate. Time fades all things."

"I think some of them are dreams, I don't know. They feel real, the ache of losing her feels real." He's full on crying now, sniffing up a runny nose. "It's hard. I've talked to Peter and Shawn and they just...they don't remember any more. They have a sense of who she was, pictures, stories. But I remember and I-I'm afraid I'm going crazy."

"You're not going crazy." You hold his face and wipe his cheeks with your thumbs. "You've been through hell and back emotionally. Let her be in your memory as she is, don't question it. As long as it feels real, then it is."

He smiles, sad and a little broken. "How did I manage to get you in my life?"

"Luck? Or maybe Fate intervened when you needed her the most."

Raul takes your hands in his and your heart pounds in your chest. "I'm glad, because-"

Yelling from across the lawn startles both of you and you turn to see what is going on. The King is standing near the back of the seating area and you can see Shawn and Peter there as well. They're going at it no doubt.

"Fuck." Raul mutters. "Go on up to the castle, I'll see what's happened."

On your way up the lawn the yelling starts again. You look over and see Shawn physically restraining Peter. Raul runs up and gets between the king and his brothers. You have no clue what is going on but it's obviously getting out of hand. It's for the best that you aren't involved. Some things are way out of your control, but that doesn't make you want to eavesdrop any less.

"Stupid men. They fight for nothing. Angry for nothing."

You look over and see Nenyah with her arms folded over his chest, staring pointedly out the window down from you. "Do you know what's going on?"

"The smaller one, he makes the king angry. It is a senseless fight. I do not understand the likes of men here sometimes."

"You and me both."

Nenyah looks over at you. "You and Raul are closer? Your heart is soft, and your energy is very red."

"We had a moment on the lake shore."

"I did see. You are tender to him. He is delicate, his soul tired from emotional torment. Do not hurt him now. He is open."

You take a deep breath. "He's changed a lot since we first met. I know he's still healing from Adalia and-"

"Do not speak her name."

"I-I'm sorry?"

Nenyah walks closer, her heels clicking methodically with each step. "Speaking her name brings her energies to the room. She does not exist here and never will again. Cast off that name and free this place of her poisons."

"O-okay."

"Go on." She waves her hand languidly. "Raul has changed you say."

"Yeah. He's more light-hearted and sweet. When we met he was closed off, stoic and tired all the time it seemed. I feel like I'm getting to know the real Raul."

Nenyah smiles briefly. "You are good for him."

"I try to be."

"You are succeeding. Mend his heart with a careful hand and he will be a great king."

"I don't know that I have any say in that at all."

"You have more power than you know. Choose your words kindly and carry out actions with care. One person can make all the difference in a moment."

You nod and watch Shawn and Raul haul Peter away from their dad. Nenyah is great to talk to for insight on Raul but her riddling sentences are enough to make your head spin.

_____________________

Days later you are sitting in the library, curled into a sofa with the fireplace burning bright before you. It's a cool day, rainy again but it's no surprise. The season is changing, the cold is coming fast. You grab a paper off the table in front of you and thumb through it. Someone must have left it a few days ago.

One thing in particular jumps out at you. A photo of yourself and Raul on the lawn at the late Queen's birthday ceremony. There is another beside it of you talking to Nenyah and Shawn shortly after the argument between the king and Peter had been disbanded. Your stomach goes sour at the headline.

Double Royal Romance? The Mendes Princes Appear to be Off the Market.

"Oh no," you mutter, flipping through the article. Inside there are more pictures of you and Raul. All of which are on the castle property and are definitely illegal photos. Your chest aches as you scan the article.

"What's up?" Shawn asks and your head snaps to him. He's standing beside the fireplace, you never heard him approach.

"This!" You turn the paper around for him to see. "I-I'm on the front of a tabloid!"

"Ah." Shawn takes the paper and looks it over. "They think you and Raul are an item. I mean obviously Nen and I are, there's no hiding that."

You sink into the cushions and bring your blanket up over your head. "I didn't sign up to be paparazzi'd."

"No one does. Unfortunately if you're associated with royalty, you get noticed." Shawn sets the paper down with thwap on the table. "Pay them no mind."

"Easy for you to say, you've been under the spot light your whole life."

He chuckles. "Well yes, but I promise if you ignore the shit you'll live a happier life."

"In theory." You uncover your head and sigh heavily. "Maybe I've been hanging out with Raul too much."

Shawn walks around the sofa. "Don't change your ways for a tabloid. Raul would catch on anyways, just be upfront with him about this. Honesty is the most important thing in any friendship."

"I'll talk to him."

"Let me know if you need help, or just someone to support you. I'll talk to him too if needed."

"Thanks Shawn."

______________________

"Who would have taken these photos?" Raul asks, spreading the article across his bed. "There weren't any paps on the lawn and security was rampant in the castle on Mom's birthday."

"I know! Maybe it's a zoom lens. Maybe they were outside the courtyard."

Raul lifts the photo of the two of you on the lawn by the lake. "No. There is no way these were from anywhere but on the lawn."

"How did no one notice?"

"Because they weren't taken by a paparazzi. They were taken by a guest." Raul sneers. "I've a good idea who it was."

"What? Who?"

"Your friend, Leah. She's a photographer right? She took that photo of us in the garden when we first started talking."

You reach for your bag and pull out the sketch book that has the photo in question taped inside. "Yeah but that's just us, she was just being nice and taking a picture for me."

"She's the only person who could have done it."

"That's not fair. Plenty of people have cameras."

Raul takes the photo from your hands and looks it over. "Did you ask her to take this picture of us?"

"No."

"Then why would she?"

"Because she thought I'd like a memory of that day? Maybe because she likes you?"

"Tell me, how did you come by this picture? Did she give it to you willingly?"

You shake your head. "No...I saw it in her prints when I went to her place for some other photos she took for me to sketch from."

"And she handed it over then?"

"Y-yeah."

Raul sighs. "Please tell me you see where I'm going with this?"

"Yeah. She's my friend though. I just can't believe she would do this to me. I don't understand why. She is the daughter of a councilor of the court. There is no way she's doing it for money."

Raul sits down on the bed and you take a seat beside him. "Didn't you say the other day that there were rumors about us in town? Before Nenyah and Shawn took over every paper and magazine from here to the Western kingdom?"

"Yeah? Leah told me that...oh."

"How the hell would anyone know what we do here in the castle? We haven't been out alone together other than the ambassador meeting. Why would anyone outside of the castle suspect us of being together?"

"Oh...oh fuck. Leah is the one spreading rumors, she's....she's fucking betrayed me!" You grab the article and crumple it up in your hands. "I'm going to...I'm going to just- I don't know!"

Raul lays his hand over yours and you feel a flush rising in your chest. "Relax. We'll sort this out."

"Your hand is really hot." You look down and he lifts his hand from on top of yours. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good." He flexes his hand and you grab it, tugging on his curved pinky. "What are you doing?" He laughs, eyeing you suspiciously.

"Why is your pinky curved like this?"

"Broke it as a kid. My brothers and I were skateboarding in the courtyard and I fell, tried to get up and Shawn couldn't stop and ran over my hand. Broke my ring finger and my pinky." He flexes his fingers against yours. "My ring finger healed nicely in it's splint but my pinky just didn't want to heal."

"It's different." You turn his hand over and press your palms together. His fingers line up with yours with the exception of his pinky. "It's good for pinky promises though."

He smiles weakly and slots his fingers between yours to hold. "Adalia always thought it looked weird."

"Oh it's a little weird but I like it. It makes you...you."

"Thanks." He lowers your hands, still joined, to the bed. "Sorry to bring her up."

"Nenyah says not to say her name because it brings her energy to the castle."

"She's right. That devil woman is gone and I'm on my way back from hell." He squeezes. "Good thing I've got-"

"Do not make an angel joke, you complete dork."

Raul laughs, falling back into the papers on the bed and holding his stomach. You smack his leg and he just laughs harder because you know he was going to deliver some ultra cheesy angel line and you called him out. To hear that laugh every day you would probably just die, and to be cliche yourself, it's like heaven.

___________________

"What was Peter and your dad arguing about?" You ask a day later on your way to the stables with Raul. The two of you have decided to go out to the old castle to help Peter clean up a bit. He says he has plans to start working on a restoration of the gatehouse.

"On Mom's birthday? It was just Dad's usual bullshit probably."

"You said Peter always has a reason for starting trouble, what's he doing it for? Surely he must not care if your dad kicks him out."

Raul chuckles. "Dad can't kick him out. He is still a member of the family and he has as much right to be in this castle as any of us."

"Ohh, what does your dad think about that?"

"Hates it, but he hates that Peter uses it against him more. I'm not sure what they got into it about but I have a good idea."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah but it's not my business to say." Raul approaches the corral closest to the stable and clicks his tongue a few times to get Rosie's attention. "It's pretty late for her to be out still."

"Maybe the caretaker is giving her some extra time?"

"Nah, Beau must be busy. Or Rosie was being a little shit today. I swear she knows when I'm going to take her out."

You smile softly and reach for Rosie's nose as she approaches. "I'll go grab her reins."

You head into the stable, crossing the stretch of grass that's been trampled by everyone going in and out the backside. You push open the heavy sliding door and look around. At the other end of the run of stalls there is someone standing. Immediately you realize it's Peter because he's wearing a sweater you've seen multiple times and it's really hideous and unforgettable.

"Hey Peter, I thought were meeting y-"

A soft moan comes from the brother and you freeze. Something you definitely did not notice was a second pair of booted feet between Peter's. A hand slides up his back and he braces himself on the stall door. You flush, realizing you've just walked in on Peter getting hot and heavy.

"I-I'll just go-"

Peter steps back quickly and looks down the stalls at you. He's flushed, glasses askew and lips a bit swollen looking. "Oh, sorry."

You mean to say no problem, to dismiss the actions to spare him embarrassment. But your voice gets stuck in your throat as you realize the person he has pressed up against a stall door is Beau, the caretaker at the stables.

"This is Beau." Peter says, gesturing to the stable hand in front of him.

"I know who he is." You say slowly. "I'm just surprised?"

"Because?"

"I just wasn't expecting Beau."

Peter chuckles and runs a hand over his very mussed up hair. "Because he's a guy? Yeah I like guys and girls, no big deal."

Raul walks in, the sound of his boots crunching on the straw behind you gets your attention. "I see you're still here Peter."

"Got sidetracked."

Raul waves at Beau who just looks like he's seen a ghost. "I can tell. You alright bud?"

"He's shy." Peter says softly, reaching over and running a hand through Beau's dark hair. "You know you can talk?"

"I-I'm sorry," Beau blurts, cheeks going hot pink. "I promise I'll get back to work."

Raul chuckles. "Take the day off if you need to. Clearly Peter has plans."

"Hey!" Peter protests.

You lean against a stall door and smile at the banter. "Bring Beau with us to the old castle?"

"Oh no, that's okay, I'll just mind the horses."

"If you want to go you can. Like we used to." Peter says, stepping in front of Beau and grabbing his hands. "We're just going to clean up some rubble so I can get started on my restoration project."

"But..."

"Come on, do something bad for once in your life."

"I-I shouldn't."

Raul walks forward and grabs Rosie's lead off the stall post beside them. "As an acting authority in the castle, I'm giving you permission to come with us Beau. I promise you're not going to get in trouble."

Beau looks to Raul and then back to Peter. "You're sure?"

"I'm sure." Raul chuckles and motions for you to follow him out.

Outside you enter the corral and watch as Raul gets Rosie ready. "Have Peter and Beau been together a while or?"

"Yeah, something like that. Beau's dad used to run the stables for us and Peter was always flirting with Beau. I'm sure they messed around, and judging by Peter's comment about the old castle, they did."

"Well that's nice, that Peter has a familiar face to come back to while he's here."

Raul helps you up onto the horse and swings up behind you. "Dad would be livid."

"The King doesn't like Beau?"

"No, he doesn't like the fact that Peter likes guys." He wraps the reins around his hands and kicks gently to get Rosie going. "It's not a huge secret, but that's one of the main reasons Peter renounced his title."

"That's awful. Why does it bother the King?"

"I don't know. I guess maybe because if Peter chose a guy to marry he couldn't have kids to become heirs to the throne."

"That's selfish."

Raul hums. "That's my dad for you."

On your left you see Peter riding out of the stable alone. He's got a backpack on his back and a hat on over his messy hair. You look back and Beau is standing at the fence. You hope something didn't go wrong because you interrupted them.

_____________________

After an hour of cleaning up and stacking bricks aside from the collapsed gatehouse, you decide to say something to Peter. Things don't feel awkward but you do on the inside. You feel like Beau didn't come because he was embarrassed.

"Hey, I'm sorry for interrupting you earlier." You say as Peter drops a pile of sticks in a brush area.

"Huh? Oh it's fine. I think Beau was a little spooked."

"Why didn't he come with?"

Peter pushes his glasses up and chuckles. "He's shy. He doesn't talk to people much."

"I know. I think I've spoken maybe a handful of words to him and gotten less in return. He's sweet though, always polite when he does talk, but very quiet."

He stares into space as he responds. "Yeah. He's...he's definitely sweet."

You nudge his arm and he snaps back to reality.

"Sorry."

"You missed him a lot huh?"

"A whole lot. I was amazed he was still here, and actually took over his dad's job. As soon as I saw him the day after mom's birthday I think my heart stopped."

You laugh softly. "Someone's got a crush."

"Oh it's beyond a crush." He stretches and starts walking back toward the gatehouse. "I'd give it all up for him. Already have really."

"Wow."

"Love is crazy." He looks over at you. "But you wouldn't know anything about that would you?"

You eye him suspiciously and he grins.

Raul meets the two to you halfway way to the gatehouse and wraps his arm around your shoulders. "We should head back, I'm getting hungry."

"Yeah. We made enough progress today." Peter says, surveying the gatehouse. "I think I might try and get one of the ATVs out here to haul the shingles. They're too heavy for me to keep moving one by one."

"You have ATVs?" You ask, looking back at Rosie and Peter's horse. "Why are we taking the horses then?"

"They need exercise, a change of scenery." Raul chuckles. "Plus, I like riding with you."

Peter snorts.

"What?" Raul asks and Peter gives him a look. "Don't even."

"I didn't say a damn thing." Peter says smugly and turns to head to the horses.

You look up at Raul and he rolls his eyes. "What did he do?"

"He knows what he did. Come on, let's head back."


	4. Chapter 4

Leah walks into the library and sets her books down on the table beside you. It's been a week since you became suspicious of her selling photos to the press. You haven't spoken to her about it, and you weren't going to without Raul present. But here she is and you're sweating trying to figure out how to approach it.

"I haven't heard from you in forever."

"I've been busy. Dad has me helping him." A complete lie. "And I've been working with Peter to find building plans for the old castle."

"How's Raul?"

"Don't know, haven't seen him."

Leah sits and raises her eyebrows. "Rough times?"

"Yeah." You glance at her. She's buying your lies. You're going to test her, feed her misinformation and see if it makes the newspapers. "He's been acting weird lately."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"It's fine."

"How's Peter?"

"Fine?" You close your notebook and give her your full attention. "Why?"

"I heard he and the King have been getting into fights."

"Maybe, I don't know. We only talk about architecture stuff and the history of the old castle."

Leah sighs. "I hear he's kind of a rebel, a real bad boy underneath that dorky exterior. Think I'd have a chance?"

You let out a snort as you stifle a laugh. Leah is hilarious. She would never stand a chance with Peter, not in a million years. "Uh, no. He's taken anyway."

"What?! When?!"

"I don't know when. I just know he isn't single."

"Ugh, lame. I wanted a prince too."

"He's not a prince."

"Whatever." She rolls her eyes. "How was your finals?"

"Good. Not too hard. I'm glad to be through with classes for a bit. One more semester and I get my degree in northern history and social studies."

"Sounds nice. I've got another year and when I told Dad he just about had a heart attack. My photo developing stuff is so expensive but I have to have it."

You nod, noting her struggle. She needs money for photography tools. Money her dad won't give her since she's in her fifth year of college now. Oh how the pieces fall together. "What're you going to do?"

"I don't know. I'm trying to sell prints but it's hard."

"How about photojournalism?"

There's a pause. "Yeah...maybe. Probably doesn't pay well."

"I wouldn't know." You deadpan at her and she looks uncomfortable.

"Yeah. I'll check it out I guess." Leah stands and grabs her books. She turns without another word and heads for the doors.

You stand as soon as she's gone and head for Raul's room. Leah has a motive now, the photos would make sense. You wonder how far your information about Peter and Raul will go. You need a plan, a better one than the one you're just making up on the fly.

____________________

The next day you find yourself sitting in the lounge with all three brothers and their counterparts. Shawn beside Nenyah on a loveseat. Raul beside you with his socked feet over yours on the ottoman. And Peter with Beau asleep with his head on his lap on the huge sofa. It's such a strange meeting, surreal almost. Never in a lifetime did you think you would be sitting in a castle plotting with three, well, two princes and an ex prince.

"The girl. Leah? She is the one selling photographs?" Nenyah says as you and Raul finish explaining what you suspect is going on.

"Yes. She is my friend. Was. She was my friend." You sigh angrily. "She has to be stopped."

"It seems by the photos that the media has pulled away from Nen and I, so I'm not sure there is much we can do to get their attention back." Shawn says.

Raul chuckles. "Yeah, you're old news."

Shawn flips him off and Nenyah lowers her husband's hand with a scowl in his direction.

"I could distract the media." Peter pipes up. "What's more juicy of a story? Raul the divorced prince finding someone or myself, the exiled prince returned and dating a gorgeous stable hand."

"Dad would kill you." Shawn says.

Peter shrugs. "Dad can't do shit to me. I've already got his attention on me and away from Raul. What's one more thing?"

"Is that why you started a fight at the ceremony?" You ask and Peter points at you knowingly.

"You nailed it." Peter grins.

Shawn sighs and Nenyah makes a noise of distaste.

"I know how Dad is. He got it in his head that Raul is being influenced by our friend here after we dragged him home muddy and disgusting. I knew if I didn't do something to distract him he would just go back to blaming her."

You look to Raul and then over to Peter. "You made him mad to protect me?"

"Absolutely." Peter says nonchalantly. "You don't deserve to be treated like shit by him because you're Raul's friend, hell, my friend, and you've made a huge difference in Raul's life. I know my dad would try and separate you two."

Raul slides his arm around your shoulders and gives you a side hug. "Thank you Peter."

"Any time. You saved my ass plenty when we were growing up. It's time I returned the favor."

______________________

With Peter's distraction plan in place, you and Raul decide to remain in the castle as usual. Though you can't help but wonder what exactly is going on between the two of you. Some days Raul feels like your best friend, others he feels like your boyfriend. Nenyah knows the truth, that both of you have serious feelings and she continues to tell you, well, encourage you to act on them. You're not sure if she's spoken to Raul but you don't think she has. It's as if she wants you to make the first move, to guide Raul into a confession.

So here you are in the greenhouse on the other side of the garden. Much of the plants have been brought in for the season, and others thrive year round in the massive raised beds. You haven't been here much, it was too stuffy before, the humidity of the room is stifling most days.

Raul is planting some tulip bulbs in a large pot. They are his mom's favorite and will be transferred to the outdoor garden in the warmer months. You watch, sketching as he works. It's so peaceful, serene in the way one might watch a sunset.

"Raul? Can I ask you a question?"

"Always." He stops and takes a seat on the stone edge of the garden bed. "Is something wrong?"

"No. I've been thinking about how people perceive us."

"Mmm."

You set aside your sketchbook. "What are we Raul?"

"We're friends?"

"Friends don't hold each other's hands, or cup each other's faces. Friends just aren't as affectionate and I am conflicted because I-"

Raul stands and walks over to you, cutting you off as he grabs your face, tilting your head up and presses a kiss to your forehead. It's soft and delicate and your eyes fall closed instinctively. "Do you feel anything when I do that?" He whispers, head against yours.

"Only everything."

Raul pulls back and squats down in front of you so you are eye to eye. "I was so scared I was wrong, that's why I've never said anything."

"Wrong about me?" You touch his cheek gently.

He nods. "I was scared I was reading you wrong, that you were just being supportive. I didn't want to get hurt, or hurt you. I-I'm terrified right now."

You wrap your arms around him and he presses his face into your shoulder. "We can take things one day at a time. I'm in no rush to be a couple, if that's what we end up being."

"Thank you. I'm so glad you understand."

"Of course." You sigh softly, relaxing into his arms as they come up around you. "I'm happy we have gotten to this point. I always want to be this honest with each other."

"We will."

_____________________

A week passes and you and Raul don't change anything about how you interact with each other. Deciding to admit you feel like more than friends couldn't have been a worse time. Your plan with the others is to draw attention away from you and Raul and put it on Peter and Beau. The two of you holding hands, kissing, hugging or even being seen alone together right now would definitely be viewed as couple-like. That's not to say you're actively avoiding these things, it's just that you're not doing them yet. They haven't come up until now.

"I want to take you to the autumnal ball."

"What? I'm already going." You turn around from the dresses you're looking at for the aforementioned event. A designer for the royal family has brought in a collection of dresses and suits for the family and court members should they be interested.

Raul strolls along the suit rack, fingers brushing the sleeves carelessly. "I want you to be my date."

"Raul, it's only been a week since Peter and Beau have initiated the plan. Why on Earth would you want to just throw it all away?"

"Nerves."

"Nerves? You have nerves about the ball so you want to make it worse by appearing in public and being scrutinized?"

"No, I'm nervous that we are never going to take the next step because we're hiding."

"It's not hiding Raul." You grab a pink dress and pull it's skirt out. "It's privacy while we sort out our feelings."

Raul sighs heavily and walks over to you, pushing the pink dress from your hand gently. "Not that one."

You raise your eyebrows and give him a look.

"I mean...can I choose?"

"Why?"

"Because I want you to wear something I picked out. I want to see if I can pick something you like and that compliments you."

You step back and smile gently. "Alright, go on."

Raul walks along the rack, glancing back at you from time to time. He shakes his head, lifts a dress, puts it back. He goes on for another minute or two. Finally he settles on a dark blush colored one and brings it over.

"This is it."

"This one?" You ask, taking the dress and holding it up. It has a long flowy tulle like skirt and an embroidered top with cap sleeves. "You think this will look good?"

"Is it bad? Did I fuck up?" Raul looks panicked.

"No, it's beautiful." You motion for him to turn around so you can change. The dress is a bit tight but it goes up over your chest and stomach fine without the back closing. It is a sample after all. "Okay, how's it look?"

Raul turns around and he is unreadable. You smooth the skirt and he steps forward for a better look you assume. "This is not it."

"Is it because it's tight?"

"No. It's just not the right color." Raul turns and goes back to the rack, mumbling something about how he shouldn't have grabbed that one.

Another few minutes pass and Raul brings you two dresses. A bright royal blue and an off white with pearl beading. You take the blue one first, afraid that a white one would make you look too formal and bride-like. The blue dress is a bit looser and you can almost get the back zipped up. It's nice, simple and not too flashy.

Raul turns and shakes his head. "The color is great but it's not flattering?" He sighs softly. "Please don't take that the wrong way. I don't know that much about fashion or anything but-"

"I trust your judgement." You chuckle and he looks relieved. "I'm not going to lie, I'm nervous about the white one."

"Why?" He lifts the pile of ornate fabric from the back of the chair beside you. "It's beautiful."

"It's bridal."

Raul let's out a soft oh sound and holds it up. "Aren't bridal gowns more boofy and intricate. They have those train things and all that hooplah."

"Not all of them. Very expensive ones have all the bells and whistles for sure."

Raul passes it to you and you take it skeptically. "Try it. It's not a bridal gown to me."

"Alright." You laugh and he turns away for the third time. This dress fits alright, a bit loose but it's fine. You glance in a mirror propped up nearby and your heart lurches into your throat. It's definitely bridal.

"Are you done?"

"Y-yeah."

Raul turns and opens his eyes. His mouth falls open and he stares at you nearly expressionless. He grips his pant legs and takes a deep shuddering breath.

"It's not the one."

"No, it's not." He walks forward and reaches for you but let's his hand fall short of touching you. "Not the right one."

"It's beautiful. Just not-"

"Not the right time."

You flush, heat rising in your cheeks. "Let's not forget we aren't exactly together yet."

"Right. Rushing gets us nowhere."

"That's right." You twist back and forth, making the dress flow around your legs. "Maybe someday I'll have a dress like this."

Raul lays his hand on the side of your neck and you look up to him, heart pounding. "You will."

"Don't rush your feelings."

"I won't."

"Let's find a dress, together."

Raul presses a kiss to your forehead. "Together."

_____________________

The two of you end up deciding you don't like any of the dresses brought to the castle. None of them are quite right. Raul did choose a suit, a nice black with a silken pattern across the lapels of the jacket. Not picking a dress from the ones provided meant you would need to wear something you have or go into town for one. The thought of going into town is daunting. You've been avoiding it since the photos of you and Raul on the lawn came out. It's now or never, you're going to get a dress.

"I'll go with you." Raul says as he stands with you at the front doors to the entryway.

"No. I can pick out my own."

"But I want to choose one."

"It'll be fine."

Raul digs around in his pocket and produces his wallet. "Take my card. Buy any you like and bring them back to try on."

"That's ridiculous!"

"Then I'll go." He waves the card between his fingers. "Card or me?"

"Card." You snatch the card away and he smirks. "You can be such a twit."

He tucks his fingers under your chin and kisses your forehead. "Only when I want to get my way."

You push him and he cackles. "I see, this Raul comes out when we get past the friend stage huh?"

"No no," he steps in and wraps his arms around you. "I promise I'm not always this way. I was teasing you."

"I know. I was teasing back."

"Now go get dresses and bring them back, I want to see."

_____________________

You end up not doing as Raul asked, and instead finding a bright red dress that fit like it was made for you. As a surprise, you had it bagged in a black storage bag before bringing it back to the castle. Raul was none too happy but in the end settled on knowing that you loved it and trusting your judgement.

It's been a full two weeks since Peter and Beau began to be seen in public. The photos aren't as good as the ones of you and Raul. You know they aren't shot by Leah and you think things are falling through. You decide to intervene, to talk to Leah and see if you can get any information from her. You do not have concrete proof she was the one taking photos or that she sold them to the news outlets. While you don't entirely trust her and you're deeply hurt that she would do this, you cannot completely accuse her.

It's the weekend and you are at her place, watching as she develops photos. It's strange, you would think if she were doing sketchy things she wouldn't let you be there while printing and developing photos. You hadn't given her much warning either.

"Can I ask you a question Leah?"

"Sure."

"Why do you think people are obsessed with Raul and I?"

Leah turns and lays out a large print across the table in front of you. "I don't know. Gossip? They're bored with their lives and want to see something interesting?"

"I guess. It's not like we're doing anything exciting. We're hanging out. That's not a story."

"No, but people see what they want." She peels her gloves off from working with the prints and tosses them. "People are going to twist your words and view your friendship with Raul how they want. Maybe they're jealous, curious, worried about the prince. Everyone has a reason."

"Jealous...yeah. I could see that."

"Raul is the most eligible bachelor, the one of the only unwed single princes in the four kingdoms. I'm sure loads of girls want him."

You laugh softly. "They have no idea."

"Oh?"

"Raul is...he's changed a lot. I don't know if people see that."

"I do. He's happier for sure. You've made a huge difference."

You stand and look at a few of her photos hanging along a line of rope. They're all scenery and pets and shop fronts. "Did you see the ones from the kingdom news? From the Queen's birthday?"

"Uh, yeah, of course they were front page."

"I wonder how someone got them."

"Zoom lens I'd guess. We had security everywhere."

You look at her and she's busy with the large print on the table. "Yeah, it's strange."

"It happens."

"Maybe so."

______________________

"My family is coming." Nenyah says as she sits beside you on a garden bed in the greenhouse. She just walked in a few moments ago, heels giving her away, but you hadn't seen her until now.

"That's nice. Are you excited?" You try to read her but it's near impossible.

She shakes her head. "My father will not like the king. I know this."

"Oh. Are you afraid they will fight?"

Nenyah nods. "My father is a strict Elfin. He did not like Shawn."

"Uh oh. So is that why you haven't gone home yet?"

"No. We stayed to attend the ball. After we will leave."

You take a seat as she drums her manicured hand against the stone. "Can I help ease the situation?"

"No. I only wanted to talk. Thank you for listening."

"Any time."

"You will be a good queen. You are patient and understanding."

You laugh softly. "Dunno about that."

Nenyah stands and brushes her legs off. "Raul would have no other."

"That's crazy. We haven't even done anything as a couple. We haven't even kissed, how could he know I'm the one he would marry."

"The heart knows and your energies do not lie."

"Yeah." You look away from Nenyah to the roses nearby. "Wish he knew that."

_____________________

Beau approaches you while you're waiting for Raul to come back from a ride with Rosie. He's got his hat on backward and sleeves rolled up, jeans covered in mud. He looks a mess but oh so cute.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure. Is something wrong?"

Beau shakes his head. "I was wondering if you could help me choose a suit for the ball? I have no idea what looks good or what my color is. I don't want to make Peter look bad."

"Are you nervous?"

"Very much so."

You hope off the fence and wave Raul down from across the corral. "I'm taking Beau into town!"

"No lunch then?" Raul asks as he trots closer. "Or should I save some for you?"

"Save me some." You lay your hand on Beau's shoulder. "He needs a suit."

Raul smiles big as he slides off Rosie's side. "Peter is bringing you to the ball?"

"Of course." Beau says softly. "He says he's got a surprise too."

Raul's eyebrows go up. "Peter? A surprise? I'm shocked. He can't keep a secret for longer than an hour."

You shake your head. "Come on Beau. Let's go find you something good."

_____________________

You and Beau arrive in town at the shop where you found your dress. A place called Ozuka. It's the top store for special occasion clothing and bridal wear. Beau stares out the window and then back at you.

"I can afford this place."

"What? I can-"

"Can we go to the rental place?"

"Beau. Let me get you a suit."

"No, no you can't. I can't be in debt to you like that." He grips his seatbelt and stares down the street. "The thrift store is fine too."

"But a nice suit from Ozuka will compliment Peter much better. I can afford it, we can even look at the discount stuff from last season."

Beau sighs. "I don't belong with royals."

"Whoa hey." You lay your hand on Beau's shoulder. "What's going on?"

"I-I'm a stable hand. I belong with the horses, not at balls and fancy restaurants and buying suits that cost a month of my paychecks. I love Peter, I do, but I don't fit in."

"Beau, you have as much right to be here and love Peter as anyone. It doesn't matter if you're a prince or a caretaker. Are you afraid of people talking behind your back? Because you fit in just fine."

Beau trembles, knuckles white on the strap of the seatbelt. "The King will hate me for taking his son, he probably already does. I'm the reason Peter renounced his title, I'm the reason he and the king fight all the time. If I never talked to Peter, if I never told him I liked guys then..then maybe-"

You unbuckle your seatbelt and pull Beau closer, his head on your shoulder across the console. "Hey, Peter would have still left his title eventually. His strife with the king is not your fault, it is the king's. If anything you have made Peter's choices worthwhile." You run a hand over his hair and he takes a deep breath. "Peter loves you. Anyone with eyes can see that it's no secret. Don't change who you are or begin regretting your life because you're afraid of who will judge you."

He nods.

"Let's get you a suit now. Anything you like. It'll be a gift."

"What if it's really expensive?"

"I'll give the king the bill."

Beau sits up and his eyes are wide.

You chuckle. "What? I can give the bill to Raul and he can pass it on saying it's what he bought."

"That's so..."

"Sneaky? Maybe. But hey, you deserve it for everything you do and everything you've done for Raul and myself. Let's go."

______________________

The day of the autumnal ball arrives and you and Beau decide to get ready together. Both of you want to surprise your respective dates with your outfits. Raul has been begging for days to see the dress you got but you would not cave to his pleas.

You turn away from the mirror, checking that your earrings are still secure as you walk into the bedroom. You see Beau standing at the mirror in there, fidgeting with the sleeves of his jacket.

"Anxious?"

"Extremely. This is the first time Peter and I will be appearing publicly at a royal event."

"People know you're together, obviously that's been the talk of the towns since we had you and Peter start going out."

Beau runs a hand over his messy curly dark hair. It looks so soft and has pretty sun lightened highlights all throughout. "I know people know. I don't mind being open with Peter, that's fine. This is different though."

You nod. "I understand. I'm nervous about being seen with Raul. We aren't actually going together like you and Peter. We'll show up separately."

"Raul hasn't asked you out?"

"Not in so many words. We have discussed very lightly how we feel about each other, but nothing is concrete."

Beau turns away from the mirror and smiles, eyes going down your dress. "You look stunning."

"So do you," you laugh, gesturing to his suit. It's a rich burgundy with a black undershirt. It looks beautiful against his olive skin tone. "That suit is just made for you."

"I think this is the nicest I've ever looked."

You fold your arms and look him up and down. "You look like a prince."

Beau's face goes red. "W-what?"

You grab a gold metal headband off your dresser that looks a bit like a crown and set it on his head. "Yeah, you're a prince for sure. Anyone who doesn't already know you, is going to wonder who you are."

"You're too nice."

"No, I'm serious. I'd think you were a prince from the western islands."

"My dad is from there actually." He chuckles and lifts the headband off. "He is much tanner than me and my mom is northern. I got his skin tone mostly. My sister is very pale. I'm talking too much aren't I? You don't care about my heritage. I talk when I'm nervous."

"I don't mind." You check your hair in the mirror and turn to him. "I like hearing people talk."

"We should go. The guys are probably waiting."

"Probably, but they can wait. Tell me about your family, let yourself calm down a little."

____________________

Peter is the first to come knocking, wondering where you and Beau are. You open the door and peek your head out. For a moment you think he is Raul. You've never seen Peter dressed up and looking like a prince. He's in fitted black slacks, a tucked in black button down with gold accents in the fabric, and matching black boots. He even has his hair styled, pushed back off his forehead and he has his crown on. Had it not been for his glasses, you would have said it was Raul.

"Yes?" You smile and he raises his eyebrows.

"Are you two almost ready?" Peter tries to peek around you but you block the doorway. "Raul and I are ready."

"Yeah we're ready. We were just talking." You look over behind the door to see Beau chewing his lip anxiously. "What's up with the headpiece," you tap your head, gesturing to his crown. "I thought you weren't a prince?"

Peter smiles smugly. "I may have renounced my title, negating my chance at taking the throne, but I'm still the child of a king and queen. I'm still a prince by birth."

"Ah ha. So...the crown is to piss your dad off or?"

"Something like that." Peter pushes the door open and you step back so he can walk in. The moment he spots Beau in his burgundy suit his hand goes to his chest. "Gods you're beautiful."

Beau flushes, tugging his suit jacket. "You like it?"

"Like it?" Peter saunters forward and runs his hand down Beau's chest. "You look like more of a prince than me."

"Stop," Beau mumbles, looking away and Peter turns his face back to him.

You clear your throat gently. "I'm still here guys."

Peter turns and grins. "You wanna watch?"

"W-watch?! Watch what?!" Beau splutters.

Peter cackles and lifts his crown from his head and places it on Beau's. "Nothing darling. Nothing at all."

"What...what are you putting this on me for?"

"Because you're my prince tonight." Peter puts his arm around Beau's back. "Let's go."

You give them a smile and nod with a thumbs up to Beau. He looks beyond himself. You follow them out of the room and take a deep breath. You can only hope Raul's reaction to your dress is as good as Peter's was to Beau's suit.

____________________

Peter and Beau enter the ballroom together, making a statement as they approach the head table. You watch from the doors that you and the rest of the royal court enter through. They're so cute, walking hand in hand toward the table, smiling at everyone. You look around for Raul, he hasn't arrived yet it seems. You wish you could walk in with him, and you could, but you're still sorting out your relationship. It's alright. Maybe next year.

You take a seat by your friends at the table closest to the members of the court. Most people are up and walking around, chatting, waiting for the rest of the royal family to arrive. After them, the Eastern king and queen will arrive and make their entrance. Then the western and that will be all. Because of Adalia, the southern royals were not invited, obviously. Not that they ever show up. They are definitely a little on the uptight side.

"Hey! It's been forever since I saw you!"

You turn and look at the person speaking. It's Oliver, Ollie for short, an acquaintance of yours from school. His dad is on the court too. "Hi Ollie."

"How have you been?"

"Good. I've been studying, I think I might major in architecture. I know I'm graduating soon in business studies but It doesn't feel like me."

Ollie looks surprised. "Does your dad know?"

"Not yet. I'll have to do like five more years of school though." You laugh softly. "I'm sure he won't mind, I've got scholarship options."

"Damn. I don't envy you. Why architecture though?"

"Peter has really piqued my interest. It's gone from hobby to full time obsession since we started cleaning up around the old castle ruins."

Ollie sighs and looks over to the royal family. "I can't believe you're so lucky to hang out with Peter."

"He's pretty cool."

"So are you and Raul like...a thing?"

"Did we show up together?"

"No?"

You sigh softly. "That should answer your question."

Ollie makes an oh sound before falling silent, reading your vibe that you're not up for chatting about your relationship with Raul. Before he can change the subject, the royal guard calls to attention and the big double doors open.

Raul walks in, crown on his head, hands in his pockets. He looks good, better than you've ever seen him. In fact he seems to have gotten a haircut, the sides are definitely trimmed up and his top curls are very bouncy looking. He looks around, eyes scanning the room for you.

You stand, smoothing the skirt of your dress and taking a deep breath. It's not like he's going to disapprove of your dress, you know it looks great. Your heart flutters, choking you a bit as he approaches, eyes locked on to you. He is not being subtle in the least.

"You look unbelievable." Raul says, eyes sweeping up and down your figure. "I never thought red would be the color made for you, but it is."

"Thanks." You murmur, chewing your lip.

"Come sit with me?" He asks softly, looking to the royal table as he steps closer to you, hand on your waist. "I want you beside me."

"Raul I can't." You look around at everyone staring at you. "This isn't the plan."

He leans in real close and you hold your breath. "I think its time to say fuck the plan. I don't want to wait until-"

The royal guard announces the Eastern family and you and Raul both look to the doors as they open. In walks the Elfin King and his wife. They're beautiful, dressed head to toe in bold colors, crowns made of what look to be golden branches. They are like Nenyah, dark complexion with white hair, tall and very regal. You can tell Nenyah looks like her father.

The room is silent as they enter. Shawn and Nenyah stand at the royal table along with the king. Just as pleasantries are being exchanged and the crowd goes back to their chatting, you feel Raul grab your hand. It snaps you out of your staring and you look at him.

"She's here." He says barely above a whisper.

"What? Who?" You look around and that's when you spot her, dressed in a long green gown, walking in beside a young man who looks to be Elfin. Adalia McClure.

"Why is she here?" Raul stiffens up, hand clenching yours.

You shake your head. "I don't understand, why would she be here? Why-"

Nenyah passes you and Raul, heels clicking furiously against the floor. She looks murderous. In a matter of seconds she has Adalia cornered against the wall, and somehow hardly anyone is paying attention.

Raul pulls you along and the two of you get closer to find out what's going on. "Nenyah-" You stop Raul just short of reaching the princesses.

"You dare enter this castle." Nenyah spits, words harsh and crisp with each syllable. "You dare to show here with the harm you caused?"

"I don't see-" Adalia starts and Nenyah silences her with a look.

"Keep your mouth closed. I will rip your tongue out and feed it to the dogs lest hear your words." Nenyah raises her hand and points at Adalia's face. "It is one thing to show here after what you have done but it is another to show here with my brother."

Your eyes go wide and you look to Raul who looks equally as shocked.

"I didn't come here to be attacked!" Adalia says angrily and Nenyah takes a step forward, face hauntingly calm. "Your brother and I were inv-"

"No. My brother was invited. Not you." Nenyah looks around, you assume she is searching for her brother to ream his ass too. "Where is he? Nahalleh! Nahalleh!"

A guard approaches and Raul steps in front of him. "You aren't needed."

"Several guests have reported an escalating argument, your highness."

"I understand, but this is not a concern yet." Raul looks over to Nenyah who has been joined by her brother. "Stand by."

"Nenyah! What the seven hells??" Her brother shouts as Nenyah grabs him by the tie around his neck.

"You are as thick as a halowood tree. You think that bringing her," she cuts a glare to Adalia "is a good idea? You would shame Prince Raul in his own home?"

"I did not know!" Nahalleh says angrily.

"Liar," Nenyah says through her teeth.

"Are you about done?" Adalia quips, stepping aside and walking toward where you and Raul are standing. "I've got business to attend to."

You grab Raul's hand and he turns his attention from the guard to you.

"Raul, you look good." Adalia says smoothly. "And you must be...." She looks you over as if trying to sort out who you are. As if you had never met before. "Who?"

"A f-"

"My girlfriend." Raul says and gathers you against his chest, hand in your hair. "What do you want, Adalia?"

Your heart stops. Girlfriend. When did that happen? When did this decision happen?

"Girlfriend? I'm surprised." Adalia says.

"Because? You didn't expect me to move on? You clearly have."

Adalia scoffs. "Moved on? How will you ever move on with a secret like yours? Does she know? Will anyone love you like I did, despite what I know?"

You look up at Raul and he is clenching his jaw, hand tight against your back.

"Get out." Raul says, voice low and you get a chill. "Leave and never set foot in this kingdom again."

"You can't ban me from the kingdom. The free-walk treaty specifically states that-"

"That any citizen of any kingdom may walk freely among each other should they not be of criminal intent or charged with criminal offense." Nenyah says, approaching you and Raul. "It would be quite hard to walk should you not have legs."

"Excuse me?" Adalia scoffs. "Are you threatening me Nenyah?"

"That is Princess Nenyah of the Elfin of Eryah. You will not address me so casually. That was not a threat. It was a promise."

Raul pulls you away and motions to the guard to go intervene. He walks until you're on the edge of the crowd, away from Adalia. "I'm sorry."

"Why? You didn't do anything wrong."

"I know, I know. Let's go enjoy the festivities."

You lay your hand on his chest. "Do we need to talk?"

"Not now." Raul says softly, covering your hand with his. "Come, sit with me at the royal table."

"But-"

"Please. Not now."

"Alright."  
______________________

Approaching the royal table by Raul's side is the most daunting thing you've ever done, and you don't make it. Your legs stop half way and you freeze in place. It's too much. You're not ready. It's funny really, you always seemed to be the ready one. The one who was waiting for Raul to sort out his feelings, to take the next step. But here you are terrified to make your relationship with Raul public.

"I can't. I'll go to my table." You pull your hand away from Raul's. "This isn't right. Not like this."

"Princess please."

Your heart stops. "I'm not a princess Raul."

"Fuck, I'm sorry I just-"

"Go on. We can talk later." You step back and he looks hurt, eyes desperately searching yours for something you do not know. "I promise I'm not angry. I just- not like this."

Raul nods and turns to go to the royal table.

The rest of the night you sit alone, watching Raul from your table. It's pitiful. You pick at your dinner, and politely refuse dessert. You notice early on Raul is drinking. One glass of wine after another. You can’t help but feel like it’s your fault, that he feels like he’s done something to upset you.

_____________________

Raul ends up plastered. He is beyond shit faced as you hold him up in the hall behind the grand ballroom hours later. You've never seen him drink, not a single thing since you met. Though you suppose the occasion never arrived until now.

Things went well enough during the rest of the evening, no one asked much of your association with Raul. Even the king kept his mouth shut to Raul, though he was much more preoccupied with the Elfin King and his wife. For that you are truly grateful. Shortly after you and Raul seated yourselves, Adalia was seen being escorted out of the ballroom and what you can only hope to be to a waiting car to return her home. You are curious though, about her appearance. Why did she worm her way into the ball? Why did she seem genuinely surprised that Raul was not single?

There are many questions spinning around in your head. Not just Adalia but her words. What secret does Raul have that is so horrible? You don't know everything about the guy obviously but you've both been very open with your pasts and feelings. Why would he hide something? The entire dinner you are consumed by your thoughts, missing the majority of the King's speech about the fall harvest and turning of the seasons and what not.

It's not until you were dancing with Raul, close but not touching, that you notice he wasn't quite all there. He was like a zombie almost, eyes glazed, face relatively expressionless but flickering toward one of confusion and concern now and again. You didn't chat, barely got a word out of him until he said he wanted to be alone with you and grabbed your hand.

That's how you ended up in an empty hall behind the ballroom with him now sitting against the cold stone wall. You sit beside him and he takes your hand in his once more.

"Do you know what she told me?" He says into the empty hall, not facing you or anything.

"Who?"

"Adalia. Before she left."

"No, I don't know. You said she blamed you but that's all."

Raul takes a deep breath and you realize he's crying. "She said that it was my fault she cheated. That because I'm broken she would never be happy."

"Raul, you're not broken."

"I am." He shakes, hand releasing yours. "I'm broken and you're going to leave me like she did."

You crawl into his lap and hold his face so he looks up at you. "What makes you broken?"

"If I tell you will you be angry?"

"Of course not."

Raul shakes his head. "I can't have kids. I'm broken, my body is broken and we don’t know why. I found out when Adalia and I got married."

"You can't...oh." You slump down and he looks hurt. "She left because you couldn't have a child with her, no child, no heir."

"Yeah."

"Does the king know?"

"No." Raul closes his eyes. "Dad can never know. Not until I take the throne. He probably won't give it to me until I have a kid anyway."

You hold his face in your palms gently. "So do you want kids?"

"I'd like one or two." He mumbles. "But I just can't, so why dream?"

"This is your big secret then?" You ask softly, petting his hair back. "This is what you've been scared of telling me and everyone?"

"Yes."

"I'm not going to leave you because of this, just so you know. I'll be here no matter what. Even if we don't work out as a couple, I'll be here as your best friend and-"

Raul leans forward and covers your mouth with his. His hand slides up your back and the other cradles your face. Your stomach sinks and your heart stops. He kisses you so gently, so almost not there that you aren't sure that it's really happening. It should be relieving, the best kiss of your life because you've wanted it for so long, but it's not. It doesn't feel right and he tastes like red wine.

"What...I-" You murmur as he pulls away.

"Be my girlfriend." Raul whispers. "I want to take this step if you're ready."

"Raul." You sigh, touching his lips tenderly as his mouth falls open a bit. "You're so drunk."

"Y-yeah?"

"Let's not make decisions like this right now. This isn't how our first kiss is meant to go."

He leans his head back against the wall and closes his eyes. "I'm sorry. I fucked up." He takes a shuddery breath. "I'm so sorry."

"It's alright." You rub his chest back and forth over his collarbones. "You're emotional."

"I'm so tired." He whispers and you know that he means more than physically. He's tired of Adalia. He's tired of keeping secrets. He's tired of not being able to be the man he wants to be because someone or something is always holding him back. It's obvious, and for the second time since you met him, his eyes are distant, glassy, numb to the world as he looks back at you.

"You should get some sleep, sober up a bit." You crawl off his lap and he looks up. "I don't think I can lift you."

"Leave me here. I don't care."

"Raul."

"Just...go."

______________________

You find Raul the next morning laying on the floor of your bedroom. You never heard him come in and you definitely never heard him close the old heavy door. He's still in his dress clothes, well, most of them. The jacket is long gone and you can't help but wonder how he lost it between the hall and your bedroom. He's a mess. It feels like everything you have worked towards is just slipping away from you.

"Raul, hey, wake up." You nudge him with your foot and he opens his eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Body hurts." He groans. "I'm cold."

"Maybe if you didn't sleep on my floor, you'd be warm." You squat down and he pulls you down on top of him. "Hey!"

"Everything hurts." He murmurs into your neck. “Cuddle me?”

You stretch out across his chest. "Wanna talk about it? You got pretty messed up last night."

"Yeah. I don't remember a lot now." He curls his fingers into your back. "I do remember telling you about...yeah...you're really not gonna leave?"

"No Raul."

"Even if I can't take the throne?"

You shake your head and chuckle softly. "Raul I don't care if you are titleless and living a normal life in a hut on a beach somewhere. I've never cared that you're a prince."

"Oh. I guess I just thought-"

"No. Raul, I’m not here for your title or money or status. You know this. Come on, let's get up and go do something together. Just us." You push up and hold yourself over him, your hands beside his head. "If you're serious about taking the next step, let's go out."

Raul reaches up and runs a hand over your hair. "Do you think Adalia is still here?"

"Maybe, but who cares? She's in the past. Don't let her control your life. I thought you were past her."

"I try to be. But when I see her it's like getting a scar cut open and everything just falls apart."

You lean into his hand. "We'll heal it better this time. Stitch it together with something stronger. We'll fix you."

Raul chuckles. "Fix me? So you admit I'm broken?"

"A little, but we all are." You sit up and he sits up with you. "Enough, let's get out of here."

"Get out?"

"Yeah, get out. Go away, go and be somewhere else for a while. There's a whole world out there and we've been confined to this castle for how long?"

Raul smiles softly. "You want to see the world?"

"Only if it's by your side."

"Alright, I'll show you the world."

____________________

The world will have to wait unfortunately. You and Raul go to the ballroom and see the remains of last night's party. It's a mess. It's so strange, standing in the empty room amid the remains of a party you barely remember now because you were so consumed with your thoughts the whole night. You wonder just how much Raul remembers.

"Last night was bad." Raul says, rubbing his temples. "I had too much."

"You did. I can't say I blame you though. Why did you drink so much?"

“Anxiety. Stress. You name it.”

“Mmm. I’m sorry for not sitting with you.”

“No, I understand. It would have been a mess.”

“Definitely. The night was already a mess.”

He chuckles. "Y'know, I can't believe Nenyah's brother would bring Adalia here. What kind of fucked up power move is that?"

"Honestly I wondered the same."

"And why did she seem surprised I moved on? It's like she thought I was single."

"And she was coming crawling back." You raise your eyebrows. "Either she's completely dense and hasn't seen a news headline in months or she bought into the fact we disappeared from the tabloids, or someone was telling her lies."

Raul unbuttons his shirt a bit and rolls up his sleeves as he crosses the room and holds his hand out for you to take. "Let's talk while we dance."

"There's no music? Why do you want to dance?"

"Because I always cheat you out of them it seems." He takes your hands and sways with you. "I promise, one day I'll give you a real dance."

"It's alright. I'm not a good dancer anyway."

Raul scoffs and pulls you in close. "Can I ask you something?"

"Always."

"Didn't you tell Leah we weren't together? The day you saw her after we suspected her of selling those photos. You said you told her we weren’t together, that I was being difficult."

"Yeah?" You lean back and look up at him. "I told her ages ago to see if it made the tabloids but..." Realization hits you. Maybe Leah wasn't working for the tabloid, maybe she was working for Adalia. "She wouldn't do that."

"Do what?"

"I was thinking, what if Leah was telling Adalia about us. What if she told her you were single and that's why she came crawling back."

"It's a stretch. Why would Adalia get Leah to do her dirty work? If the photos were Leah's in the tabloid then Adalia would think we were together. It doesn't make sense."

"A lot of things don't make sense right now."

"Yeah." Raul murmurs, holding your back. "We'll figure it out though. We always do."

_____________________

"I am sorry for what happened at the ball. I wanted to tell you before we go home in a few days."

You look up from the book you're studying in the library and see Nenyah at the end of the large oak table. Her hands are fanned out on the wood nails a bright blue today to match her pants. "What happened?"

"My brother and Adalia."

"Oh, right. Yeah, that was pretty weird." You close your book and push it aside to pick up later. You're studying it to learn how to help Peter lay new flagstones in the old castle courtyard. "Did he seriously not know about Adalia and Raul?"

Nenyah sighs, dropping her head and shaking it. "I do not know. I sense he is lying but I cannot be sure. He has always been difficult to read."

"Why would he bring her on purpose?"

"Again, I do not know. They once had a brief relationship before Raul. I did not like her then. She was and remains to be a poison."

You chuckle, remembering the way Nenyah shut Adalia up at the ball. "And you definitely don't like her now."

Nenyah smirks just slightly and stands up straight. "I made that clear, yes?"

"Crystal clear."

"I would not think my brother to be so dense. He could not have missed Adalia and Raul's relationship. I think he wanted to be spiteful."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes. He is resentful of me, like my father. They do not like that I have chosen Shawn."

You roll your eyes. "How can they be so petty? What's wrong with Shawn? As far as I've seen you guys have an incredible relationship."

"We have a very strong bond, yes. My father and my brother by extension do not understand. They only want me to marry an Elfin man. Elfin men are not kind. I do not like them. I will not marry for my culture. I will marry for my love."

"And you should Nenyah." You stand and walk down to her. "You should always choose what's best for you."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Nenyah lays a hand on your arm. "I will miss you when we go home. I did not expect to find a friend here."

"Maybe Raul and I can come visit."

"Yes. I will show you the Eastern kingdom. You will enjoy the buildings."

"Perfect. I'll look you up."

Nenyah smiles, genuinely smiles as she squeezes your arm gently. "I'll be waiting."

_____________________

Riding an ATV to the old castle is world's better than riding a horse. On one hand you did like getting the experience of holding Raul while you ride, but on the other you really like the speed and stability of the ATV going across the rough terrain. You just can't believe all this time you've walked or ridden a horse. Ridiculous.

"Oh hey!" Raul calls, waving you down from the finished gatehouse scaffolding. He's half way up, probably securing some brackets from the wind yesterday. "I've been hoping you'd show up soon."

You park the ATV and pocket the keys as you approach the structure. It's gorgeous, even sitting there like a skeleton with only it's wood frame finished, awaiting its stone masonry to be added.

"Where's your ladder?" You chuckle, blocking the sun as you look up to Peter.

"It's in the castle. I saw a section starting to lean and I didn't want to waste time getting the ladder out. So I climbed."

"Peter! You're not a cat." You chuckle and head for the castle where he has been storing tools since starting the renovation.

Once Peter is down he grabs an extra jacket laying nearby on a pile of cement bags. "It's cold up there."

"The snow is coming. Do you think we can get the stones laid before it does?"

"Yeah. Unfortunately the snow will put a damper on outdoor projects for a while." Peter looks to the open iron doors at the back of the castle. "We might have to switch our focus to the library for a while. It's the only place we might be able to keep warm enough in the cooler temps."

You nod. "I think we should definitely get it cleaned out before the snow comes. All the books left behind will cause a lot of problems if they're in the way."

"Yeah most of them are a lost cause, but I'm still hopeful the blueprints are somewhere in there. I want to keep the castle as original as possible."

You go to your ATV and pull off a storage box you have attached. "I know you do. And knowing that, I did find a few photos in the archive at the new castle. I brought them with me to show you."

"Oh fuck yes. Where did you find them? I've gone through everything."

"Of all things, it was a book about cooking. There's photos from the kitchens in the old castle just after it was abandoned."

"The kitchens?!" Peter hurries over and he's practically vibrating, he's so excited. "They've been collapsed for so long, I've never been inside. I can't even imagine what it looks like."

You hand over the book with it's marked pages. "Have a ball."

Peter grins. "This is perfect. I already drew up blueprints for the kitchens but I'm going to rework them with this information."

"That's great."

"I surprised Beau with the kitchen blueprints after the ball. He helped me imagine what it would be like, putting in everything he's ever wanted in a kitchen." Peter flips open the book and skims the pages, eyes down as he loses himself in the photos. "Beau loves to cook, he's so good at it too."

You smile at him but he doesn't see. "You're really in love with him aren't you?"

"Completely."

"Did you ever wonder? Like if he wasn't the one?"

Peter looks up. "You're worried about Raul."

"What? No, I'm talking about Beau?"

"You're reflecting off Beau and I. What is your hesitation with my brother?"

"Getting hurt. Well, him getting hurt, not me."

"You're afraid it won't work out?"

You shrug. "I'm not sure. I like him and I definitely want to be closer to him. I care about him more than I've ever cared about anyone else. I just can't hurt him."

Peter closes the book and tucks it under his arm. "Talk to him. Seriously, just chat about how you feel."

"I know, I want to but ever since the ball things have felt off. He kissed me."

"About time."

"But he was drunk. I told him I can't let him do that, that it wasn't how our first kiss was meant to be. He didn't bring it up so I don't know if he remembers but I do."

Peter sighs. "You're conflicted. Maybe bring it up? Ask him what he remembers?"

"I know I should. I'm worried though, what if he wants to wait longer? What if it makes him feel guilty because I didn't want it?"

"It'll be hard, but talk to him. It's the hardest thing but also the simplest when it comes to strengthening your relationship."

"Alright, alright. Why are you always right?"

"Experience."

_____________________

It's late evening the day after you spoke to Peter at the old castle. The air is cold, frost forming on the windows of Raul's bedroom. You're sitting on his loveseat, facing the fireplace as he gets it started. You haven't been able to sleep and neither has he. Everything has felt strained.

"Dad is sending me to the Western kingdom."

"What?"

Raul turns to face you. "He wants me to finalize a trade deal. It's going to take some time though. I don't know why it has to be me, he said something about getting experience."

"How long?"

"Couple weeks? I don't know."

You swallow thickly and take a deep breath. "But we haven't even had our first date. We just decided to try and take the next step. We gotta find out what's going on with Adalia and Leah."

Raul sinks down on the cushion beside you. "I know. I'm not leaving until next week." He grabs your hand and threads your fingers together. "We can still go on a date."

You nod.

"I won't be gone forever. It's just a few weeks, maybe less. I know the timing is horrible."

"Can I go?"

Raul shakes his head. "I don't know. What reason would I have to bring you?"

"I don't know. It just feels like everything is falling apart."

Raul lifts your hand and kisses your knuckles. "Do you want to wait for our date until I get back?"

"No. I'm tired of waiting!"

"Whoa hey, what's the urgency for?" Raul lowers your hand and turns your face towards his with his fingers under your chin. "Is everything okay?"

"No." You take a deep breath. "Everything is not okay. I've been thinking about it since the night of the ball and you haven't even mentioned it and-"

"It?"

"The kiss! You kissed me and you were piss drunk and you said you want me to be your girlfriend! But you haven't said anything since then so I'm not sure how to feel because-"

Raul covers your mouth with his hand. "You want me to kiss you?"

You furrow your eyebrows at him.

He lowers his hand and leans in, breath ghosting over your lips. Your pulse triples and you hold your breath. "I need you to say yes or I won't do it," he whispers, eyes dropping to your lips.

"Yes."

"Good." He presses his lips to yours, hand cradling your neck, thumb rested on your pulse point.

You slide your hands into his hair and he presses hard into your lips. You open your mouth and he grins, teeth bumping yours before he licks inside. His free hand slides across your back and brings you closer.

One thing leads to another and you end up with Raul on top of you, legs tangled together, his mouth on your neck. The tension is palpable, one small move and things would be escalating quickly.

"Raul, mmmnn you have to stop." You groan as he bites and sucks at your shoulder. "You're gonna leave a mark."

"Sorry." He murmurs, resting his face in your neck. "I just can't get enough of you."

You tangle your fingers into his hair and he places a little kiss on your neck. "Why didn't you say anything about the night you kissed me?"

"I was ashamed. I pushed myself on you and didn't ask you if you wanted a kiss. I thought you didn't want it, or maybe you were afraid I was just like that when I was drunk. It wasn't right."

"No, Raul. I know you're not someone who pushes themselves on others. I would never think that, and I definitely didn't want you to make a mistake because you were drunk so I stopped you."

He pushes himself up and leans against the back of the couch so he can see you. "For the record, I still want you to be my girlfriend."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah." He leans in and kisses you quickly. "What do you say?"

"Yes, I'd love to."

_____________________

"Have you heard from Leah?"

You turn around and see Shawn standing near the entrance to the kitchen where you're making a mug of hot Cocoa. "No? Why?"

"Just curious." Shawn says, walking around the island and grabbing a mug off the suspended rack overhead. "Her father hasn't shown up to court meetings this week."

"Really? That's strange."

"Raul said you think she might be working with Adalia. Why?"

"It's nothing."

"Tell me." He says firmly and you startle.

"I thought maybe Leah told her Raul was single because she seemed surprised when she saw he wasn't. And I told Leah that Raul was single and we weren't a thing and he was being distant and stuff. I lied to see if it would go anywhere during the whole tabloid thing." You stir your cocoa and shrug. "I dunno if she really has anything to do with Adalia."

Shawn hums to himself. "Maybe Adalia didn't have a motive. I think Nahalleh brought her to piss off Nenyah and me by proxy. That or just to create problems."

"Her brother doesn't like you that much?"

Shawn chuckles to himself. "He's bitter that I'll be the king and he won't."

"Oh."

"He can be bitter. I'm not there to be his friend or even his brother. I've got plenty of those."

"You're not worried her family doesn't like you?"

He flicks his eyes up to meet yours and his gaze sends a chill down your spine. "There is nothing they can say or do to me that will sway Nenyah from being with me, or change the fact that I will take the throne at her side."

You lift your cocoa and take a sip. "You're really not afraid?"

"Of what? Assassins? Scandals? No. Her father and brother have made themselves a target should they try anything so irrational. The east knows how they hate me. The north knows too. If anything were to ever harm a hair on my head they would be tried and convicted, if Nenyah doesn't take her revenge first."

"Oh wow."

"You'll learn. Being royal comes with a lot of drama and enemies you never knew you had."

"I don't wanna learn."

Shawn smiles softly. "I forget you're not a princess, and not my brother's wife."

"Yeah. Just his girlfriend for now, and that's fine."

"Oh yeah? You two finally made the move?"

"Yes. Yesterday we talked and y'know, decided."

He chuckles and drops a tea bag into his mug before filling it. "Well I guess then you should know, my brother is a very passionate lover."

"Ah, no offense but that's a little weird coming from you."

Nenyah enters the room and grabs a mug from beside Shawn. Silently observing the conversation.

"I suppose that sounds bad doesn't it? I just mean he's told me about his preferences and things, just brother talk? I suppose I mean he will take care of your needs? That doesn't sound better either."

"I get what you mean. Thanks, I suppose. I didn't doubt Raul would let me down."

Shawn smirks playfully as he wraps his arm around Nenyah's shoulders and pulls her flush against his chest. "He got his best tips from me." He presses a kiss to Nenyah's temple. "You should chat with Nenyah sometime."

"Gross!"

"Whatever it is you are discussing, do not bring me into it." Nenyah says curtly, filling her mug with water.

"I was only-" Shawn starts and Nenyah lifts her hand, cupping his face in a fluid motion without turning to look at him.

"I know what you were doing. You forget I can see your energy. I know this one."

"Oh yeah?" Shawn's hand slides across her waist and she grins. It's almost terrifying.

Nenyah pats his cheek. "Behave my love. We are not alone."

You stand and collect your mug of cocoa. "No worries, I'm not going to stick around and watch. Goodnight, both of you."

"It will be," Shawn purrs and you walk a little faster.


	5. Chapter 5

Pushing open the door to Raul's bedroom and seeing his suitcase open on the bed and his clothes strewn about makes your heart sink. You're supposed to be going on a date in a few hours. Your first date ever. He isn't supposed to pack up and leave for the western kingdom for another four days.

"Raul?" You call out, looking around his room.

Raul appears from his attached bathroom and he looks upset.

"Why are you packing now? To get a head start?"

"I wish." He says, angrily throwing a travel bag of toiletries into a suitcase. "Dad thinks I have literally nothing going on in my life so he wants me to leave a few days early to really 'get a good sense of the kingdom'."

"No."

"Yeah."

"We're supposed to go to dinner in a few hours. Did you tell him you have plans?" You tremble, forcing yourself not to be too emotional.

Raul walks over and takes your hands. "My dad doesn't care. I could tell him I have plans until I'm blue in the face. He wants what he wants and he'll get it however he has to."

"This isn't fair."

"No, it isn't. My car will be here within the hour. I'm so sorry." His voice breaks on the final words, eyes searching yours for forgiveness. As if this were his fault. As if he wants to leave. He is blaming himself and you don't want him to do that. "I would never have chosen this. I-I was going to come tell you but I was so nervous you'd be angry."

You pull one hand away from his and lay it on his cheek. "I know you don't want this. As much as it hurts that were going to miss our first date, I know this is only temporary. In a few weeks time you'll be home again. We'll have our date then."

"You're sure? You're not mad at me?"

"No. Not at you." You raise up on your tiptoes and he kisses your forehead before you can kiss his nose. "Your dad though, I'm not thrilled with him."

"Don't do anything irrational while I'm gone."

"I would never."

Raul cups your face and narrows his eyes. "And don't have Peter do anything either."

"I didn't..."

"You and him are very alike, I know how you think."

Your jaw goes slack and he grins smugly. "That is not-!"

"Yes it is." He leans in and kisses you softly, silencing you effortlessly. His kisses are always so full of love and tenderness, you wonder how you got so lucky to receive them. "Promise me, you won't try to get back at my dad for this."

"I promise." You murmur and he drops his hands to yours and threads your fingers together. "I'm going to miss you."

"It'll be good for us." He says brokenly, trying to convince himself too. "We'll be stronger after it."

"Right, yeah."

He gathers you into a hug and holds your head to his shoulder. "No more sad talk. I need to pack or else I'm going to forget something important like underwear."

You giggle into his shoulder. "You don't want to go commando in the west?"

"No. Too much sand."

"Oh, yeah. Definitely don't forget the underwear."

"I won't."

_____________________

The hour following the news from Raul is both the longest, and shortest hour of your life. You never knew you could miss someone so dearly. You didn't expect to cry, you thought you were stronger than that, but here you are standing on the steps to the castle as Raul loads his last suitcase into the back of a black town car with tears threatening to spill over any moment. It feels so final, like this isn't just a business trip and you don't know why but it scares you.

"That's everything." Raul says to the driver nearby who nods and goes to get in the driverseat. He turns and walks up the steps to meet you at the landing.

"I don't know why I'm so emotional." You murmur, wiping the tears that spill over. "I survived this long without you around and I've never been one to get emotional at goodbyes. I feel so strange."

He places his fingers under your chin and tilts your head up. "It's alright. Yes, you survived alone this long but maybe that's changed and you don't want to go another minute without me now that I'm here? I understand, I feel the same way."

"That's crazy though isn't it?" You laugh deprecatingly. "We've only just begun dating, well, in theory, we haven't had a date yet."

"Yes, we made dating official, but how many dates have we been on as friends? How many nights have we stayed up telling each other stories from our childhoods and talking about our dreams and making each other laugh?"

"I know, you're right. I guess I've just gotten so comfortable that I don't want to change anything."

"It's just temporary. I'll be home before you know it."

You wrap your arms around him and he holds your face to his chest. "I'm sorry again, that I'm so emotional about this."

"Don't be. It's not easy opening yourself up just to be closed off again. Trust me, I know."

You sigh softly. You don't want him to feel like this is his fault that you are going to miss him. He has enough to deal with. "Promise you'll come home soon?"

"I swear. It's just business. Future king's gotta do business y'know."

"Business is stupid."

Raul chuckles and you smile into his shoulder. "Usually, and I'd avoid it if I could, but I don't have a choice this time."

"I know. Try to escape early."

Raul lets out another small laugh, and your heart swells, knowing you're lightening the mood a bit. "I will do everything I can."

You step back and he kisses you softly, hand cradling your face.

"I'll be home soon. I'll call you."

"I'll be waiting."

_____________________

Never in a hundred years did you think you would be voluntarily brushing a horse in a stable while you watch snow fall through open barn doors. Before meeting Raul, and in turn getting to know Beau, you would have never approached a horse or interacted with one after you were bucked off of one as a kid.

Your boots crunch against the hay as you reposition yourself to reach the horse's backside. A gust of wind rattles the barn doors and you snap your head up to see Beau jogging into the stable. The weather has been so strange since Raul left. Four days in and it's snowing. Sure, it's the northern kingdom and early snow isn't unheard of, but it seems too soon, even Peter mentioned it was too early.

"That wind is horrible." Beau groans, shuffling into your stall. He's bundled up to his neck in winter gear. "What're you doing out here?"

"Brushing Rosie." You smooth your hand over the horse's hindquarters. "I needed to get out of the castle for a while."

"Have you heard from Raul?"

"He called yesterday. We didn't get to talk long. He says it's hot there, I laughed and told him it's snowing. He was bitter he isn't here for the first snow."

Beau chuckles. "It never gets easier y'know."

"What's that?"

"Being separated from the one you love. People say it gets easier with time but it doesn't." Beau grabs a brush and joins your brushing. "I know you and Raul haven't been together very long, but it's obviously that you're perfect for each other. It's like looking at an old married couple that have been together for fifty years or more." He laughs to himself. "Maybe I'm just a romantic."

"No, you're not wrong. I've felt connected with Raul since we first met. I didn't know it was so obvious."

"Maybe you're soulmates?"

"That's a bit cheesy isn't it? Besides, Raul and I haven't even had our first date. I'm not gonna jump the line and throw around the word soulmate."

Beau stops brushing and leans his head on his arm against Rosie's side. He's smiling like he knows something you don't. "But you do love him?"

"Of course I love him. I mean, I haven't said that to him obviously. But yeah I'd love and care for him a lot even if we weren't together"

"Are you in love?"

"I-I don't know." You swallow thickly, suddenly uncomfortable.

Beau grabs your brush and you step back against the stall awkwardly. "Let's get out of here. You came out here to destress and I just made you more stressed. I was being nosy and I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I just wasn't really sure what to say."

"I understand. It's a lot to decide and I put you on the spot."

"Yeah...it's okay."

Beau puts his hand out for you. "Let me make you tea, we'll watch the snow fall from the supply shed. I know you wanted to see it with Raul but...yeah y'know."

"Yeah, thank you." You smile softly, putting your hand in Beau's so he can help you out of the stall. He means well, but like Peter, he gets excited and gets a bit personal. He's trying at least.

_____________________

"I bet Peter was pretty annoyed with the snow huh?" Beau asks as he takes a seat beside you. The two of you are in the stable supply shed, which in reality is like a small cottage, complete with a kitchenette and a toilet in a closet. It's sort of a storage space for the stable hands and a rest area to get a drink and a snack to provide a reprieve from the elements while working.

You sip your tea, a very delicious berry infused blend that Beau said he got from his Mom. "He was not happy about it," you chuckle. "We met up in the indoor garden and he was so annoyed. We were supposed to finish plastering the inside of the gatehouse today."

"Is it going to be okay? The cold won't make it fall apart again will it?"

"No, no. It's fine. Just inconvenient. We'll have to shift our focus to the inner workings of the castle for a while."

"That's good, at least you guys can still work on something."

"Mmhmm. Did you hear that Shawn and Nenyah are leaving tomorrow?" You reach over and grab a blanket off of a stack nearby. You're sure they are for the horses but it's fine. "I'm going to miss them."

Beau looks to the wood stove in the corner and then to the wood stack that's low beside it. He doesn't move to go get more wood but it's obvious he's contemplating it. "I'll miss them too. Nenyah and I have had some really good conversations about the wildlife here versus the east. She's really smart, and I love getting to chat with her."

"Yeah, she is so nice to talk to."

"And I don't know what we're going to do without Shawn here."

"What do you mean?"

Beau sighs into a little laugh. "He's the peacekeeper between Peter and the king. I kind of want to ask Peter to come live with me instead of here at the castle at least until Raul is back."

"Oh, right because they argue so much."

"Yeah. I don't like when Peter gets heated because of the king. I think it really bothers him that they don't get along. Not that he'd admit it, but I can tell it hurts him."

You nod and sip your tea quietly. You feel bad for Peter, even though you can't relate entirely. Your relationship with your dad has always been pretty good. You're fortunate you suppose.

A few minutes pass as you watch the snow collect on the short grass, the ground finally becoming cold enough for it to stick. There is something so special about the first snow, something magical.

"Can I ask you something?" You say softly, holding your mug between your hands tightly.

"Sure."

"I know it's not the same situation, but when Peter left the castle before, when he renounced his title, were you upset?"

"I was crushed." Beau sighs. "We weren't really together, we had just fooled around a lot. We didn't discuss dating because of the king y'know? But I know Peter had feelings and so did I."

"Did he tell you when he was leaving?"

"Yeah. He came to me the night before and told me what he was going to do. He said he was sorry and that he didn't know if he'd be back. I was just heartbroken."

"Wow." You laugh to yourself. "I must seem like a big baby, missing Raul when he's just going to be gone for a few weeks."

"No. Your feelings are as valid as mine. You're just starting a relationship and you've been separated. You care about him, you worry something might happen right?"

"Yeah of course."

"It's fine. Everyone copes differently."

You nod. "I just felt really overwhelmingly emotional when he was leaving. I guess I haven't felt like that for someone before. I felt like I was overbearing but I tried not to be."

Beau leans over and lays his hand on your shoulder. "Did Raul seem bothered?"

"No. He said he understands, and he's going to miss me a lot too."

"Then don't worry about it. Raul isn't going to like you any less because he's gone for a few weeks. And he's called a lot right?"

"Yes."

"Then he misses you too."

You take a deep breath, feeling relieved to have it off your chest. You wrap your arm around Beau's back and give him a side hug. "Thanks for listening."

"Of course. I know how hard it is to feel alone or confused about things."

"There you are."

You and Beau turn to the back of the shed to see Peter standing there in his hoodie with some sports team on it you've never heard of. "Hey Peter."

"You stealing my man?" Peter says, walking in and circling the two of you with his finger. "Tea drinking and cozying up huh?"

"Nah, I'm not his type." You chuckle and Beau snorts softly.

Peter laughs and takes a seat behind Beau, tugging him back into his lap. "You guys are out here watching the snow without me. I'm crushed." Beau offers his mug and Peter takes it with a soft "Thank you, love."

You look away to the snow that's getting heavier. "We were just talking, venting."

Peter hums. "I figured. You seemed distracted earlier."

"Yeah, just thinking about stuff. Beau is a good listener though, he helped me out."

"He is good isn't he?" Peter says, rubbing a hand over Beau's chest and hugging him back against him, pressing a kiss to his temple.

"Hey," Beau says softly, patting Peter's arm.

"Mmm? Oh." Peter releases Beau from his hold and let's him sit up.

"It's okay, you can be affectionate." You chuckle, realizing that Beau was turning down Peter's hugging because of you. "I'm not jealous."

"I don't want to make you feel left out." Beau says softly.

Peter grins and opens his arms. "You want a cuddle too?"

"No, I'm good." You laugh and he scoots closer. "Peter, no, don't!"

Peter loops his arm around your neck and pulls you over onto his lap in a weird awkward grappling hug. "Snuggling is good for you!"

"Peter!"

Beau chuckles and crawls on the other side of you, wrapping his arms around your waist.

"Not you too!" You laugh and go limp in their holds. "I guess I have no choice but to surrender to the snuggling."

"That's right." Peter says rubbing your hair. "You can't resist."

You push his hands off your head and he rests one on your shoulder. "You guys are the best."

"We try." Beau says, releasing you and standing to go make more tea. "Hope you feel better."

"I do, thanks."

Peter pats your back for you to sit up. "We've done our job then."

_________________

The sound of purring and a weight on your chest wakes you from a dream that you don't remember the moment the sun hits your eyes. It's Baby, Peter's cat. He's spread out across your chest, head tucked into your neck. You lift your hand and lay it on his back, earning a louder purr.

"What're you doing in here?" You ask with a yawn.

Baby is notoriously illusive. Peter says he thinks he can teleport. You think he's just smart and knows how to use the vents and french door handles because he is definitely tall enough when stretched out.

You look to the clock on your bedside table. Nearly eight in the morning. You're due to be up anyway to see Shawn and Nenyah off. You sigh, hand going down Baby's back. You're going to miss Nenyah, she made things so much easier when you were unsure of where you were with Raul. Without her you're not sure where you'd be in regards to a relationship at all. A smile tugs at your lips and you laugh softly to yourself as you remincice about the last month and half with Nenyah.

Baby meows loudly and jumps off toward the door. You sit up and a knock comes from the other side.

"You up?" Shawn calls out gently.

"Yeah! Baby just woke me up. You can come in."

Shawn opens the door and steps in, closing it behind him. You can't help but wonder what is going on. "I'm glad I caught you while you're still in here. I wanted to talk to you alone."

"Oh. What's going on?"

"I overheard my dad talking about the princess in the West. I'm not sure if he was just chatting about her since Raul is there on trade business, or if he has plans to get Raul together with her." Shawn runs a hand over his hair and he looks troubled. "I know you and my brother are together now, and I know his being sent away puts a damper on things, but the moment he is back you need to let our father know you are serious."

You take a moment, processing Shawn's words. "So...you think he would go for her?"

"Raul? Go for the western princess? No. He would never betray you. If Nenyah is right, and in all honesty she always is, he loves you."

"O-oh. I guess we can tell the king when he gets back. I don't know if he already suspects we're dating, he knows I'm friends with Raul."

Shawn sighs. "My father is not always observant when he's got his mind set on other things. Like I said, you and Raul need to make your relationship known and concrete to our father. He will try to get Raul together with people, I know he is eager for an heir and he wants Raul to take the throne soon."

You take a deep breath. The king is eager for an heir? Oh boy does he have some news coming. "Yeah, I'll talk to Raul. We'll let him know."

"Talk to Raul today. I have a feeling there's more going on than a business trip. They don't usually take weeks."

"Oh."

"Yeah." Shawn goes to the door and opens it. "I didn't mean to worry you. I thought you should be the first to know that something deeper may be going on so you can get a head start on stopping it."

You nod and he steps out, the door clicking shut behind him. What if he's right? What if Raul is being set up with the western Princess? What if he likes her? You wrack your brain trying to remember her name, what she even looks like. It's coming up blank. Your stomach hurts, why did this have to happen now?

_____________________

Seeing off Nenyah and Shawn is numbing. You're already spinning from Shawn's advice this morning, you tried calling Raul but he didn't answer, everything is weighing on you all at once. You wish they could stay, just a while longer, you don't want to say anymore goodbyes right now.

Nenyah is everything. She provides such a unique insight on things and she is easy to talk to even if she does speak back in riddles sometimes. She's become a friend and you're already missing her as she says goodbye to Beau and Peter nearby.

Then there is Shawn. You haven't had a chance to get too close with him, but he feels like a brother nonetheless and you know he has done far more for you and Raul behind the scenes than you can even imagine. It'll be strange without them around.

"Hey, you okay?" Shawn asks, stepping away from Nenyah's conversation with Beau and Peter.

"Hmm? Yeah."

"You look a little out of it."

You shrug and focus on him. "My head is all over the place."

"I can imagine." Shawn lays his hand on your shoulder. "It'll be alright, everything will work out."

You chuckle softly. "Thanks."

"Did you ever hear from Leah?"

You shake your head. "No. I've reached out but I haven't heard anything. I'm as curious as you are."

"Let me know what you find out. Really if you need anything, call me or Nenyah."

You nod as Nenyah approaches and lays her hand on Shawn's shoulder, causing him to drop his hand from you.

"This is goodbye then?" Nenyah says. "I do not like goodbyes. I will see you again."

"I'll see you too." You smile and she gives you the smallest smile in return. "I'll be Raul's guest for your wedding."

"Yes. We will show you the east."

"I can't wait."

Nenyah steps forward and puts her arm around you in a careful hug. "Are you okay? Your energy, it is blue. You are sad?"

"I'll be okay. Things are just a little rough right now, uncertain."

"It will be better." Nenyah steps back, her hand resting on your cheek. "I am here for you. Do not worry."

"Thank you Nenyah."

"I will miss you." She leans in and kisses your forehead. You freeze, not expecting this sort of affection from her. "Parva anai."

"What?"

"It means little sister in Elfin." She says with a big smile and Shawn wraps his arm around her. "Until we meet again?"

You nod. "Until then."

_____________________

"I need you."

Those words make your heart ache. It's the first thing you hear when you answer the video call from Raul later that evening. You stare at the small screen before you, eyes trained on his tired face.

"What's wrong?" You ask and he sighs heavily.

"I'm missing you." He laughs weakly. "I'm not having a great time here. I can't sleep, can't focus, I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin."

"It's only been almost a week. You're in far worse shape than I am," you chuckle and he groans.

Raul rolls onto his back so you're viewing his profile. "I think I'm touch starved. I didn't realize how much I love physical affection until now."

You smile, knowing he is definitely the one who loves touch. "Maybe you should hurry home."

"I'm trying, but maybe you should hurry up and wait." He chuckles. This is an ongoing joke every time he calls, you tell him to hurry up and he tells you to hurry up and wait.

"How's the royal family there?" You ask, not sure how to bring up what Shawn mentioned in the morning.

"They're nice."

"And the princess?"

"Which one?"

"Oh."

Raul rolls back to the camera and he looks concerned. "Are you worried?"

"About what?"

"Me. I promise I'm not interested in the princesses. Mica is a child and Tara is not my type." He touches the screen and you close your eyes. "You know I'd never hurt you."

"I know. I was just wondering. Shawn said the king mentioned the princess, I assume Tara obviously. He said he may try to get you together."

Raul chuckles softly. "Oh that definitely sounds like my dad, and actually that makes sense. Tara has been trying to flirt with me since I arrived. I wonder if she's truly interested or acting under instructions from her father."

"Don't do anything."

"I would never." He drops his voice real soft and quiet. "You're the only one I want."

You chew your lip nervously and look away from the camera.

"Hey, look at me."

You shake your head.

"Please darling?"

That sends your pulse through the roof and you look to the camera. "W-what?"

"I only want you. Do you understand?"

You nod.

"I'm going to come home to you, and kiss you, and touch you. No matter what my dad wants, I will never be with Tara. Don't worry, and don't compare yourself to her. She may be a princess but that means absolutely nothing to me."

"Okay."

"Okay? You're sure?"

"Mmm."

Raul lifts the camera and holds it so it's over him. "I want you to always tell me when you're worried about something in our relationship. Can you do that?"

"Yes. I promise, no secrets."

"Good. Now, it's time for me to get some sleep. I'm hoping tomorrow I can sign on the trade deal and get out of here."

"That's the dream isn't it?"

"Yeah. Everything is drawn up, we're at the green light, the signatures will be the go ahead. If the king here delays tomorrow, I'll know there is more going on than the trade deal. I may have to talk to my dad." Raul sighs tiredly. "Shawn and Nenyah left today right?"

"Yes."

"Keep an eye on Peter for me. I know Shawn's been a mediator for the last several weeks. I don't need dad getting pissed about something Peter does and taking it out on everyone else."

You let out a little laugh. "Beau wants him to move into his place for now. He's worried about the same thing."

"Wouldn't be a bad idea."

"Yeah."

Raul yawns. "Okay, I really need to sleep now."

"Me too."

"Goodnight darling." He smiles playfully, cheeks tinting pink just a bit. He's so cute.

You can't help but smile back. "Goodnight Raul."

_____________________

Two days pass and you don't hear from Raul. You try to call but he never answers his phone, though you're not sure how good of a signal he gets in the west. You try not to worry, burying yourself in restoration with Peter instead. It doesn't work though. You need to know what is going on. Obviously Raul isn't coming home yet, so the trade deal is not finalized.

"Have you heard from Raul?" You ask Peter as you help him move shelving in the library of the old castle.

"No. Why?"

"He hasn't called or video chatted for a couple days."

Peter raises his eyebrows. "Does he usually call more frequently?"

"Yeah, like every day. And he said on our last call things were just about finished."

"Hmm. Did Shawn talk to you?"

You pause, setting down the books you're clearing from a shelf to be moved. "He did. Why?"

Peter sighs. "I'm worried my dad is up to something."

"That's what Shawn said, and Raul confirmed that Princess Tara has been flirty. I'm worried Raul won't be able to come home or something. I just have a bad feeling about everything." You sigh and lean against the wall. "I'm probably overthinking it."

"Go get him then."

"What?"

"Go get Raul." Peter wipes his hands on his jeans and folds his arms across his chest. "You're an adult, you can leave the castle anytime. Get a car and go get him."

"I can't...just drive to the Western kingdom."

"Why not?"

"He's doing work? The royal family in the west aren't just going to open their gates for some court member's daughter?"

"Take Beau with you. He knows his way around, you can call Raul when you get there. If you love him and you're this concerned, go be with him." Peter runs a hand through his hair and smirks. "You gotta do something wild sometime."

"Seems absolutely crazy." You roll your eyes and grab the end of the shelf. "Let's just keep cleaning up in here."

"Alright, fair enough. It's your move though."

"Yeah, but I'm not going to go that far. Not unless I don't hear from him for another day, then I'll think about worrying for real."

"Mmmhmm. I'll look into car rentals."

"Peter!"

He laughs and grabs his side of the bookcase. "I'm joking."

"Uh huh. Sure."

_____________________

Walking into the library and finding Leah sitting at an empty table is shocking. You haven't heard from her since the autumnal ball. According to Shawn, her father has also been missing from court meetings. It's all very strange.

"I'm glad you're here." You say as you approach the table and take a seat across from her. "Where have you been?"

"I've been sorting some stuff out."

"Uh huh."

"Listen, I fucked up." Leah says, rubbing her head. "I didn't want to do anything and I caused so many problems."

You raise your eyebrows. "What did you do?"

"The photos from the Queen's memorial? I know you think they were me, and you're right. I took them but I didn't mean to hurt anyone. I was just trying to take photos for you and Raul to have." Leah looks at you and she looks genuinely scared. "But then Adalaia reached out to me and....and I couldn't say no."

"Whoa what? She reached out?"

"Yeah, she knew I did photos and stuff because I did some for her and Raul's wedding. Casual stuff not like the big time wedding photos. Anyway, she reached out and I said no. I wasn't sending her anything. But she blackmailed me."

"Holy shit, what?"

"Adalia told me that she knew my father was the reason a deal went bad in the southern kingdom, and that he lied to the king to cover his ass. I guess it was a huge thing and he ruined it I don't know. Anyway she said if I didn't give her photos from the ceremony then she would tell the king. My dad could lose his job or worse be imprisoned. I had no choice."

You close your eyes and drop your head to the table. "Did Adalaia sell the pictures to the tabloids?"

"Yes. I think she wanted to expose you and Raul, hoping you would split because of the stress."

"And you told her that worked right? Because I told you Raul and I were not together and he was being difficult to be around."

"Yes, so she showed up here. I didn't mean to cause problems, I didn't have a choice. My dad would lose everything and so would I."

"Why didn't you come to me? We could have talked to Raul, worked something out. Did Adalia tell you why she wanted Raul back?"

Leah shakes her head. "No. She just wanted information. I didn't mean to hurt you guys."

"It didn't. We're just fine. Why did you lie before?"

"I didn't want anyone to know. I was scared, but now dad is looking for a different job so it doesn't matter. He's getting out of here, we're going to the Western kingdom."

"Running away seems suspicious."

"Maybe but Adalia could still come back, she could use that information to torment me into hurting you and Raul. If Dad leaves the kingdom he can't be tried here if the news breaks."

You sigh. "I'm sorry this is happening to you."

"It's fine. It's not your fault. Adalia targeted me because I'm your friend and she knows I have access to the royal family, you never could have known this would happen." Leah shakes her head. "I wish things were different. I don't want to leave."

"It's not fair. Adalia shouldn't be allowed to ruin your lives for her petty needs. She needs to be stopped. Obviously she's lost her mind if she's going so far as to blackmail you to get to Raul."

"How can we do that? I don't see any other options here. She's a princess, and clearly pretty powerful. I'm not going to take her on."

You nod and smile to yourself. "I will. As soon as Raul gets back, I'll talk to him. We know something about Adalia that we can use against her. I just don't know how to use it."

"You have dirt on her?"

"Yeah. Don't worry. Tell your dad to hold off on a move."

Leah leans back in her chair and folds her arms over her chest. "When did you become a bad ass?"

"When Adalia started trying to hurt the people I care about."

____________________

You wake up in a haze, body fighting your brain to become conscious. It's a strange limbo, where you feel like you're floating and everything feels strange. Something has disrupted your sleep pattern, woken you into this daze. You shift against the comforter and there is a weight on your back, a hand on your side. Your heart leaps into your throat and before you can react, you hear his voice, soft and soothing.

"Don't freak out." Raul says in a whisper. "It's just me."

Your brain takes a moment, processing his words, his voice. "How? What's going on?"

"I'll explain later. I'm here, I'm home." His arm curls around your waist and he pulls you back against him. His body is made of solid warmth. Cuddling like this has been a dream of yours forever it seems. You've only gotten to do it once and Raul was hesitant, reserved in his actions. This feels different.

You close your eyes, melting into him. He feels good, so comfortable, so safe. His breath comes hot across your neck, your hair lifted aside. A kiss, soft and tender lands on your skin. His hand slides up your stomach, flattened out against your skin as he holds you back against his chest in a hug.

"Raul."

"Shh." He murmurs, placing another kiss on your neck. His feet tangle with yours, body relentlessly radiating heat against you. "I just want to be close, is this okay?"

"Mmmhmm." You let out a sleepy groan. You wish you could wake up completely, that your consciousness would kick in. It must be a dream, you decide. This is not real, he isn't home. It's too hard to wake up, too hard to move. That doesn't mean you can't enjoy this version of him.

Raul peppers soft kisses along your shoulder. His hand leaves your chest and tangles with your fingers. He's wearing a ring, the metal is cool against your sleep warmed skin. He never wore a ring before. You want to ask why. Whos ring is it?

Sleep claims you quickly, your eyes no longer able to open. You're enveloped in warmth and the floating feeling returns. This is fine, it's enough for now.

Before you know it, you're awake. Eyes opening to the bright sun shining through the window. Immediately you reach back, arm flying to the mattress behind you. Empty. You'd be a liar if you said your heart didn't sink. It would have been nice to wake up beside Raul.

Minutes tick by. You try to remember how he felt, how his hands felt on your skin. How his breath felt on your neck. His lips. Your heart clenches, aches for his touch, even just in a dream once more. It is then you decide, you are going to go find him in the west.

____________________

You waste no time, packing everything you can think of to take with you on a road trip westward. Clothes, toothbrush, shoes, money, nothing is left out of your little suitcase. You have no idea how long you'll be there, no idea if you'll find him on the first day. You have to try.

On your way to find Peter and Beau you come across Raul's bedroom. The door is ajar and you freeze, hope swelling in your chest. You hurry forward, hand on the solid wood door, shoving it open.

"Ra-"

A very surprised cleaning lady turns around and stumbles against the bed. "My lady! You scared me, can I help you?"

Your heart plummets. "No, I'm sorry. I just thought...it's nothing. Sorry."

"No worries."

You step back and as you close the door you see a hoodie on Raul's chair against his mirrored vanity. You pause, straining to remember if that was there before. Maybe you're just desperate, trying to make excuses, trying to convince yourself he's home.

"Ma'am?" You say softly and the staff member turns around and nods. "Has this room been cleaned recently?"

"Yes ma'am. Twice a week."

"Do you do laundry?"

"Yes ma'am." She points to a basket where she has a pile of bedding. "Did you need something?"

The excitement returns, bubbling up in your chest. "And that sweatshirt?" You point to the chair.

She looks over with a confused tilt of her head. "Yes?"

"Will it be washed today?"

"Yes ma'am." She grabs the hoodie and lays it on the laundry basket. It's oddly familiar, like you've seen it recently.

"Do you gather all the laundry every time?"

"Yes ma'am."

You nod. "Thanks, sorry." You close the door and you can't breathe. Raul is here. He's here somewhere or else someone has been in his room. That's it. The hoodie, it's the one Peter was wearing the other day, the sports team you had never heard of. Gods damn it Peter. You know he steals Raul's clothes sometimes when they're washed together...and there goes your hope again. "Fuck."

\--------------

Defeated, you head towards the kitchens, you're not going anywhere in particular, just heading that way while thinking. It's just not worth trying to find Peter or Beau right now. Yes, you want to leave and find out if Raul is in the west, yes, you want to know what that dream was about and yes, you absolutely are questioning your sanity after this morning. Not once have you dreamed so vividly, so why start now? What is truly getting to you is the ring that you felt. The cool metal against your hand, why? Why would you dream that? Stress about what is going on in the east? Anxiety about the future? You stop at the double doors to the greenhouse, they're ajar, probably left open by Peter. You push them open and step inside, the warm humid air hits you and it's a welcome change to the cold outside that seeps into the rest of the castle. 

You stroll along slowly, taking in the thriving greenery. The tulips Raul planted are getting tall, large green leaves cover the raised bed they're planted in. You take a seat and look up at the snow covered glass roof overhead. The sun barely shines through, casting a blue hued shadow over the plants. Soon the snow will melt off and slide down the sides. If you stay long enough you'll get to see it. 

Your mind wanders to Leah and Adalia. You had no idea what was going on, how Leah was and possibly still is, being blackmailed by Adalia. It hurts to think she was going through that alone, and you were thinking she was a bad friend and turning against you. You feel like the asshole, having jumped to conclusions. It wasn't fair, you should have asked her outright, but would she have told you? Would that have changed anything? 

Then there is Adalia. Why would she try coming back to Raul? Is she truly so desperate for love or is there something more? Is she ill? Raul made it clear he wanted nothing to do with her at the ambassador meeting. You wonder if her secret has come out to the wrong person, that someone knows who could ruin her life so she is making moves to try and become a royal. It would make sense. Trying to go after Nahalleh, going back after Raul. Clearly Raul is the better choice for solidifying her status, as he will be king and Nahalleh will not. You groan, and rub your temples. This is way too deep. Having had enough of this, you push off the edge of the garden bed and head for the doors. Breakfast will help clear your head.

_____________________

"I've found us a place here close to the castle." 

You look up at your dad over your toast. You've joined him for breakfast in the empty dining hall after trying to hunt down Peter and Beau for a while longer. "We're moving?" 

"Yes, soon." Dad says and sets his glass down. "A house opened up in the Castle District. It's been too long that we've been staying here."

"Oh." You shake your head and look down at your food. "I guess I got used to being here. It just became home."

Dad hums. "I understand, but it isn't our home."

"Not yours." You mumble.

"What's that honey?"

You take a deep breath and look away from your plate to your dad. He looks older than you remember, grayer in the temples. "I need to tell you something."

"What's wrong?" 

"Nothing is wrong. Um, Raul and I are dating. We have been getting closer over the last few months and we decided to take the next step right before the king sent him to the west. It's probably a surprise but-"

Dad chuckles. "A surprise? The two of you are always seen together. I suspected something a while ago but I assumed you would tell me when you were ready."

"You knew?" 

"I suspected after you attended the Queen's ceremony together and did the send off with each other."

"You're not upset I didn't tell you before?" 

"No of course not. I trust you to make your own decisions with your life. You're twenty three, nearly graduated from college and-" 

"I'm not."

"Hmm?" 

"I'm not graduating. I decided to enroll in more classes. I've changed my major from business studies to architecture." 

Dad raises his eyebrows. "That's quite a difference, have you applied for scholarships? Grants?"

You nod. "I haven't been accepted yet into the program. I applied for the assistance anyways, just in case but Peter said-" 

"Prince Peter?" 

"Yes. He said if I get in and my funding doesn't come through then he will pay for my classes."

"That's extremely generous. What has prompted the prince to do that?" 

You take a deep breath. "Peter is an architect and I would be his partner. We've become good friends and I'm helping him restore the old castle." 

"Ah. I see, I knew Peter was educated but I did not know what subject, since he departed the castle several years ago. But that aside, I'm proud of you for finding something you love. I was excited to have you graduate soon but I'm more excited for you to study something you care about." 

"I cared about business studies, just...not that much."

Dad laughs. "I understand. Well, if you'd like to join me, you will always have a room at the new house. Though I'm sure you'll have to check with the king or perhaps Raul to stay."

"I don't think Raul will have a problem with it but the king...I don't know."

"Is something wrong with the king?" 

"He doesn't know about Raul and I."

"Really? What makes you say that?" 

"He sent Raul to the West on business but we think it's more than that, like an arrangement with princess Tara. I don't know for sure because he hasn't answered my calls in four days now. I'm getting worried."

Dad looks confused. "Why would you call Prince Raul? He's home already."

Your heart drops all the way to your knees, you're pretty sure. "W-what?" 

"Prince Raul is here? I saw him this morning, just before breakfast, speaking with the king. Now, what is this about an arrangement?" 

You push away from the table and head for the doors. "I'll talk later Dad, I need to go." 

"Honey where-!"

The door closes behind you and you make a beeline for the royal wing. Your hands are shaking, heart thundering out of your chest.

You turn the corner to the hall that leads to the council room and stop dead. There, at the end of the hall outside the giant double doors to the council room, is Raul. 

"Good morning sleepy h-" 

You run and slam into him, arms around his middle and he takes a deep breath. 

"Hey, easy there." He wraps his arms around you and cups the back of your head. 

"You're here." You mumble into his chest.

"I am."

"Why didn't you stay in bed? Why didn't you wake me up?" 

Raul pets your hair back and you look up at him. "I did wake you up? We cuddled for a long time, but I had to get up and speak with my dad. Do you not remember?" 

"I do but I wasn't completely awake. I thought I was dreaming." You pull away and grab for his hands. Sure enough there is a thin silver band around his finger. "What's this?" 

He chuckles softly. "My plan. We need to talk."

"Yeah we do."

Raul grabs your hands, threading your fingers with his. "This feels so good. I had no idea a week away would wreck me like this. I never thought I'd be so in love with someone."

Your heart stops. "You're in love with me?" 

"I-I- did I- fuck." Raul flushes deep red all the way down his neck. "We have to talk."  
_____________________

Half an hour later and you're in the lounge with Raul, Peter and Beau. Funny how those two show up as soon as Raul wants to find them, but are ghosts when you go searching. Raul has you in his lap, arms around your chest. He hasn't stopped touching you since he met up with you in the hall. You're just fine with it, he can be as close as he wants until forever. 

"So what's this big plan of yours Raul?" Peter asks from the next couch over. He's got his hand in Beau's hair, playing with it lazily, stretching wavy curls out between his fingers.

"In summary? To get dad off my back. At length, my plan is to announce that I'm engaged to my girlfriend here." He kisses your head. "Because Dad doesn't seem to have any idea that life goes on around him and tried to set me up with Princess Tara."

"What? You're going to tell the king we're engaged?!" You sit up right and look back at him. He rests his hands on your legs. "We haven't even gone on a date. Raul this is too wild, what if we don't work out? That would look so bad to your dad. He'd think you're too rush-y and you need help like he already does obviously." 

Beau raises his eyebrows. "You really think the two of you won't work out?" 

"Well no but what if-" 

Raul presses a kiss to your shoulder. "There are a lot of what ifs and maybe this won't work out but I don't want to be pressured into a loveless arrangement. I would rather navigate a relationship with you and find out that maybe we are not going to be more than just friends then be traded off by my Dad. I swear this is all a facade, we don't have to actually be engaged. We can just date, go on as usual, explore this relationship and just have dad off my back until we know what we want." 

"But my Dad." You swallow hard. "He's going to ask questions. I've just told him we're dating."

"We will just tell my Dad and ask him that it remains quiet. He will understand privacy, I think."

You grab Raul's hands and play with the silver band on his finger. "It's just pretend right?" 

"Yeah. Just until we're ready for the real thing."

"If." 

Raul places another kiss on your shoulder. "Yes, if we're ready."

Peter sits up and chuckles. "Y'know, I'm offended you'd get engaged before me. You always have to steal my thunder don't you Raul?" 

"Fake engaged. Don't get your dick in a knot." Raul quips. 

"Ouch. That hurts."

You smile just a little at the ridiculous banter. "Maybe you should get going then? I'm sure Beau would love to have a surprise proposal. There is still time before we may actually get engaged." 

"What? No, no no. I'm fine." Beau looks pale. "It's no rush."

Peter turns to Beau and places his fingers under his chin. "I've given you plenty of rings, what's one more for your finger." 

"Peter!" 

"What..." You look back at Raul and he groans. "Don't ask?" 

"I'm not going to explain." Raul says, putting his arms around your middle and standing, making you stand with him. "Let's go, we've got a lot to talk about without these two around."

You look back and Peter is in Beau's lap, kissing him passionately. You look away and laugh softly to yourself. They're so in love it's gross but you can't help but feel a little jealous that they're so comfortably open. 

______________________

"So you love me?" You ask the second the door to Raul's bedroom closes. 

He lets out a soft chuckle. "Of course I love you. You're one of, if not my best friend." 

You narrow your eyes at him. He is avoiding the conversation. "What about in love with me?" 

He closes his eyes and presses his back to the door. He looks tense. "I didn't mean to say that like I did before. I was overcome with joy to be with you and close to you again. I don't want to push that sort of emotional attachment on you."

You pace in front of his bed, hands in the pockets of the dress you put on this morning. It's a favorite, and you know Raul likes it too. "What if I felt the same way?" 

Raul stays silent. 

"I know it's silly to fall in love so quickly, and you've had your share of blow back from doing so. It's absolutely terrifying to think about, and honestly I've been losing sleep over it since you left and-" 

Raul's hands engulf your face and you startle, eyes finding his. "I do."

"You do?" 

"I love you, I do." His voice cracks, his eyes getting watery. "I'm scared to death everytime I see you because I have this ache that pulls at my very core at the thought of not having you in my life. The thought of not being near you or having you around makes me feel like I might die and that's so overly dramatic but it's true. It's insane, it's ridiculous and frankly I never thought I'd fall so fast ever again but it hasn't been fast, has it? We've built this, what we have, since the day we met. And even though I'm terrified to admit it, I can't lie to you. I am in love with you and I'm willing to put my heart and soul on the line again."

You stare at him, eyes wide at his confession. He's crying, and you can feel your own tears well up in your eyes. Your chest ceases, causing you to take in a sharper than usual breath of air. His voice sounds so strained and hurt and scared, you have to find the words to calm him down, to ease his fear. "I'm in love with you too." 

Raul smiles, big and unrestrained. He lets out a breathy laugh as he leans in to kiss you. His hands fall to your shoulders and you wrap your arms around him. "I love you." He rolls his forehead against yours. "I wanna scream it from the top of the castle, I can't contain it." 

You raise your eyebrows. "Why don't you?" 

"Because I'd look like a mad man."

"Maybe you are a mad man." 

Raul's hand finds yours as he steps back. "Let's go then." 

_____________________

Raul has his moment, yelling from the top of the castle to burn off his pent up emotions. He does look like a mad man, and it makes you laugh until you’re crying. That joy doesn’t last long though, because the moment you’re back inside Raul is leading you down to the council room. It’s time to talk to his Dad and initiate this fake engagement plan. Raul grabs a box from his pocket once you’re stopped outside the council room doors and holds it up for you. It's square, blue velvet covered and obviously a ring box. "This is my mom's. I know if dad sees this, he won't question our engagement too much."

"Your mom's? That's so important Raul. I can't take that." 

"You can, and you have to for this to work with my dad." He opens the box and inside is a delicate silver ring with a rosette of gems in the center. "Trust me."

You take the ring and slide it on. It's a little tight but you won't have to wear it for very long. It's beautiful, sparkly in the light pouring through the hall windows. "This is terrifying."

"I know." Raul takes your hand in his and threads your fingers together. "Let's go." He pushes open the doors to the council room and you take a deep breath. 

Inside is the king, sitting at the council table alone with a pile of papers out in front of him. A meeting doesn't start for another hour or so. 

"Dad? Can we talk to you?" Raul starts, pulling you close as he approaches the table. 

The king looks up and raises his eyebrows. "Was there something else from your trip?" 

"Yeah, sort of. Actually I wanted to mention princess Tara."

"Go on." The king says, eyes flicking to you and then back to his son. 

"While I was there I couldn't help but get the impression that I was being set up. The princess was very flirtatious and the western king continuously hinted at how single his daughter is and what a great queen she would make. I felt like I was overstaying, that things were being dragged out." Raul steps behind you and brings his arm up across your chest. "If your intent was to set me up, I'd like to know."

The king sits back in his chair and stares at you. "It was part of my intent. I hoped you would hit it off with the princess. That does not seem to be the case though."

You feel sweat bead up on the back of your neck as nerves get the best of you. 

"Dad, I'm engaged." Raul says, hugging you close. "And you didn't even give me the chance to tell you before you sent me off for an arrangement." 

"Engaged? When did this happen?" 

"Right before I left." Raul takes your ringed hand and brings it up to kiss it. "We're keeping it private for now."

The king stands and you feel sick to your stomach. He's such an intimidating man, eyes hard set and presence commanding attention. "That's your mother's ring. Where did you get it?" 

"I took it. It was in mom's will that whichever of us gets married first would give it to their partner. I took it when Adalia and I were engaged but I never gave it to her, she had already picked her own out." 

"Mmm." The king looks unimpressed as his gaze turns to you, disdain written across his face. "You're engaged to my son?" 

Your eyes widen as you realize his speaking directly to you now. "Yes, your majesty."

"When did you meet?" 

"A few months ago."

"Mmm. How did you meet?"

"Dad, you don't need to grill her on our relationship. Is there a problem with her?" Raul quips and puts himself in front of you. "Is she not good enough because she is not a princess?" 

"No, it isn't that. I'm curious how long this relationship will last. A few months is not much time to get engaged. There are things I'm sure you must not know about each other. I don't want you to rush into this again Raul." 

"I'm not rushing, and that's real rich coming from you by the way. You and mom courted for six months?" 

"And we remained married for four years and had children. Should your mother be alive to this day we would still be together." 

Raul steps forward. "And maybe you'd be a less bitter man."

"Do not start this Raul." 

"There is nothing to start." He steps back to you and takes your hand. "We just came to tell you the news, and to stop trying to set me up. Good bye." The king remains silent as Raul leads you from the room. 

The moment you're in the hall with the doors closed you take a deep breath. "I never want to do that again."

"Do worry, we won't have to." 

"He isn't buying it is he?" 

Raul glances back at the doors. "He's going to." 

  
______________________

"Can I ask you a favor?" 

Raul looks over from where he is unpacking his suitcase from his trip. It's been two days since he's been home and the two of you have been sleeping a lot. It seems ridiculous that you wouldn't go out, be together, have your first date finally. Things have just been exhausting for both of you. 

"Yes?" 

"My dad found a house, but I don't want to move because then I'll have to go back and forth between here and there to see you. I know it's such a stupid inconvenience but-" 

"You can stay." Raul sets his clothes aside and sits down beside you. "If that's what you're getting at." 

You laugh softly. "Yeah that's what I was getting at." 

"I think it's a great idea actually. It'll help sell our engagement." 

"That sounds so bad. Selling our engagement. As if we don't care about each other and are only doing it for clout."

Raul slides his hand into your hair and presses a kiss to your forehead. "How would you like to phrase it?"

"I don't know. Just call it the plan?"

"Okay, I'll do that." He kisses your nose. 

You wrinkle your nose and he chuckles as he pulls away to go finish unpacking. "So, what is the first phase of our plan?" 

"Affection. I want to shove it down Dad's throat how in love we are." 

You raise your eyebrows. "Sounds gross?" 

"We aren't going to do anything risque!" Raul laughs and reaches across the bed to shove you over. "You've got a dirty mind."

"I do not!"

"Here I am just wanting to hold your hand and kiss your forehead and you're imagining fucking in front of the council." 

"Raul!" 

"Alright alright." He holds his hands up in surrender. "Step one is affection, step two is being seen publicly. I think Dad will take us more seriously if other people know we're together. They may not know we are engaged, but being public will help build our plan." 

"Sounds like we're just going to be a normal couple then?" 

"Precisely."

"What if your Dad tries to split us up?" 

"I can't imagine why he would do that. He may be bitter and an asshole at times but he isn't a monster." Raul sighs tiredly. "I know that Dad means well, in his own weird way. He wants me and my brother's to be happy, but I think he has an underlying fear of being left alone. I think he worries we will end up unhappy, and I think my divorce really drove that monologue in his head."

You lay back and stare at the ceiling. "Do you think he's jealous?" 

"Jealous?" 

"That you and you brothers are grown up and you're starting your lives, finding people you love, and he doesn't have anyone anymore."

"I didn't think about that. Seems petty, to not want that for your son's."

"It's not that he doesn't want you guys to be happy. It's that he's seeing the lives being lived that he didn't get to fullfil." 

"Well, maybe." Raul sighs. "I think my dad needs to see someone about my mom. I don't think he ever went to therapy after she passed."

"Probably. Speaking of that...did you ever see someone like you promised?" 

Raul nods. "Yes, that's what I do on Wednesdays in the morning. I promised you I'd do it, and I am. It's helping I think." 

You get up and walk around to wrap your arms around him. "It absolutely is helping. You've completely changed from when I first met you." 

"I have?" 

"Mmmhmm. You're more outgoing and not so closed off and shy." He puts his hands over yours on his chest. "You're confident and comfortable."

"I didn't realize I'd changed so much. I guess this is just me so it felt natural." He chuckles. "I'm sorry I wasn't the best before." 

"You were dealing with a lot. I knew you were better than the man you were appearing to be." You squeeze him tight. "I could see it in your eyes." 

He chuckles. "You've always been able to read me. It's one of my favorite things about you." 

"You've always been easy to read. I suppose it's because we're meant to be together, highly compatible and all." 

Raul turns in your hold and cups your face to kiss your nose. "Love you."

You bump your nose up against his. "Love you too." 

\--------------------


	6. Chapter 6

Your first date is as normal as you could hope it to be. You've arrived at the parade grounds park and it's covered in snow, sparkling in the evening light. There are people everywhere, vendors set up selling hot chocolate, snacks and whatever else they can peddle to park goers. There are lights strung about the trees, little white and pink bulbs twinkling against the snow. The air is crisp but not uncomfortably cold, you can see your breath and Raul's. 

"Be careful of ice." Raul says, taking your hand and leading you forward to the center of the grounds. "The caretakers put down salt solution but it's not guaranteed." 

You grip his hand tightly. "What are we going to do here?" 

"Well, I've got a carriage ride scheduled. I also have dinner plans. I thought we might walk around a while, take in the lights, make a few snowmen." 

"Snowmen?"

"Yeah." Raul drops your hand and reaches down on what was once a grassy divider in the path and scoops up a handful of wet snow. 

"Don't you do it."

"Do what?" Raul smirks, hands balling the snow together in a compact wad. "I'm starting a snowman."

You narrow your eyes. "Sure." 

"Oh what? You think I'm going to throw it at you?" 

"Absolutely." 

Raul tosses the ball up and down in his hand. "I would never do that." He says sarcastically. "I'm a prince, a gentleman of the people." 

"Raul."

"But I do enjoy making some chaos." He says and quickly lobs the ball of snow at you. It collides with your chest and bursts into a hundred pieces. 

"You jerk!" You waste no time scooping up your own ball of snow and sending it sailing at him. It misses and he looks smug. This means war. 

Minute ticks by, the two of you throwing snowballs and trying to avoid them by ducking behind trees and benches. You're laughing and your aim becomes complete trash as you progress. Raul runs at you, tackling you into a snowbank and you roll him over so your laying on his chest. 

"You are such a troublemaker." You laugh and he grins triumphantly. 

"Am I? Because you definitely played along." 

"Yes you are. I was roped into the trouble, but not the starter of it." 

Raul pauses, eyes searching your face for a moment as he runs a hand over your hair. "You're so beautiful today."

"T-thanks."

"I didn't mean to change the subject, I just couldn't hold it in any longer. You're gorgeous in this light with the snow in your hair." He leans up and bumps his nose against yours. "You look like a snow princess." 

You roll off of him and lay back in the snow. "You really want me to be a princess huh?" 

"You are a princess."

"I am not." 

"You will be when we get married."

"Let's get through our first date before we talk about that huh?" You chuckle and he rolls onto his side, hand cupping your face. "You're such a romantic."

"I am." He leans in and kisses you softly. "I guess I get it from my mom's side." 

"Was she a romantic like this? Did your dad talk about her much?" 

Raul nods. "He told us all about her when we were growing up. I don't know how much my brothers listened, but I did. I loved the fairy tale romance stories. Love at first sight. The whole nine yards. I guess I've always been one to fall in love fast."

"Mmm I didn't think I would be but then I met you."

"Yeah." He chuckles and leans in for another kiss. "You changed everything for me too." 

_____________________

"So how was the date?" Peter asks from atop some scaffolding in the old castle interior. He looks down and you stop sweeping up the pile of plaster he has scraped off the ceiling. 

"It was really good. We had fun, ate dinner, messed around in the snow for a while."

"Is it what you hoped for?"

"I guess?"

"You don't sound thrilled." Peter begins to climb down. "What's wrong?" 

You shrug. "Nothing is wrong. I guess I just wanted to have Raul to myself. I didn't want anyone to know about us until later, but now we're fake engaged and having public outings and it's just..."

"It's a lot." 

"Yeah."

Peter wipes his hands on his jeans and folds his arms. "You guys should get away, take some time away from Dad and all the press and shit and just be together."

"Like when we went to the private beach house?" 

"Yeah, but go somewhere that you're not going to be photographed every ten minutes and worrying about whatever news getting back to Dad."

"But we're trying to make our plan believable. We need to be seen. We don't want the king setting Raul up again." 

"Yeah, and you have done your job of making it believable. Plenty of people are probably chatting away seeing you together on that date. You've gotta work on your relationship now, the real one, just as much as your engagement plan. Why don't you guys go see Shawn and Nenyah?" 

"They just left. I'm sure they would like some time to themselves." 

Peter gives you a hard look. "Nenyah said if you need anything, call her."

"But..."

"No buts. You and Raul need to get yourselves some alone time away from everyone. Have you even slept together?" 

Your eyes go wide. "Peter!"

"You need to get laid." He says matter of factually. "Go stay at a resort or the castle in the Eastern kingdom, and get yourself some dick." 

"For fucks sake." You pinch the bridge or your nose and walk away from him as he chuckle to himself. He's too much. 

You find yourself in a corridor to an inner garden that's nothing but dead vines and snow covered overgrown topiaries. You step out into the snow and look up at the grey sky above. A little chuckle comes out as you just take in what your life has become. How did you end up here? How is it that four months ago you were doing nothing but sticking your nose in books about business studies and hanging out with Leah at the ice cream place in town, but now you're standing amid a crumbling castle, dating a prince, becoming best friends with his brother and you're fake engaged. It's insanity. 

Snow begins to fall, flakes landing on your coat sleeves. Suddenly you're gripped with emotion. Overwhelming ache and sadness as you remember an outing you had with your mom as a child. She had taken you to a park and it began snowing. You couldn't be more than seven or eight years old. You remember, looking at her and the snow covering her coat and landing in her hair, you thought she looked like an ice fairy. You played in the snow with her for hours that day. 

Crunching snow behind you snaps you out of your memories and you turn around to see Raul on the steps leading down into the central area where you're standing. "Oh, it's you," he says softly as if relieved. 

"Of course it's me." You wipe your face with your gloved hand, smearing melted snow and a few tears away. "Why wouldn't it be?" 

"I just...I had a moment."

"You had a moment? How long have you been here?" 

"Just a minute or two, I came to see if you wanted to get dinner tonight." Raul shakes the snow from his hair. "I saw you standing in the garden here and I was thrown for a loop. I didn't think it was you. I thought you were...I don't know."

"Oh. Well, I don't think anyone else comes out here."

"No, definitely not. Were you crying? Your eyes look red." He steps closer and cups your cheek, thumb brushing under your eye. "Are you alright?" 

You nod and remove his hand gently, holding it between yours. "I was thinking about a time when my mom and I were playing at a park in the snow. Something just triggered it for me. It hurt, to remember she used to love me." 

"Don't say that, I'm sure she still does."

"She left dad and I, remember? When I was a teenager. Not contacting me since then doesn't exactly say I love you."

"I know, but..." He shakes his head. "Maybe she has some problems. Maybe she doesn't know how? I'm probably just too forgiving, but at least you knew your mom and she's still alive." 

You look down and shake your head. "I'm sorry. I must sound so ungrateful. You never even got to spend time with your mom." 

"I didn't, not much anyway." Raul puts his arms around you. "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't invalidate your pain from your mom leaving you. That's just as hard as not having her around."

You grip Raul's back and he sways a bit with you. "I'd like to go to dinner. That's what you came to ask right?" 

"Yeah." 

"Good. My answer is yes."

___________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be Continued


	7. Chapter 7

In the matter of two weeks later you find yourself in the Eastern kingdom with Raul to attend Nenyah and Shawn's wedding. So much has changed. You and Raul are closer than ever, sharing his room almost every night, going out together regularly, exchanging soft kisses and casually saying I love you. It doesn't feel like you're pretending to be engaged, but that you are and you're going to be planning your own wedding soon. 

Seeing the Eastern castle adorned in flowers and ribbons and royal banners makes you wonder what your own wedding will look like. As a child you imagined a white dress, a big hall and family and friends around. You always dreamed of having white and pink roses covering every inch of the wedding hall. Things have changed though. You don't want such a big wedding anymore, you don't want to invite everyone from every kingdom because that's how a royal wedding goes. The thought of that many people watching you say your vows spikes your anxiety through the roof. 

"What are you thinking of?" Nenyah calls to you from across the room you're in. It's the bedroom you and Raul are sharing during your stay and you didn't realize you had left the door unlocked. 

You look over, the warm breeze floats through the open balcony doors. It's so warm in the East, such a contrast to the north that is entering a very cold winter. "I was thinking about my own wedding someday."

Nenyah chuckles softly. "You and Raul have discussed it no?" 

"No." You shake your head and rub your neck. "We've just become official in his dad's eyes and to the rest of the world I guess. We told the king we are engaged but we're lying. It's been a wild few months."

"It is not a lie. You are engaged in each other emotionally." She joins you and brushes her hair off of her shoulders, closing her eyes in the breeze. "Do you feel engaged?"

"Yes. I mean, obviously I'm here thinking about marrying him. It's all so fast though, I know I love him and he loves me but I'm afraid of running before I walk." 

"Smart. But you need not worry. Raul is not going to betray your love. Your aura is like that of Shawn and myself. It is strong, vibrant and ethereal." 

"Really? You can tell we're that close?" 

Nenyah looks to you with a small knowing smile. "You are bonded by the stars and that which we do not see. No force of this Earth may part you." 

"That's...wow." You take a seat on a large white chair on the balcony. 

Nenyah sits across from you. "You say you are thinking about your own wedding. Tell me."

"I don't know what I want. I used to have the dream of having a big party and everything but now it's Raul I'm going to be marrying and he's a royal. I don't think I can handle a wedding that big."

"You can elope yes? Privately make your vows."

"But the king will want more. He will want a show of it all I'm sure."

"The king of the North does not decide for you. Raul has done the wedding before. Perhaps he will want to do less as you do."

You sigh softly. "Do you want a big wedding?" 

Nenyah smiles, big and beautiful as can be. "Yes. In my culture a wedding is a symbol of hope and new beginnings for our people. For myself, the princess to have chosen a man which I love with my whole being, and not allowed an arranged marriage, it will be a holiday."

"Oh wow." 

"My father will give me the throne on our wedding day. The East will enter a new era."

"That's a lot of pressure. Doesn't it scare you?" 

"No." She looks out to the skyline. "Shawn is beside me. Together there is nothing we cannot overcome."

You nod and smile. "That's beautiful that you've got such a bond."

"It is. You too have it with Raul." Nenyah leans forward and touches your chest gently. "Open yourself. He will follow after. The bond is there for you to take."

"I'll try." 

"Good. Now come with me. I have a surprise." Nenyah stands and grabs your hand, tugging you up to follow her. "You will enjoy this."

_____________________

Nenyah's surprise is a dress for you to wear in the wedding. She wants you to be a bridesmaid and you're completely shocked. Never did you expect to be in her wedding, you've only just met in the last several months, but she insists. The dress is beautiful, intricately beaded and colorful with vibrant pops of purple and blue, the royal colors of the eastern family. 

You take it back to your room and Raul has returned from his meeting with Shawn and some other court people.

"What's that?" He asks, coming to your aid with the black carrying back the dress is in. 

"It's a dress, from Nenyah."

"Oh? It's got it's own carry bag huh?" Raul lifts and hangs it on the back of the door to the bathroom. "It's awfully heavy."

You take a seat on the bed and fold your hands in your lap. "Nenyah wants me to be in the bridal party. She got me that dress and it's beaded and so expensive looking. I couldn't tell her no."

Raul's eyes widen. "You're a bridesmaid? That means I get to walk with you."

"Really? So we're going to have to stand up there with everyone watching?" 

"Yes. Wear comfortable shoes. I know the dress will cover them if it's that big in the carry bag. Eastern weddings are long."

You groan. "I don't want a big wedding anymore. I've decided it's a pain in the ass."

Raul sinks into the bed beside you and lays his hand on your chest. "You really don't want a big wedding?" 

"No. I talked to Nenyah earlier about it and I think it would be too stressful. What about you? Do you want to do that whole song and dance again?" 

Raul chuckles. "Gods no. I didn't want to do it the first time but Adalia was determined to have the biggest wedding she could manage."

"What about your dad?" 

"What about him? He doesn't conduct my life. If he thinks we're going to have a big wedding he's got some news coming."

You put your hand over Raul's and run your thumb along the band on his finger. "So you'd be fine if we just got married by a court justice?" 

"Absolutely." 

"Good. I'm glad we're on the same page." 

Raul leans in and kisses your head. "Same page, same sentence."

"You're a sap."

"Just for you." He grins and you bring his face down to give him a soft kiss. "What's this for?" 

"Because I love you."

"I love you too." 

_____________________

Around three in the morning you wake up to Raul thrashing about in the bed. You take a hand to the face and a knee to the thigh before you can get him woken up. He jerks awake in the dark bedroom, gasping as if he had been struck and you freeze, assessing his level of consciousness. 

"Raul?" You ask softly, hand on his chest. His heart is pounding wildly. You can only assume he was having a nightmare. 

"No, take me back."

"What?" 

"Take me back, I can't be here. I can't do this."

You reach behind yourself and turn on your bedside light. "Take you back where? Home?" 

Raul opens his eyes and you can see the moment that an overwhelming relief hits him. Tears form and he closes them again, lifting his arm up over his eyes. "It was a dream."

"Mmmhmm. You wanna talk about it?"

"I was marrying Adalia again. I don't know where you were and no one would tell me. But I had to marry her, or maybe the divorce never got finalized? It didn't make sense but in the dream it did and I was so angry."

You rub his chest softly and he lowers his arm from his eyes to look at you. "You were fighting pretty hard in your sleep. I caught a few blows but I'm alright." 

"Oh honey I'm so sorry." He sits up and puts his fingers under your chin, tilting your face up to him for inspection. "Did I punch you? Your face looks red. I'm so sorry."

"Just a little whack with your hand, it's fine." You lower his hand and hold it in yours. "Are you nervous about Shawn's wedding? Is that why you're having nightmares?" 

"I must be. Or maybe I'm just afraid that when we do get engaged for real Adalia is going to try something." 

"I won't let her. We can deal with her together."

Raul curls his fingers around yours gently. "If she comes for us I'm not keeping her secret any longer. I'll spill to every tabloid from here to the western islands. She has no right to keep tormenting me like this." 

"No, she doesn't. You're healing, and it's going to take time." You lay down and he lays with you. You run a hand over his hair and he closes his eyes, mouth falling slack. "You may have found me but that won't make you forget the trauma she put you through emotionally. Just promise you won't keep it in."

"I promise I won't."

_____________________

Three days before the wedding, and Raul has gotten worse. The nightmares keep coming, every time he closes his eyes it's like he's stuck in a loop of the past. You tried getting him to go hiking with you and a guide in the jungle but he wasn't interested. You tried taking him for lunch with Shawn and Nenyah to try some Eastern specialties, but he wasn't hungry. It seems like every night he sleeps very little and you wake up to him on the balcony, on his computer, or on the couch. You're worried. 

"Shawn, can I ask you something?" You say as you approach Shawn in the courtyard that leads down to the beach behind the castle. You’ve been trying to find him everywhere.

He turns and smiles softly at you. He's beautiful, truly you can understand why Nenyah is so taken with him physically. His bright smile, sun kissed skin and bright hazel eyes make him look like a real prince charming. You think maybe in another life you would have a crush on him, but he’s not Raul, and Raul is absolutely the one for you.

"What's up?" Shawn asks, slowing his place so you can catch up to him. 

"What relaxes Raul?" 

He chuckles inwardly and you make a noise of protest, knowing full well he is going to make some sort of sexual comment for an answer. "Why? What's going on?" He asks lew of a comment.

"He's freaking out because of the wedding. I think he's having nightmares or maybe he's experiencing some form of PTSD with everything going on. Adalia fucked him up bad, and we've worked so hard to get here and it's unraveling and I just-" 

"Hey," Shawn holds your shoulders, grounding you so effortlessly. "Take a deep breath."

You do as he says. 

"I know what happened with Adalia. Raul has told me everything, and I mean everything that has gone through his mind since the divorce. He hid it really well and thanks to you he came to me after Mom's ceremony and let it all out." Shawn drops his hands from you and puts them on his hips. "I'm not a therapist and I won't pretend to be. I know my brother though and your best bet to at least distract him for a while is to play with his hair."

"Really?"

"Mmm. I think our mom used to do it all the time when we were small since he was the only one of us born with a full head of hair. I know Dad and Grandma used to do it to settle him down too as a toddler." 

You look up at the balcony and you can see Raul sitting in the white chair. "It's worth a shot." 

"Go get him." Shawn looks up as well. "He looks like a miserable mess."

"He is. I can try to fix it but...it's not my fault if he comes to the wedding half asleep." 

"I know. You'll get him in a good head space again. If anyone can it's you."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence." You turn toward the castle and Shawn stops you with a hand on your arm. "Yeah?" 

"I meant what I said. You're everything to him. Don't let him suffer alone."

"You sound like Nenyah." You smile and he smiles back, looking down bashfully. "But I won't. I promised him I would always be there." 

"Good. Now go, my mopey brother needs tending to." 

You chuckle and he gives you a nod. A silent agreement that while he makes the conversation lighthearted he understands the damage that has been done to his brother emotionally. 

___________________

Raul sits and stares at the ocean in the distance. The room is dark in contrast to the bright evening light pouring through the open balcony doors. You cross the stone floor quietly and lay your hand on his shoulder, spooking him a bit but he realizes it is you right away. 

"Hey, what's going on?" He asks softly, voice just over a whisper. 

"Not much. I spent the day with Nenyah getting the dress fitted and I talked with Shawn about some stuff."

"I saw you talking to Shawn. Is he nervous?" 

"I think so, but he hides it well." You move your hand closer to the base of his neck and he instinctively leans his head forward a bit. "How about you? What's going on in your head?" 

"Just...stressed." 

"I can tell that much." 

Raul sighs. "The wedding is bringing back a lot of memories. I'm trying not to....ah...uhhh."

You massage your fingers up into his hair on the back of his head and he just goes limp, head dropping forward. "Trying not to think about it?" 

"Uh-huh." He lifts his head back up as you make your way to the crown where his hair parts in a little whirl of curls. "More." 

You giggle softly. "More?" You scratch gently and his jaw goes slack. 

Raul wraps his arm around you and pulls you into his lap. "Shawn told you didn't he?" 

"Told me what?" 

"About this." He leans his head forward and you bring your other hand up, twisting it into his unruly waves. 

"Maybe. He was right though, it makes you melt."

Raul leans his forehead against your shoulder and you grin to yourself as he makes little noises of contentment. It's satisfying to make him unravel like this, to know his physical weakness is as simply as having his hair toyed with.

"I'm here for you. Don't worry about everything that happened at your wedding. I know it's hard, but you have to support your brother right now."

"I know." He mumbles into your shirt. "I'm being a terrible brother."

"No you're not." 

"I am. I'm so caught up in my own past I can't see this beautiful time in my brother's life as it unfolds. I'm more concerned about his marriage ending like mine then I am about him being happy. I don't...I don't want my brother's to suffer like I did."

"Oh honey," you say softly and lift his head off of you. "They will be fine, and so will you. Hold my hand."

Raul does as you say and threads his fingers between yours. 

"Let's go get in bed early and talk. I want to know everything you're thinking about."

"Everything?" 

"Yes. Everything." 

_____________________update 10/30/20

_____________________

The rehearsal for the wedding goes as planned even though it is just in the castle and it's the bare minimum of motions. Nenyah is an incredible coordinator and you're surprised she hasn't had to rip anyone's head off. Though you're sure that anyone who comes in contact with her is probably terrified of her. 

It's early evening and you're in the grand hall with Raul after everyone has gone. The two of you have taken a seat on a large floor cushion near a set of large windows overlooking the front courtyard. You're sure he is exhausted from the days events. 

"What if we elope?" Raul asks, pressing his face into your hair. 

"You mean instead of having a wedding some day?" 

"Mmmhmm."

"I'm fine with it."

Raul pulls you back into his chest and rubs his hand across your stomach. "Do you want to marry me?" 

"Yes."

"Even though I am the way I am? Even if I can't have kids? Even though we've only been together for a few months?" 

"Raul." You lean your head back and he presses his lips to your temple. "I would choose you in every lifetime. It's like Nenyah said, some people are meant to be together. I'm with you now and I'm never letting go. I want to share everything with you."

"Everything..." Raul slides his hand up your chest and rests it along your throat. "I love you."

"I love you too." You murmur, heart beating wildly. You lay your hand on his forearm. "What's this about?" 

He flexes his fingers against your skin in a gentle drumming motion. "Curiosity."

"About?" 

"What you like." He strokes his thumb along the underside of your jaw. "Your heart is beating really fast. Do you like it?" 

"Y-yeah. I wasn't expecting it though. We haven't really discussed sex yet. I figured I'd let you take the first steps when you're ready." 

Raul hums. "We should discuss it. I think I'm ready to open myself up to you like that." He kisses your head once more. "I trust you. I want to take the next step." 

"Maybe we should go somewhere a little more private?" 

"Absolutely."

_____________________

The morning of the wedding day you find yourself in the kitchen of the wing of the castle you're staying in. It's a beautiful place, marble counters, dark wood finishings and accents. It's open, like much of the castle is, to the breezy skies of the Eastern kingdom. Truly it is an escape, a paradise, and you're a bit jealous that you cannot stay forever. 

"Beautiful is it not?" 

You turn and see Nenyah at the island counter, hair tied up in a large bun and she is wearing a vibrant flowy orange dress. She had stayed in the wing you are in with Raul. "The sunrise is incredible." 

"I could not be happier that this day is kind to us. Poor weather before a wedding is a sign of problems to come." Nenyah gathers up a mug and some dry tea leaves from a container on the counter. "You are glowing, things have changed."

"Raul and I had a good night." You admit softly under your breath. 

Nenyah smiles. "Shawn worries for his brother as his brother worries for us."

"They love each other. Raul has been through so much it's hard not to be afraid for not only yourself but those you love. He's working on it though. I think if we make it through the wedding he will be a little stronger."

"If? Do you think Raul will not stay for his brother?" 

You shake your head and sigh. "It's not that. I'm afraid he will have flashbacks to his own wedding and it will throw him off or make him break down. I'm going to do everything I can to prevent it though. We've discussed that if he needs me I'm willing to hold his hand or sit with him."

"He is stronger than he knows with you at his side." Nenyah stirs her tea and taps the spoon to her cup gently. "His aura has changed from the first time we met. He is no longer broken. Raul is healing and at peace."

"Oh. I'm glad, he definitely has changed a lot."

"You saved his life."

"Nenyah."

She gives you a hard look. "A man with an aura like that is not often long for this world. Did he speak of that ever?" 

You take a deep breath and fold your arms over your chest. You remember when he went missing for a few days and came back for the ambassador meeting. The way he was bruised and damaged for days, weeks after. What he told you when you spoke the first night after the meeting. How he didn't intend on coming back from the old castle. 

"You are upset." 

"No, I just...he did something reckless. A long while back. It's...I don't want to think about it." 

"I understand." Nenyah comes to your side and lays her hand on your cheek. "Know that he will never feel that way again as long as you are by his side."

"I'll never leave him Nenyah." 

She smiles knowingly. "I know. You have made your bond complete. Tell me, was it good?" 

"Nenyah!"

The bride to be chuckles and turns away. "I thought that might lighten your heart a bit."

"You've been with Shawn too long, you're picking up his informal manners." You laugh softly and she gives a little shrug. 

"It is fun to be a little improper. I suppose it is one of many things that make me love Shawn."

"There you are." Raul says, interrupting you and Nenyah's conversation as he walks around the counter to meet you. 

Nenyah grabs her tea mug and raises her eyebrows at you. "You confused me for a moment Raul. I thought you were Shawn." 

Raul wraps his arms around you and looks to Nenyah. "Oh no, your husband to be is still fast asleep."

"He had best not be." 

"I'm sure he is, if I know my brother."

Nenyah scowls and turns to the door to the hall. "I'll be seeing you two later. I've a northern man to wake."

"Bye Nenyah." Raul chuckles and buries his face in your hair. "How are you feeling?" 

"Good. Should I be worried about something?" 

"No. I just wanted to make sure you're feeling okay after last night. We had a lot of fun."

You run your hands up his back and he arches to your touch. "Yes we did. How about you?" 

"Golden."

"Golden huh?"

"It's been a long time." Raul mutters and kisses your neck. "It feels good though, I feel good like mentally and physically." 

You hug him tight and he hugs you back. "I'm glad to hear it. We should get ready for the wedding."

"We have a few hours. Let's do something for ourselves beforehand." 

"Like?"

"Like something. Come on." He pulls back and grabs your hands. "Just follow me." 

_________

Warm water envelops your body as you sink into the hot spring at the basement of the castle. It's a natural feature and it's truly beautiful with the way the family has lit it and decorated. The walls are natural stone and the light fixtures look like some sort of glowing orb in a fogged case. You're sure they must be candles because there doesn't seem to be any electrical run down there. 

Raul groans beside you as he sinks down to his shoulders. "I've wanted to come down here since we arrived."

"Why didn't you? It's not forbidden or something?"

"No of course not. I guess I just didn't find the time." 

You float around a bit, testing the water. "I think you just wanted to come down here because you're sore."

"Sore huh. From what?" 

"Last night. You said it's been a while."

"Oh shut it." Raul laughs. "I am not sore from that." 

"I am." You slide up next to him and sit on the rock below that he's sitting on. "It's been a while for me too." 

Raul grabs your shoulder and gives you a little rub. "Yeah? I wasn't too rough? You're sure it was good?" 

"Yes Raul. It was very good." 

"Okay. But you'd let me know right?" 

"Mhmm."

"You're sure?"

"Raul." You smile softly and he looks away. You move so you can sit on his lap and he looks back up at you. "I swear to you I will tell you if there is something I don't like." You run your hands through his hair and he lets out a soft moan. "Relax."

"Uh-huh."

"You're overthinking us." You kiss his head and he grabs your hips. "Trust me." 

"I do." He nudges your throat with his nose and kisses along your jawline. "I trust you completely. You are my heart." 

_____________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to be continued


End file.
